my analogy for what it's like going back to work at the wine bar
it's kind of like when you break up with someone, and then you reconnect a few months later. you remember the laughs you had, and those cute little things he or she did, and think 'you know, he or she wasn't that bad'. and then you hang out- and you remember EXACTLY why you broke up in the first place. yeah, this isn't going to be awesome, but i need the money and it's only supposed to be 2 shifts a week (too bad they scheduled me 3 and an on call for this week- qwighbrgiprhbibfejif).
also, i think a lot of us could really stand for a Re-do of this weekend.
and I am really sick of not knowing what I want. I know everything is going to be fine, but I just want it to be now.
Dave wants me to leave. Just pack up and go to NYC. I don't know if it would be a fresh start or an attempt at running away. He told me to schedule interviews while I'm there in 2 weeks. Then I had to remind him I'm only there for 60 hours, and I don't get into the city until 3pm on a friday. no go there. He wants me to give him my resume. He wants to pass it along to some friends. He wants to get me out of here. He says this city is too full of my hate, that I'm too unhappy here. That I need to go back to where I 'belong.' He might just want me in the same city as him, it might be his selfish need to have me around. Or he may be right.
Of course, Kasia and her entire family are trying to pull me to the other coast. They say they are my 'base' there. Whatever I need, they'll do it. They really are like a second family to me. Every time I leave them, I cry. I don't do that with my own family. While LA means sunshine and ocean and some really beautiful scenery, it also means a car and lots of fake and completely starting over. I don't know if I'm ready for any of that.
Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to offer. That I've just squandered years away. That I lack the ambition one needs to actually do something with her life. That I know I need to put myself out there and try things, but fear holds me back.
I don't know, but I do know that I'm not looking forward to another cold, windy, lonely winter here.
also, i think a lot of us could really stand for a Re-do of this weekend.
and I am really sick of not knowing what I want. I know everything is going to be fine, but I just want it to be now.
Dave wants me to leave. Just pack up and go to NYC. I don't know if it would be a fresh start or an attempt at running away. He told me to schedule interviews while I'm there in 2 weeks. Then I had to remind him I'm only there for 60 hours, and I don't get into the city until 3pm on a friday. no go there. He wants me to give him my resume. He wants to pass it along to some friends. He wants to get me out of here. He says this city is too full of my hate, that I'm too unhappy here. That I need to go back to where I 'belong.' He might just want me in the same city as him, it might be his selfish need to have me around. Or he may be right.
Of course, Kasia and her entire family are trying to pull me to the other coast. They say they are my 'base' there. Whatever I need, they'll do it. They really are like a second family to me. Every time I leave them, I cry. I don't do that with my own family. While LA means sunshine and ocean and some really beautiful scenery, it also means a car and lots of fake and completely starting over. I don't know if I'm ready for any of that.
Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to offer. That I've just squandered years away. That I lack the ambition one needs to actually do something with her life. That I know I need to put myself out there and try things, but fear holds me back.
I don't know, but I do know that I'm not looking forward to another cold, windy, lonely winter here.