Winter of you and i
“I’m getting cold. You used to have a heart, now I guess it’s just a stone.” He smiled.
“Fine, I’ll roll up the window.”
I leaned over and kissed him.
“I love you so much.”
“I love you, too.” He sighed.
It was an unusually cold day for Texas.
“Mark, darling?”
“Yes, love?”
“I’m scared they’ll find us.”
“It’ll be fine.”
I looked out the window at all the tree-covered hills. It really would be a nice place to live. The clouds formed a blanket and no sky could get through.
“What if they find out?”
“I’m sure they’ve found out already, dear. We’ve been gone for about a week now.” He smiled and I blushed at my own stupidity.
I looked around at eh backseat of his car. My life in a few boxes. It scared me, running away, but I had no choice. I couldn’t think of any other way out. They were going to kill me. I turned the radio up and let Joseph Arthur blast my parent’s faces out of my mind. My whole world is in danger. Corpus Christi was only a few hours from here, and then our grand escape. I let the seat lean back, I’d been awake for hours, even at the motel I couldn’t sleep.
“Mark?”
“Yes?”
“What would you do if you found me in heaven?” It was one of my favorite questions to ask him every time I got scared. He always replied the same.
“Well, if I found you there with flowers in your hair…”
He waited a moment, pretending to think.
“I’d hold you in my arms until we came back down.” He began to sing softly, almost to himself.
“Honey you are a rock upon which I stand…”
He turned to look at me, but I had already fallen asleep.
“Goodnight, green eyes.” He whispered to my quiet breathing.
* * * * *
“Mark…Mark…get off me!” I struggled to get his face away from mine. He tickled me and I could barely breathe.
“Sorry sweetie, but we’re here.”
We had pulled up to a cheap motel on the outskirts of a small town.
“Darling, what about the…”
“The ship leaves tomorrow, dear. You’ve nothing to worry about. We’ll be there in plenty of time.”
“Oh.” I yawned again, stretching as I came out of the car.
“Do you want something to eat?”
“Yeah, what about you?”
“No way.” He smiled at me. “What do you feel like?”
“Hmmm…whatever you want, dear.”
“Pizza it is.”
We checked into room 613 and unpacked a night’s worth of clothes.
“I’m gonna take a shower, dear.”
“That’s fine, love. I’ll wait for the pizza.”
I walked into the bathroom and began to undress. The lights seemed too bright and the bathtub looked like it would cave in if you stepped on it. I looked at my naked body in the mirror (motels are always so cold when you first arrive) and watched goose bumps appear on my stomach and arms. I started the water and I could hear the TV in the background. I smiled. I got in and closed the shower curtain. The water was warm. It felt so good; I began to sing quietly in spite of myself. We were safe, we were together and we were happy. I soaped up and rinsed, allowing myself more time than I would have at my old home. I turned the water off and pulled back the curtain,
“You have such a beautiful voice.”
Mark was sitting on the edge of the counter admiring me. I blushed, quickly pulling the curtain back into place.
“Come now, darling.” He said. “Can’t a husband admire his wife?”
I peeked around the curtain, smiling at him. He pulled the curtain back.
“Only for you, dear.” I whispered as he pulled me into a kiss. A soul-touching, eternity-inspiring, time-ending piece of forever. He grabbed me and I him and we felt into our love for each other. He picked me up and carried me back to the bed and we began our pizza quest.
“What are you watching?” I laughed at him.
“What are you talking about?” He smiled, tackling me and kissing my neck.
“We really should got some sleep, dear.”
“You’re right; I don’t want to be late. The sooner we got to Ireland, the better.”
We crawled under the covers and he turned the off all the lights.
“I’m gonna go brush my teeth.”
I groaned at him.
“I’ll be quick, I promise.”
I watched his back retreat into the bathroom. I turned over in bed and was about to fall asleep when he returned. He got under the covers.
“What happened to your clothes? Lose them in the sink?”
“Well, I…”
“And what is that?”
“Well, we haven’t made love in a while and I was thinking about you a lot…”
I smiled and wrapped my arms around him and we did what was on both our minds…
* * * * *
We were entering the last few hours of our escape together. I’d awaken around 3am, thinking that we’d been found out, so I didn’t sleep much. We were about an hour and a half away from Corpus when I fell asleep again. I was dreaming about our future in Ireland. What it would be like to get away from the US, from my family, from everything…except him.
I spoke to him through closed eyes.
“What do you think Ireland will be like?”
Silence.
“Mark?”
I opened my eyes to find him slumped over the wheel. The car was doing 85.
“MARK!!”
I panicked, he wouldn’t wake up. I looked up and we were about to hit another car. I shut my eyes as tight as possible, waiting for death.
But it never came.
The car swerved to the left, changing lanes smoothly.
“What the hell! Mark, that wasn’t funny!”
He still hadn’t moved.
“Mark?” Tears were flowing down my face freely now.
I touched his face.
He was dead.
The rest of the car ride still eludes me. I have no idea how we got to the port, but we did. And the car was even parked when I got out. I unloaded the suitcases onto a trolley and my hand brushed past his face.
“If I found you there with flowers in your hair, I’d hold you in my arms until we came back down.”
I cried harder.
* * * * *
Looking out the window to the shore. The waves aren’t much different in Ireland than in Corpus. His car is still there, on that dock. So is he. It’s been two months since I left him in Heaven. I couldn’t bring him back down, no matter how long I held him. My hands move to my stomach. That night in the motel. I can feel the baby inside me. I can feel him. My husband and my son are one and the same in this moment. My dearest love. I never wanted to be here without you, and you made sure you came with me.
Thank you.
Capin’ Sparrow
26 April 2005
2:38am
“Fine, I’ll roll up the window.”
I leaned over and kissed him.
“I love you so much.”
“I love you, too.” He sighed.
It was an unusually cold day for Texas.
“Mark, darling?”
“Yes, love?”
“I’m scared they’ll find us.”
“It’ll be fine.”
I looked out the window at all the tree-covered hills. It really would be a nice place to live. The clouds formed a blanket and no sky could get through.
“What if they find out?”
“I’m sure they’ve found out already, dear. We’ve been gone for about a week now.” He smiled and I blushed at my own stupidity.
I looked around at eh backseat of his car. My life in a few boxes. It scared me, running away, but I had no choice. I couldn’t think of any other way out. They were going to kill me. I turned the radio up and let Joseph Arthur blast my parent’s faces out of my mind. My whole world is in danger. Corpus Christi was only a few hours from here, and then our grand escape. I let the seat lean back, I’d been awake for hours, even at the motel I couldn’t sleep.
“Mark?”
“Yes?”
“What would you do if you found me in heaven?” It was one of my favorite questions to ask him every time I got scared. He always replied the same.
“Well, if I found you there with flowers in your hair…”
He waited a moment, pretending to think.
“I’d hold you in my arms until we came back down.” He began to sing softly, almost to himself.
“Honey you are a rock upon which I stand…”
He turned to look at me, but I had already fallen asleep.
“Goodnight, green eyes.” He whispered to my quiet breathing.
* * * * *
“Mark…Mark…get off me!” I struggled to get his face away from mine. He tickled me and I could barely breathe.
“Sorry sweetie, but we’re here.”
We had pulled up to a cheap motel on the outskirts of a small town.
“Darling, what about the…”
“The ship leaves tomorrow, dear. You’ve nothing to worry about. We’ll be there in plenty of time.”
“Oh.” I yawned again, stretching as I came out of the car.
“Do you want something to eat?”
“Yeah, what about you?”
“No way.” He smiled at me. “What do you feel like?”
“Hmmm…whatever you want, dear.”
“Pizza it is.”
We checked into room 613 and unpacked a night’s worth of clothes.
“I’m gonna take a shower, dear.”
“That’s fine, love. I’ll wait for the pizza.”
I walked into the bathroom and began to undress. The lights seemed too bright and the bathtub looked like it would cave in if you stepped on it. I looked at my naked body in the mirror (motels are always so cold when you first arrive) and watched goose bumps appear on my stomach and arms. I started the water and I could hear the TV in the background. I smiled. I got in and closed the shower curtain. The water was warm. It felt so good; I began to sing quietly in spite of myself. We were safe, we were together and we were happy. I soaped up and rinsed, allowing myself more time than I would have at my old home. I turned the water off and pulled back the curtain,
“You have such a beautiful voice.”
Mark was sitting on the edge of the counter admiring me. I blushed, quickly pulling the curtain back into place.
“Come now, darling.” He said. “Can’t a husband admire his wife?”
I peeked around the curtain, smiling at him. He pulled the curtain back.
“Only for you, dear.” I whispered as he pulled me into a kiss. A soul-touching, eternity-inspiring, time-ending piece of forever. He grabbed me and I him and we felt into our love for each other. He picked me up and carried me back to the bed and we began our pizza quest.
“What are you watching?” I laughed at him.
“What are you talking about?” He smiled, tackling me and kissing my neck.
“We really should got some sleep, dear.”
“You’re right; I don’t want to be late. The sooner we got to Ireland, the better.”
We crawled under the covers and he turned the off all the lights.
“I’m gonna go brush my teeth.”
I groaned at him.
“I’ll be quick, I promise.”
I watched his back retreat into the bathroom. I turned over in bed and was about to fall asleep when he returned. He got under the covers.
“What happened to your clothes? Lose them in the sink?”
“Well, I…”
“And what is that?”
“Well, we haven’t made love in a while and I was thinking about you a lot…”
I smiled and wrapped my arms around him and we did what was on both our minds…
* * * * *
We were entering the last few hours of our escape together. I’d awaken around 3am, thinking that we’d been found out, so I didn’t sleep much. We were about an hour and a half away from Corpus when I fell asleep again. I was dreaming about our future in Ireland. What it would be like to get away from the US, from my family, from everything…except him.
I spoke to him through closed eyes.
“What do you think Ireland will be like?”
Silence.
“Mark?”
I opened my eyes to find him slumped over the wheel. The car was doing 85.
“MARK!!”
I panicked, he wouldn’t wake up. I looked up and we were about to hit another car. I shut my eyes as tight as possible, waiting for death.
But it never came.
The car swerved to the left, changing lanes smoothly.
“What the hell! Mark, that wasn’t funny!”
He still hadn’t moved.
“Mark?” Tears were flowing down my face freely now.
I touched his face.
He was dead.
The rest of the car ride still eludes me. I have no idea how we got to the port, but we did. And the car was even parked when I got out. I unloaded the suitcases onto a trolley and my hand brushed past his face.
“If I found you there with flowers in your hair, I’d hold you in my arms until we came back down.”
I cried harder.
* * * * *
Looking out the window to the shore. The waves aren’t much different in Ireland than in Corpus. His car is still there, on that dock. So is he. It’s been two months since I left him in Heaven. I couldn’t bring him back down, no matter how long I held him. My hands move to my stomach. That night in the motel. I can feel the baby inside me. I can feel him. My husband and my son are one and the same in this moment. My dearest love. I never wanted to be here without you, and you made sure you came with me.
Thank you.
Capin’ Sparrow
26 April 2005
2:38am