Over you..
Well the fear I was feeling about my moms surgury came true. Basically the rest of my moms life I'll be on pins and needles and spending time with her as if it is my last with her. I mean how in the world do I live the rest of my life? Really I'm sick and tired of people telling me that "Just live your live day-by-day" Cause guess what??! YEAH YOU JUST CANT with the information you know! And I'm tired of people telling me, that "everything will be better" and "I understand" or "I'm so sorry" Yeah I just really dont want to hear any of it. Really people, until you know the shit thats going on with a parent that is..not even going to say it...yeah your petty little problems are NOTHING!!!!! I'm sorry if I seem on edge..guess what, I will be even more now, because I really dont want to get a phone call and delievering the terrible news about my mom. I really dont make compassion or sympathy..because I've heard it..and I just dont want to hear it, it would be a waste of your breath to say it to me. I've cried it out already and I'm done! Right now I'm just filled with anger and rage..I could punch a whole in the wall!!! (wouldnt be a bad idea tho) I guess I'm feeling this way because now, we are all helpless..and I dont want to want to feel like this! FUCK!~basically thats what I've been saying the past three days.
And what pisses me off is the friend that I've always been there for..would always get into trouble for-take the blame..When push came to shove they werent there for me when I needed them the most?? I guess this is when you find out how your friends are. And really, since they werent here for me now, it means they never will be and thats okay..
Whatever..life isnt going to be the same ever again.
I felt terrible @ Disney, I knew how badly my mom wanted to be there for me..and when she couldnt, because of this shit, I realized that she cant ever really be there for me. And its like losing your best friend..your afraid to get close again, because it just going to be that much harder to say goodbye in the end.
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The only upside could be..I made all my appointments;hair, nails, makeup for prom. After I TOTALLY forgot.