I feel like I deserted LiveJournal.
Dear Livejournal,
I'm sorry if I have left you alone for so long. I started to think that maybe keeping a log about my life was childish and that I should move on and leave this chapter of my life closed, but I realized that I was completely wrong. I don't think there is one person in my whole life that I can just tell anything or everything that I ever think about. So you, my dear livejournal, will be my forever friend. I'm so sorry that I left you behind.
In saying this - Life has been okay if not bothersome. I haven't had an IC flare in a really long time, and it's great. I'm glad that my body is keeping it together, but I still need to have surgery so that I can make sure that I don't have endometriosis and get on the meds I need to control the pain if I ever have a flare up. I do have a lump in my left breast. It has been there for a really long time, but lately it has gotten to the point that it is extremely painful. If I hit it or nudge it I am almost in tears. I need to get it checked out but with everything that is going on, I barely have money to feed myself.
My car broke down last week. It's been really rough. I'm driving our old Big Ten right now and I love that truck but I still want something that gets better gas mileage. The computer busted in my taurus. It's going to cost a little over 700 to fix it. I'm sick of things happening to that car. If it's not the computer being fried it is something with the tires or the fuel injectors. It's never-ending, I tell you. I never really liked this car. Don't get me wrong - I'm very thankful for the car. I just don't like it, and I have been wanting to trade it in for a very long time.
For a long time now I have been dreaming of Matt. Some of them are really sad and some of them are happy, but mostly it's just me thinking of him. I hate it. I don't want to think about him anymore. He chose to not be in my life for reasons that he never explained to me, but I'm sure he had good reasons. At least I hope so. It really breaks my heart to think about it. So dreaming about him isn't something I want to continue. It's been months of this. I miss Matt. I love him, but I wont sit around and think about him forever.
Joseph and I are together, but who knows what will happen. I love him, but things are not the same as they used to be. His son drives me up the wall. I go into a blind rage at points when Colin is around. I wish I didn't feel this way about Joseph's son, but I can't help it when he is quite possibly the worst kid I have ever known. There are times when I want to be with Joseph and there are times that I don't. Mostly when Colin is here, I don't want to be associated with any of them. I feel like I'm too young to be dealing with all this crap. I don't know where I should take this. I don't know if we belong together if I can't even stand his child. I try to talk to him about it but it's like he doesn't want to understand or he does but refuses to change things. Ultimately I think Colin will be the end of us. I wish he knew that. :(
My nieces are well and amazing. Yalena will be 4 this August and Gwen will be 2 this June. They are growing up so fast. I don't know what to get them for their birthday. :( I miss spending a lot of time with them. I wish they lived super close to us so that we could see them whenever we wanted. They try to like Colin, but Colin is an asshole so he wont play with them.
I'm going to get into a career training program with ACC to become a Vet Assistant. It is very exciting. :)
I better go. I'm at work, and I'm getting distracted.
I'm sorry if I have left you alone for so long. I started to think that maybe keeping a log about my life was childish and that I should move on and leave this chapter of my life closed, but I realized that I was completely wrong. I don't think there is one person in my whole life that I can just tell anything or everything that I ever think about. So you, my dear livejournal, will be my forever friend. I'm so sorry that I left you behind.
In saying this - Life has been okay if not bothersome. I haven't had an IC flare in a really long time, and it's great. I'm glad that my body is keeping it together, but I still need to have surgery so that I can make sure that I don't have endometriosis and get on the meds I need to control the pain if I ever have a flare up. I do have a lump in my left breast. It has been there for a really long time, but lately it has gotten to the point that it is extremely painful. If I hit it or nudge it I am almost in tears. I need to get it checked out but with everything that is going on, I barely have money to feed myself.
My car broke down last week. It's been really rough. I'm driving our old Big Ten right now and I love that truck but I still want something that gets better gas mileage. The computer busted in my taurus. It's going to cost a little over 700 to fix it. I'm sick of things happening to that car. If it's not the computer being fried it is something with the tires or the fuel injectors. It's never-ending, I tell you. I never really liked this car. Don't get me wrong - I'm very thankful for the car. I just don't like it, and I have been wanting to trade it in for a very long time.
For a long time now I have been dreaming of Matt. Some of them are really sad and some of them are happy, but mostly it's just me thinking of him. I hate it. I don't want to think about him anymore. He chose to not be in my life for reasons that he never explained to me, but I'm sure he had good reasons. At least I hope so. It really breaks my heart to think about it. So dreaming about him isn't something I want to continue. It's been months of this. I miss Matt. I love him, but I wont sit around and think about him forever.
Joseph and I are together, but who knows what will happen. I love him, but things are not the same as they used to be. His son drives me up the wall. I go into a blind rage at points when Colin is around. I wish I didn't feel this way about Joseph's son, but I can't help it when he is quite possibly the worst kid I have ever known. There are times when I want to be with Joseph and there are times that I don't. Mostly when Colin is here, I don't want to be associated with any of them. I feel like I'm too young to be dealing with all this crap. I don't know where I should take this. I don't know if we belong together if I can't even stand his child. I try to talk to him about it but it's like he doesn't want to understand or he does but refuses to change things. Ultimately I think Colin will be the end of us. I wish he knew that. :(
My nieces are well and amazing. Yalena will be 4 this August and Gwen will be 2 this June. They are growing up so fast. I don't know what to get them for their birthday. :( I miss spending a lot of time with them. I wish they lived super close to us so that we could see them whenever we wanted. They try to like Colin, but Colin is an asshole so he wont play with them.
I'm going to get into a career training program with ACC to become a Vet Assistant. It is very exciting. :)
I better go. I'm at work, and I'm getting distracted.