Not worth the read - just a personal necessary rant - i dont have a real diary
So, here's me taking an opportunity to spill my guts so I don't start crying or throw up instead. Sometimes I really question why I am still here. Some of my house mates are total fucks. I realize that I tend to over react sometimes, but this situation is not me overreacting or getting offended easily, it's just a matter of this dude who talks to me like a complete fucking ass hole. Everything that comes out of his mouth is angry, rude, and assholish. It just gets me going that I can't have a normal numerous roommate conversation without him saying something and me getting pissed because he's being a dick. I just don't think I need to stick around and take that from him. The worst part right now is that I really just want to talk to someone about it, unfortunately the 1 roommate I trust is asleep and I just don't want to puke. Ugh. And confrontation?! I don't really feel like crying infront of him and fueling the fire.
Sometimes, and by sometimes I mean most of the time, this life is so frustrating. I don't even remember the last time in my life that I felt this insecure about the type of person I am. I actually don't think I ever have. I just struggle with people talking shit in a mean way. I keep going back and forth between whether or not this is the best place I've lived or the worst. And on top of that, I feel like there isn't a single person that I've met thus far that is a good person and also has some of the same interests as me. California (or, at least this town) is really falling short for me. I miss having people that care about me. I miss being able to live my life with only me being the one that was judging my actions. I miss laughing and having fun and hanging out. It's amazing living with 18 other people and still feeling as lonely as I do. But, I don't want to fail. I don't want to cave. But I'm not sure my pride is worth my sanity.
I hate being sad.
Sometimes, and by sometimes I mean most of the time, this life is so frustrating. I don't even remember the last time in my life that I felt this insecure about the type of person I am. I actually don't think I ever have. I just struggle with people talking shit in a mean way. I keep going back and forth between whether or not this is the best place I've lived or the worst. And on top of that, I feel like there isn't a single person that I've met thus far that is a good person and also has some of the same interests as me. California (or, at least this town) is really falling short for me. I miss having people that care about me. I miss being able to live my life with only me being the one that was judging my actions. I miss laughing and having fun and hanging out. It's amazing living with 18 other people and still feeling as lonely as I do. But, I don't want to fail. I don't want to cave. But I'm not sure my pride is worth my sanity.
I hate being sad.