(no subject)
feel free to breeze right by this entry.
I have felt really blah lately. Ever since school started, I have been stressed out all the time, having no desire it seems. Not much of a desire for the Lord, not much of a desire to do schoolwork. I am completley unsure of what has gone on the past two weeks and this next semester and such. I don't know what I think. I already dropped out of one class because it was ridiculoulsy hard (I dropped Hebrew, and am taking two pretty intense bible classes). Now that I have that huge weight lifted off, I thought that I would be able to run free and work really hard on the classes that I am in. I don't know if Satan has a hold of me and knows that I will struggle this semester or what. But dang, I have felt really heavy this semester. I am sooo hard on myself which just makes me miserable and everyone else around me miserable. It is my boyfriend's last semester, and what am I burdening him with, my dramatic confusion and lack of vigor for school and for me. He has missed the normal Jenna. I don't want the next two years of school to be so stressful that my boyfriend can't be with the real me. The me who is smiling and loving the Lord and funny and energetic. Am I scared about college? I am not even sure I want to be here, but I am wondering is this just a phase that everyone goes through in college? I am living with all seniors, so they are all talking about next year, I am dating a senior who is staying around here so he can be with me but now I give him reason to doubt staying here. Lord, there are so many questions. Have I not really embraced your love Lord? I don't want to be dependent on Andy, I want to be in a loving relationship with Andy that builds on You and Your strength. So I am a biblical studies major. If I just want to counselor and I am taking one counseling class right now. I thought I heard God telling me today that this was where I am suuposed to be, to trust in Him, it is the times when we don't understand that God loves us and gives us the most strength. I just miss the joyful Jenna that is not so stressed out about school. Anyways, school isn't everything. I was just led to this: For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present not the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus Our Lord.
Jesus loves me no matter what, that is so incredible. Noone else can love me as much as my Jesus does. It makes my heart ache for the people who think that this world and people will give them the love that they yearn for. Only Jesus can love you so much that he died on the cross for our sins. Lord, help me to depend on you only and to walk in your love. Help that love to be kindled into the best romance ever. Lord, may I not depend on Andy for strength or for words of encouragement. Thank you for his servant heart, but I just pray that he would lead me to You. Lord, change my heart as you have already right now in opening up your word and showing me your love. Help me to consider my education such a blessing. Help me to also think clearly about the future and the present. Show me where I am supposed to be this year, this week. I am thinking about taking some time off, show me the way Lord. May I not just do things because they are expected of me. Lord I am so excited for this weekend, but I pray that I am not just excited because I get to profit, you are going to be glorified, you are going to stretch us and grow us. thank you for that opportunity. Lord God, I say you are my everything, help that to actually be true. thank you for your patience, if it wasn't for that, I would be a lost cause, but becuase you love me and hold on to me even when I turn away from you and despair, I keep going--because of your great love and your strength. Fill my heart Father for your glory.
I have felt really blah lately. Ever since school started, I have been stressed out all the time, having no desire it seems. Not much of a desire for the Lord, not much of a desire to do schoolwork. I am completley unsure of what has gone on the past two weeks and this next semester and such. I don't know what I think. I already dropped out of one class because it was ridiculoulsy hard (I dropped Hebrew, and am taking two pretty intense bible classes). Now that I have that huge weight lifted off, I thought that I would be able to run free and work really hard on the classes that I am in. I don't know if Satan has a hold of me and knows that I will struggle this semester or what. But dang, I have felt really heavy this semester. I am sooo hard on myself which just makes me miserable and everyone else around me miserable. It is my boyfriend's last semester, and what am I burdening him with, my dramatic confusion and lack of vigor for school and for me. He has missed the normal Jenna. I don't want the next two years of school to be so stressful that my boyfriend can't be with the real me. The me who is smiling and loving the Lord and funny and energetic. Am I scared about college? I am not even sure I want to be here, but I am wondering is this just a phase that everyone goes through in college? I am living with all seniors, so they are all talking about next year, I am dating a senior who is staying around here so he can be with me but now I give him reason to doubt staying here. Lord, there are so many questions. Have I not really embraced your love Lord? I don't want to be dependent on Andy, I want to be in a loving relationship with Andy that builds on You and Your strength. So I am a biblical studies major. If I just want to counselor and I am taking one counseling class right now. I thought I heard God telling me today that this was where I am suuposed to be, to trust in Him, it is the times when we don't understand that God loves us and gives us the most strength. I just miss the joyful Jenna that is not so stressed out about school. Anyways, school isn't everything. I was just led to this: For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present not the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus Our Lord.
Jesus loves me no matter what, that is so incredible. Noone else can love me as much as my Jesus does. It makes my heart ache for the people who think that this world and people will give them the love that they yearn for. Only Jesus can love you so much that he died on the cross for our sins. Lord, help me to depend on you only and to walk in your love. Help that love to be kindled into the best romance ever. Lord, may I not depend on Andy for strength or for words of encouragement. Thank you for his servant heart, but I just pray that he would lead me to You. Lord, change my heart as you have already right now in opening up your word and showing me your love. Help me to consider my education such a blessing. Help me to also think clearly about the future and the present. Show me where I am supposed to be this year, this week. I am thinking about taking some time off, show me the way Lord. May I not just do things because they are expected of me. Lord I am so excited for this weekend, but I pray that I am not just excited because I get to profit, you are going to be glorified, you are going to stretch us and grow us. thank you for that opportunity. Lord God, I say you are my everything, help that to actually be true. thank you for your patience, if it wasn't for that, I would be a lost cause, but becuase you love me and hold on to me even when I turn away from you and despair, I keep going--because of your great love and your strength. Fill my heart Father for your glory.