50,000 tears I've cried.. and you still won't hear me
I haven't updated in a good 3 days and not much has happened, it's just a shitty day. I got in a fight with my brother on the cruise, given we had both been drinking a little but it still sucked and I can't stop thinking about what he said about how I'm unhappy and it's unhealthy and all that but I just don't know how to be happy. Even when I'm having a good day if I sit back for a second all I can wonder is how long it's going to last and how long until everything goes downhill again. Ugh and I can't stand my dad anymore. He's never going to change and realize what a selfish bastard he is. I hate when he says he doesn't have the money to buy me a cd or something yet he drives around his little yellow Corvette, he makes me sick. And If I ask him to buy me a pair of jeans and he does, he takes the 50 bucks out of the child support he gives my mom. He thinks hes being spiteful to her but he doesn't realize that he's affecting all of us. Not to mention child support doesn't pay for shit these days. I can't even think about it anymore. Mom's out for the night and I'm stuck home doing nothing as usual. Whatever. I can't believe Matt's leaving in like 3 days. I'm going to miss him so much. He leaves wednesday but Family Weekend is October 9th (the day after our homecoming) so I'll see him in like a month. It's going to be so weird without him, no matter how much I hate him sometimes I really need him. This cell phone bill is going to be enormous.