(no subject)
I'm updating again. Minus the sarcasm. Probably won't be long. Especially since Amber is asleep and I feel bad when my keyboard clicks.
I don't really know what I'm updating about. I'm at one of those points that inevitably occur in life where you start to question the decisions that you've made that have led you to where you are. And in that questioning you realize that you never even consciously made the decisions that you always thought in retrospect you had. They were made for you, or they happened on their own, or you didn't even know you were making a decision at the time. I have no idea where any of this is coming from, it's just what's on my mind. No catastrophic event spurred this thought process.
So you realize decisions have been made one way or another, and then it occurs to you that maybe you don't like them. Well what then? Is it possible to reverse something like that? Something you didn't even control in the first place? I wonder.
I'm not even sure what I'm talking about. This is all rather abstract. But I don't think I'm completely happy with who I am right now, and whether I made the decisions that led to my present state or they were made for me, I think some things have to change. I'm not entirely sure what things those are. I'm not even remotely sure. I just know I have to change things willingly, otherwise things will change themselves in ways I may not necessarily like, which really, I believe, is the reason for my present unhappiness.
And I've always been so scared of change. So opposed to choices. I guess that's the first thing I have to take on.
I don't really know what I'm updating about. I'm at one of those points that inevitably occur in life where you start to question the decisions that you've made that have led you to where you are. And in that questioning you realize that you never even consciously made the decisions that you always thought in retrospect you had. They were made for you, or they happened on their own, or you didn't even know you were making a decision at the time. I have no idea where any of this is coming from, it's just what's on my mind. No catastrophic event spurred this thought process.
So you realize decisions have been made one way or another, and then it occurs to you that maybe you don't like them. Well what then? Is it possible to reverse something like that? Something you didn't even control in the first place? I wonder.
I'm not even sure what I'm talking about. This is all rather abstract. But I don't think I'm completely happy with who I am right now, and whether I made the decisions that led to my present state or they were made for me, I think some things have to change. I'm not entirely sure what things those are. I'm not even remotely sure. I just know I have to change things willingly, otherwise things will change themselves in ways I may not necessarily like, which really, I believe, is the reason for my present unhappiness.
And I've always been so scared of change. So opposed to choices. I guess that's the first thing I have to take on.