On being a crazy bitch
So as I sit here in my bed, at 1:13 AM on a Sunday night, I am starting to wonder if something is wrong with me.
I feel the need to compile a list of things that seem wrong with me.
1. Now, more than ever, I feel lonely all the time. I used to be the kind of person that escaped people in order to sit in a room by myself on purpose. Now, every time I am alone, it seems that I start getting irrationally depressed. I start thinking about home, and how when I am there over breaks there is always someone there to be with. Whether it be my sister, my parents, or Omaha friends, it seems like people are eager to be with me. When no one wants to/is able to be with me here, I think about all the things I could be doing if I were there.
2. I'm insanely paranoid. It is like I analyze every action and every word of the people around me, looking for ulterior motives. I am always thinking that people are mad at me or that people secretly think I'm a bad person. Even if people assure me this isn't the case, the thoughts still run rampant through my head.
3. Crying. I cry more than the average person should, I think. I will probably need tear transplants when I am older; I am using all of them up. Sometimes, I cry for no reason... I just feel like I want to so I do. That seems... odd.
4. I DON'T SLEEP CORRECTLY. I always want to stay up til like 4 AM for NO REASON. And then I want to sleep all daaaaaay. That isn't normal either.
5. I seem to be lazier than usual. As we speak, I am crying and ranting on Livejournal instead of reading for English. Why? I don't... effing... know! I just seem to abhor ANYTHING school-related these days. I never want to go to class. I never want to do homework. I feel so worthless. I feel like I will never amount to ANYTHING because I simply never want to do shit.
6. I seem to be insanely bipolar. I am either like "OMGWTF MY LIFE IS THE WORSE" or I'm like "AAAAH I LOVE MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING IN IT YAAAAAAAAY!!!" And these little moods can change in a matter of seconds. It kind of disturbs me.
4. I just went from 6 to 4. WTF.
Sometimes I wonder if I am the victim of some hormonal imbalance. The extra estrogen in the no-baby pills could be making me insane. I don't remember being like this before... I don't know...
Or perhaps freshman years, whether it be high school or college, are just meant to suck :P
So yeah. This post really has no importance. I guess that, if I ever do become fully insane, you can use this as evidence to prove that at one time I was a logical human being. Obviously I must have been if I saw it coming.
And what sucks is that tomorrow, when I read this, I'll be like "Oh my god, what was my problem? I was being so emo!" And I will be like "LOL!" and feel dumb. But then, later I will get sad again, sure enough! It will be #6 in action!
Aaaaah!!! FML.
I feel the need to compile a list of things that seem wrong with me.
1. Now, more than ever, I feel lonely all the time. I used to be the kind of person that escaped people in order to sit in a room by myself on purpose. Now, every time I am alone, it seems that I start getting irrationally depressed. I start thinking about home, and how when I am there over breaks there is always someone there to be with. Whether it be my sister, my parents, or Omaha friends, it seems like people are eager to be with me. When no one wants to/is able to be with me here, I think about all the things I could be doing if I were there.
2. I'm insanely paranoid. It is like I analyze every action and every word of the people around me, looking for ulterior motives. I am always thinking that people are mad at me or that people secretly think I'm a bad person. Even if people assure me this isn't the case, the thoughts still run rampant through my head.
3. Crying. I cry more than the average person should, I think. I will probably need tear transplants when I am older; I am using all of them up. Sometimes, I cry for no reason... I just feel like I want to so I do. That seems... odd.
4. I DON'T SLEEP CORRECTLY. I always want to stay up til like 4 AM for NO REASON. And then I want to sleep all daaaaaay. That isn't normal either.
5. I seem to be lazier than usual. As we speak, I am crying and ranting on Livejournal instead of reading for English. Why? I don't... effing... know! I just seem to abhor ANYTHING school-related these days. I never want to go to class. I never want to do homework. I feel so worthless. I feel like I will never amount to ANYTHING because I simply never want to do shit.
6. I seem to be insanely bipolar. I am either like "OMGWTF MY LIFE IS THE WORSE" or I'm like "AAAAH I LOVE MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING IN IT YAAAAAAAAY!!!" And these little moods can change in a matter of seconds. It kind of disturbs me.
4. I just went from 6 to 4. WTF.
Sometimes I wonder if I am the victim of some hormonal imbalance. The extra estrogen in the no-baby pills could be making me insane. I don't remember being like this before... I don't know...
Or perhaps freshman years, whether it be high school or college, are just meant to suck :P
So yeah. This post really has no importance. I guess that, if I ever do become fully insane, you can use this as evidence to prove that at one time I was a logical human being. Obviously I must have been if I saw it coming.
And what sucks is that tomorrow, when I read this, I'll be like "Oh my god, what was my problem? I was being so emo!" And I will be like "LOL!" and feel dumb. But then, later I will get sad again, sure enough! It will be #6 in action!
Aaaaah!!! FML.