Evan and I have been together for four years today. Technically I think it was around this time tomorrow, but I think we just decided to count it as the 31st or something
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I absolutely love this. You have summed up exactly how I feel about relationships. It is, unfortunately, hard to find people who feel the same way who are not in this strange social poly network where it seems like a challenge to have sex with as many people as possible. I don't find it attractive or flattering, and would prefer having one main relationship with the potentiality for outside influence. I know this exists (you're proof) but it's a minority, and a quiet one at that.
It's not really a huge issue for me to be in a monogamous relationship, as I tend to not have feelings for other people unless I'm unhappy with the person I'm with... in which case it has always been best to simply end the relationship. I am very honest with people when I start dating them, and explain how I feel about cheating... which is basically that it's only cheating to me if you lie about it. They still lie. VERY frustrating, and that's the issue for me.
I recently became involved with somebody who is married and open. It's a very new experience for me, in practice at least. I also am now potentially becoming involved with somebody else who is not at all looking for an open relationship. I know what my choice will be if this new thing continues to develop, at which point I WOULD be asked to make a choice, for a variety of reasons. Ahhhh I'm being so purposefully vague :) Just recently (in the past several months) I have been forced to reexamine my feelings about relationships and sexuality. Being well-educated on these topics and generally open-minded, this new perspective has been rather sudden and uncomfortable (but good!) to me. It's weird to basically wake up one day and see yourself as a different person. You know, as if I didn't have enough going on in my life already :p
In conclusion, congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you two. Four years is a long long time at this point in our lives - be proud.
And, if you ever want to chat about these topics one-on-one, I'd really love that!
Oh yay!! I was a little hesitant about this because I didn't know if I was coming off as too sanctimonious, or like I was trying to say "my way is the best way." I'm glad you don't seem to think so!
It feels weird saying that in a way, because I basically haven't been single since middle school...I'm a serial monogamist. Various "boyfriends" in 9th grade until the end of 9th grade when I met Daniel, whom I dated for over 3 years. Then one month of singledom, then a short relationship, a month more of singledom, a half-year relationship with Danny (the Philipino one from Renn, if you remember him), another month, then Evan! So part of me is also cautious, because I have basically no experience other than monogamy and one or two random make-out partners. And I'm wondering how naive/idealistic I'm being, you know? But then I think that I'm not promoting any *one* lifestyle; it's more than I'm promoting finding the right lifestyle for you, and you can't do that unless you explore. So who knows.
And thanks for the congrats =). We went to my favorite veg restaurant, Great Sage in Clarksville - soo good.
Oh, and I'd like to talk one-on-one too! Next week my thesis will be done f'real (I got an extension because I'm a masochist), and I have a couple of weekend plans this month (like a friend's wedding! speaking of institutionalized monogamy...haha), but we'll make something happen!
No way, it makes me super happy to hear other people finding the right path for happiness, FOR THEM. But then, you're preaching to the choir, so I'm not sure how it would sound to somebody else.
I have tended to be a serial monogamist as well. This is the longest period of time in a while where I have been legitimately single. I'm so grateful to have had this opportunity, because I really have learned more about myself in the past eight months than I ever thought possible. You'd think you know who you are by age 25. Ha!
I'm also busy a lot, but we can find a time. You got my number!
It's not really a huge issue for me to be in a monogamous relationship, as I tend to not have feelings for other people unless I'm unhappy with the person I'm with... in which case it has always been best to simply end the relationship. I am very honest with people when I start dating them, and explain how I feel about cheating... which is basically that it's only cheating to me if you lie about it. They still lie. VERY frustrating, and that's the issue for me.
I recently became involved with somebody who is married and open. It's a very new experience for me, in practice at least. I also am now potentially becoming involved with somebody else who is not at all looking for an open relationship. I know what my choice will be if this new thing continues to develop, at which point I WOULD be asked to make a choice, for a variety of reasons. Ahhhh I'm being so purposefully vague :) Just recently (in the past several months) I have been forced to reexamine my feelings about relationships and sexuality. Being well-educated on these topics and generally open-minded, this new perspective has been rather sudden and uncomfortable (but good!) to me. It's weird to basically wake up one day and see yourself as a different person. You know, as if I didn't have enough going on in my life already :p
In conclusion, congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you two. Four years is a long long time at this point in our lives - be proud.
And, if you ever want to chat about these topics one-on-one, I'd really love that!
Reply
It feels weird saying that in a way, because I basically haven't been single since middle school...I'm a serial monogamist. Various "boyfriends" in 9th grade until the end of 9th grade when I met Daniel, whom I dated for over 3 years. Then one month of singledom, then a short relationship, a month more of singledom, a half-year relationship with Danny (the Philipino one from Renn, if you remember him), another month, then Evan! So part of me is also cautious, because I have basically no experience other than monogamy and one or two random make-out partners. And I'm wondering how naive/idealistic I'm being, you know? But then I think that I'm not promoting any *one* lifestyle; it's more than I'm promoting finding the right lifestyle for you, and you can't do that unless you explore. So who knows.
And thanks for the congrats =). We went to my favorite veg restaurant, Great Sage in Clarksville - soo good.
Oh, and I'd like to talk one-on-one too! Next week my thesis will be done f'real (I got an extension because I'm a masochist), and I have a couple of weekend plans this month (like a friend's wedding! speaking of institutionalized monogamy...haha), but we'll make something happen!
Reply
I have tended to be a serial monogamist as well. This is the longest period of time in a while where I have been legitimately single. I'm so grateful to have had this opportunity, because I really have learned more about myself in the past eight months than I ever thought possible. You'd think you know who you are by age 25. Ha!
I'm also busy a lot, but we can find a time. You got my number!
Reply
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