A lot of words, little point.
Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, OKAY.
Think I've got it figured out.
I'm really going to have to study study study my French. So I can CLEP the hell out of it. Minor it it. It'd be like, easy breezy. Except not, because it's not like Spanish where I have a very solid grasp of the concepts and the vocabulary and several years of repetition to go on. It's all ME. All on me.
I feel so weird lately, like I don't know who I am! I am so shy and reserved and I say the weirdest dumbest most awkward things ever, and I used to feel so clever and normal and quick on the uptake, but now I just feel like the girl at the party that you look around the room just to find something else to do or someone else to talk to so she'll stop talking to you. I don't even have funny jokes, I just have the WEIRDEST fuckin' one-liners that aren't even jokes just.. dumb things to say. -ssiiiggghhhh- I don't know, man. I think I'm just at a weird point in my life. I have such minimal human contact.. I mean, technically I have a LOT, I am around people ALL DAY CONSTANTLY, but none that I am being myself around. I get into camp counselor mode so quickly and I haven't been able to switch into friend mode for some reason. I've been keeping myself at a distance. So that's what I mean by minimal human contact... minimal beyourselfjennacauseyourejusthanginoutnobigdeal contact.
I work so much. I am very lonely. I am so tight on cash. So low on friends. It's just a WEIRD time in my life. But I am looking forward to the future, which says a lot I think. Mainly just excited about getting out of these personal debts, and school starting and maybe meeting people in classes and maybe planning to go to Spain next summer and maybe going to my college-let's-figure-out-your-life-plan person and getting that sorted out and maybe even getting free counseling because my school offers that! and why not? and substitute teaching which will be cool and doing much better in school this semester and maybe having grown up this summer before my very own eyes????
I guess it just feels like a personal time lately. That's it. That's the word. This summer has felt very personal. Different than lonely, but with the idea still lingering somewhere around there. I 'spose that's what your 20's are for, right? Eh? Eh?