(no subject)
In gruesome detail, let's recount why we don't want Congress to be re-elected
Charles M. Madigan
September 26, 2006
Election Day will be upon us sooner than any of us could have anticipated, which means we will go to the polls, once again, somewhat unprepared, and poke and prod and punch our way through ballots and learn at day's end that almost all members of Congress have been re-elected.
I'm a grownup, so on one level, I understand this.
People don't vote for "Congress," they vote for individuals in congressional races. Hence, local math always favors incumbency because incumbents play such a big role in determining what the numbers are going to be.
And face it, in your busy life, how much do you really pay attention to "issues" that eat up so much media time? Well, of course, there's the war, there's health care, there's that catchall "economy," but do any of these big things stop you in the course of a day?
No. Well, they stop some people. But not everyone.
When gas prices break $3, you moan. When someone you know loses a job, it's too bad. When an uncle has medical problems, again, too bad. A relative is hurt in Iraq or Afghanistan, or a military tour is extended, again, too bad.
You might think about it for a little while. But you just don't stop and say, "I'm not taking it anymore!"
This is just too bad because lots of these issues should give us great pause.
The fact that much of Congress will be re-elected should not lead people to think Congress and the government are doing a fine job.
I have just completed reading an extensive New York Times poll.
I have thought about it. Processed it. Called forth my inner pundit.
Here's what I think it shows.
People would rather have their head dunked in the swampy, bubbly goo that comes out of pipes at chemical plants than see Congress continue on its present path.
They would rather select a baboon from the zoo, dress him in a nice suit, give him an expense account and ship him off to Washington than cast ballots for the congressional candidates who are available this time around.
They would rather sit on wasps and stick knitting needles in their ears than see the Bush administration pursue its present course on A) Iraq, B) the economy, stupid and C) tax policies aimed at taking some of that uncomfortable edge off being filthy rich.
They would rather stand on a corner and rip up $100 bills than see any more of their tax money shipped off to special interests so members of Congress can find some way to sidle on up to a nipple on one of those big lobbying sows and just suck and suck until they fall contentedly asleep.
And that's not even factoring golf outings into the picture!
A large percentage of the population, by my interpretation, would rather be served mashed potatoes full of hair clippings than see Congress continue on its present course.
On the more positive side, a healthy percentage of the voting public believes the current Congress should be dressed in hair shirts and dunked repeatedly in any of the wonderful reflecting ponds in our nation's capital.
A majority would like to see members of Congress herded, like dumb cattle, onto the nation's superhighway system and driven by cowboys, like steers on the way to a stockyard, all over the country so we could hold our delightful young children on our shoulders and point and jeer at our elected representatives as they amble on past while we shout, "Parasites! Grafters!"
Just under a majority believes members of Congress should be served only fast-food diets until they swell up and swoon and then be told, "Kind of regret that vote against health care now, don't you, Rep. Bloated (R-Gluttony)? Why don't you just take a seat in the waiting room and hope for the best."
Four in 10 think it would be "really keen" to pull their teeth out with needle-nose pliers, while the remaining 60 percent feel bashing their toes with hammers "would be just fine."
Conservative Christians believe Congress should face a smiting.
Moderate Christians support a passing biblical plague, perhaps frogs from the Potomac.
Non-believers reported they would be willing to believe if only a deity of some kind would cast a judgmental whack on the U.S. House.
There is, of course, a vast margin of error in my interpretation, which is why almost everyone will be re-elected handily.
Stay tuned for my upcoming congressional reality show, "What's in It for Us?" where costumed folks labeled "special interests" try to tease the answer from a collection of committee chairpersons.
I'm thinking Fox and I'm thinking prime time.
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Charles M. Madigan is a Tribune senior editor and correspondent. His e-mail address: cmadigan@tribune.com
Copyright (c) 2006, Chicago Tribune
Charles M. Madigan
September 26, 2006
Election Day will be upon us sooner than any of us could have anticipated, which means we will go to the polls, once again, somewhat unprepared, and poke and prod and punch our way through ballots and learn at day's end that almost all members of Congress have been re-elected.
I'm a grownup, so on one level, I understand this.
People don't vote for "Congress," they vote for individuals in congressional races. Hence, local math always favors incumbency because incumbents play such a big role in determining what the numbers are going to be.
And face it, in your busy life, how much do you really pay attention to "issues" that eat up so much media time? Well, of course, there's the war, there's health care, there's that catchall "economy," but do any of these big things stop you in the course of a day?
No. Well, they stop some people. But not everyone.
When gas prices break $3, you moan. When someone you know loses a job, it's too bad. When an uncle has medical problems, again, too bad. A relative is hurt in Iraq or Afghanistan, or a military tour is extended, again, too bad.
You might think about it for a little while. But you just don't stop and say, "I'm not taking it anymore!"
This is just too bad because lots of these issues should give us great pause.
The fact that much of Congress will be re-elected should not lead people to think Congress and the government are doing a fine job.
I have just completed reading an extensive New York Times poll.
I have thought about it. Processed it. Called forth my inner pundit.
Here's what I think it shows.
People would rather have their head dunked in the swampy, bubbly goo that comes out of pipes at chemical plants than see Congress continue on its present path.
They would rather select a baboon from the zoo, dress him in a nice suit, give him an expense account and ship him off to Washington than cast ballots for the congressional candidates who are available this time around.
They would rather sit on wasps and stick knitting needles in their ears than see the Bush administration pursue its present course on A) Iraq, B) the economy, stupid and C) tax policies aimed at taking some of that uncomfortable edge off being filthy rich.
They would rather stand on a corner and rip up $100 bills than see any more of their tax money shipped off to special interests so members of Congress can find some way to sidle on up to a nipple on one of those big lobbying sows and just suck and suck until they fall contentedly asleep.
And that's not even factoring golf outings into the picture!
A large percentage of the population, by my interpretation, would rather be served mashed potatoes full of hair clippings than see Congress continue on its present course.
On the more positive side, a healthy percentage of the voting public believes the current Congress should be dressed in hair shirts and dunked repeatedly in any of the wonderful reflecting ponds in our nation's capital.
A majority would like to see members of Congress herded, like dumb cattle, onto the nation's superhighway system and driven by cowboys, like steers on the way to a stockyard, all over the country so we could hold our delightful young children on our shoulders and point and jeer at our elected representatives as they amble on past while we shout, "Parasites! Grafters!"
Just under a majority believes members of Congress should be served only fast-food diets until they swell up and swoon and then be told, "Kind of regret that vote against health care now, don't you, Rep. Bloated (R-Gluttony)? Why don't you just take a seat in the waiting room and hope for the best."
Four in 10 think it would be "really keen" to pull their teeth out with needle-nose pliers, while the remaining 60 percent feel bashing their toes with hammers "would be just fine."
Conservative Christians believe Congress should face a smiting.
Moderate Christians support a passing biblical plague, perhaps frogs from the Potomac.
Non-believers reported they would be willing to believe if only a deity of some kind would cast a judgmental whack on the U.S. House.
There is, of course, a vast margin of error in my interpretation, which is why almost everyone will be re-elected handily.
Stay tuned for my upcoming congressional reality show, "What's in It for Us?" where costumed folks labeled "special interests" try to tease the answer from a collection of committee chairpersons.
I'm thinking Fox and I'm thinking prime time.
----------
Charles M. Madigan is a Tribune senior editor and correspondent. His e-mail address: cmadigan@tribune.com
Copyright (c) 2006, Chicago Tribune