robitussin...
is gross.
:)
Enough said.
I ended up getting pretty sick on Christmas. I woke up feeling horrible, I guess the lack of sleep didn't help much either.
Overall I had a pretty good christmas. Me and alan ate breakfast and then opened presents. He ended up getting me a computer (which is awessssome) and not expected. I hate that he spent that much money on me, but its nice to know that he really does care.
Even though he's not an a real *lovey dovey* type of guy, he shows it in so many ways. I've been feeling like crap, and snapping pretty bad at him. I just forgot to take my BC pills for two days..and it messed my hormones up pretty bad. I'm just glad he can seem to overlook it.
Buttt... I went to my moms and enjoyed some quality mom-daughter chit chat. I love my mom. I really do. I look back and see how bad I treated her and it makes me just want to cringe and hope my children NEVER treat me the way I treated her. She means so much to me... and I just can't see what happened. We've had our talks about how bad I felt about what happened. If you all don't know... me and my mom went through some pretty bad downfalls. We constantly fought, literally. The last time she hit me was when I was 15, and I'll never forget it. That was the moment when I decided to fight back and defended myself. She had grabbed me by my throat and slammed me against a wall (in our hallway) and continued to scream down my throat... and I jsut remember grabbing her neck and slamming her against the other way and perceeded to tell her to never touch me again. I think that was the awakening for her.
Now, I can't go a day without at least speaking to her to say hello.
I don't know what I'm going to do when her time comes.
I didn't see my father this year for christmas. Not suprising he didn't call. He didn't even call his own mother. This year just didn't feel like christmas. A lot of people have been saying it just didn't feel right. I had alan, but, he's just not my dad. Christmas isn't about gifts and great food. To me it's about being with your family. Yea, it's the birth of Christ.... not only is that special, but its special to be with a family who loves you. Alan's father made me feel better than my own dad has made me feel all these years. I actually feel accepted by him. Which is unbelievably remarkable. I just want those times when I could talk to my dad about almost anything. What happened to that man? He got consumed with his wife (which is closer to me now than my own father), his money, and his prize possession properties. It just felt extremely weird not to even hear from him.
My sis said he called but all he did was complain about how his own mother was buying her grandson a 4-wheeler for christmas. Ok father, she's not spending your inheritance, so back the hell off.
I swear, that man just isnt a man to me anymore. He's a monster..and I'm ashamed to have his last name.
I think it just hurts more to know that he apparently wants nothing to do with me. He acts like he wants to, but when you lie and manipulate someone for so long, you're eventually going to be figured out. I finally figured it out in time.
Ok, so enough about the rambling. I took that robitussin not to long ago and I'm sure its going to kick in pretty shortly.
Sorry about this long boring journal...but, hey, I have many 2 readers, so who gives a shit. :D
Have a happy new year everyone. I'm sure I'll be on more and more now that I have this kick ass new computer.
hehe :D
:)
Enough said.
I ended up getting pretty sick on Christmas. I woke up feeling horrible, I guess the lack of sleep didn't help much either.
Overall I had a pretty good christmas. Me and alan ate breakfast and then opened presents. He ended up getting me a computer (which is awessssome) and not expected. I hate that he spent that much money on me, but its nice to know that he really does care.
Even though he's not an a real *lovey dovey* type of guy, he shows it in so many ways. I've been feeling like crap, and snapping pretty bad at him. I just forgot to take my BC pills for two days..and it messed my hormones up pretty bad. I'm just glad he can seem to overlook it.
Buttt... I went to my moms and enjoyed some quality mom-daughter chit chat. I love my mom. I really do. I look back and see how bad I treated her and it makes me just want to cringe and hope my children NEVER treat me the way I treated her. She means so much to me... and I just can't see what happened. We've had our talks about how bad I felt about what happened. If you all don't know... me and my mom went through some pretty bad downfalls. We constantly fought, literally. The last time she hit me was when I was 15, and I'll never forget it. That was the moment when I decided to fight back and defended myself. She had grabbed me by my throat and slammed me against a wall (in our hallway) and continued to scream down my throat... and I jsut remember grabbing her neck and slamming her against the other way and perceeded to tell her to never touch me again. I think that was the awakening for her.
Now, I can't go a day without at least speaking to her to say hello.
I don't know what I'm going to do when her time comes.
I didn't see my father this year for christmas. Not suprising he didn't call. He didn't even call his own mother. This year just didn't feel like christmas. A lot of people have been saying it just didn't feel right. I had alan, but, he's just not my dad. Christmas isn't about gifts and great food. To me it's about being with your family. Yea, it's the birth of Christ.... not only is that special, but its special to be with a family who loves you. Alan's father made me feel better than my own dad has made me feel all these years. I actually feel accepted by him. Which is unbelievably remarkable. I just want those times when I could talk to my dad about almost anything. What happened to that man? He got consumed with his wife (which is closer to me now than my own father), his money, and his prize possession properties. It just felt extremely weird not to even hear from him.
My sis said he called but all he did was complain about how his own mother was buying her grandson a 4-wheeler for christmas. Ok father, she's not spending your inheritance, so back the hell off.
I swear, that man just isnt a man to me anymore. He's a monster..and I'm ashamed to have his last name.
I think it just hurts more to know that he apparently wants nothing to do with me. He acts like he wants to, but when you lie and manipulate someone for so long, you're eventually going to be figured out. I finally figured it out in time.
Ok, so enough about the rambling. I took that robitussin not to long ago and I'm sure its going to kick in pretty shortly.
Sorry about this long boring journal...but, hey, I have many 2 readers, so who gives a shit. :D
Have a happy new year everyone. I'm sure I'll be on more and more now that I have this kick ass new computer.
hehe :D