I'm sorry, sweetie. How vastly rich and different everyone's lives are, aren't they?
Don't give up on that feeling. If there is someone you're supposed to meet, then you will. You just won't necessarily know how or when or why. :) (((HUGS)))
I wish that infertility did not force you into this decision :( Have you ever thought about donor embryos? We have a few that need a good home. All kidding aside, FET's are so much easier then fresh IVF cycles if there was just a little part of you that wanted to explore something different.
I cannot relate to where you're coming from but do understand especially given the difficult pregnancy you had. It's just not fair that we have to go through so much to have a family. Hugs!
When we did the cycle that resulted in Carter, I really hoped it would either result in twins (we transferred two embryos), or that some of the 11 embryos left would freeze so we could do an FET. Neither of those things happened, obviously. If we'd had embryos, I think the situation would be completely different, and we would have already done an FET cycle by now. If the embryos are already there, it's just a different situation -- or it least it seems that way to me.
But this is the hand we've been dealt, and I'm learning to accept it. I'm not particularly religious, but I really believe that you should make the best you can out of what you've got, and that's what we'll do!
What you have written is very much like I feel most of the time, except even at 39 I can't quite bring myself to stop trying just yet. I'll give it at least another two goes (that would take me into double figures of pregnancies and probably into my 40s) but after that, I'm really not sure. At least our next try will be advancing scientific knowledge as we're on a RCT for progesterone supplements. However for the past six months I've been reconciling myself to the fact that Alex will probably be an only child and also in all likelihood not have any first cousins
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I really don't know how you are able to deal with the miscarriages. It was hard enough all of those years just not getting pregnant, but the thought of getting pregnant and then miscarrying over and over sounds utterly unbearable to me!
I think a lot about the sibling issue, and I think Carter will be perfectly happy without siblings, actually. Some of his little friends are now getting baby sisters and brothers and he not only shows no interest in the babies, but starts really clinging to me after visits! I have a very close-knit extended family, and Carter has lots of cousins his age. We travel to visit them often, and I think that will help us feel like we have a larger family than we do.
I hope one of your next tries is successful! *hugs*
I think the close extended family means a lot and can give him some similar experiences to siblings. I had my sister growing up, but we only rarely saw cousins (mostly because they were all significantly older, for the most part THEY were having children while we were growing up). But I've had friends who were very close to cousins and I was often jealous of that. I'm actually trying to figure out what I want to do work-wise next year, including whether or not I want to move. I'm very seriously considering moving much closer to DC where my sister and my husband's sister (who currently has Liam's only cousin) live
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I was close to my cousins growing up, and my cousins are still important to me! I want Carter to have that, and I make every effort to take him to NC to visit family. He's not the only child in my extended family, and I think that will help too.
There's something about seeing tiny babies, or looking back at Carter's baby pictures that makes me long for a baby. I think that's totally normal, and at least partly hormonal! But when I really think about what it would take to get to the point of holding that baby -- reality check.
I think a lot of people end up with very different real-world parenting experiences than their expectations led them to think they'd have -- have you ever read Welcome to Holland? It was written about having a special needs kid, but I think a lot of the emotion could very well carry over to your situation.
*hugs you so much* You are a WONDERFUL mom, and Carter will grow up knowing how much he was wanted and how much he's loved, and nothing will ever take that security away from him. I think that's awesome.
I want to thank you for all the times you've talked to me about your own feelings about being an only child. It really helped me start to see it as a very positive thing for Carter, and I really needed that. I've done a lot of reading about only kids since, and have really learned a lot.
I had my whole life planned out, and this was the one thing that was completely out of my control. It was unsettling and humbling, and I learned a lot about myself in the process. And of course, now that we have Carter, I wouldn't change any of it -- it was the path that brought him to us, you know? :-)
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Don't give up on that feeling. If there is someone you're supposed to meet, then you will. You just won't necessarily know how or when or why. :) (((HUGS)))
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I cannot relate to where you're coming from but do understand especially given the difficult pregnancy you had. It's just not fair that we have to go through so much to have a family. Hugs!
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But this is the hand we've been dealt, and I'm learning to accept it. I'm not particularly religious, but I really believe that you should make the best you can out of what you've got, and that's what we'll do!
And on your last point, yeah -- so, so unfair!
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I think a lot about the sibling issue, and I think Carter will be perfectly happy without siblings, actually. Some of his little friends are now getting baby sisters and brothers and he not only shows no interest in the babies, but starts really clinging to me after visits! I have a very close-knit extended family, and Carter has lots of cousins his age. We travel to visit them often, and I think that will help us feel like we have a larger family than we do.
I hope one of your next tries is successful! *hugs*
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There's something about seeing tiny babies, or looking back at Carter's baby pictures that makes me long for a baby. I think that's totally normal, and at least partly hormonal! But when I really think about what it would take to get to the point of holding that baby -- reality check.
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*hugs you so much* You are a WONDERFUL mom, and Carter will grow up knowing how much he was wanted and how much he's loved, and nothing will ever take that security away from him. I think that's awesome.
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I had my whole life planned out, and this was the one thing that was completely out of my control. It was unsettling and humbling, and I learned a lot about myself in the process. And of course, now that we have Carter, I wouldn't change any of it -- it was the path that brought him to us, you know? :-)
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