Why YES, this IS my angry face...
It has been more than obvious that I have been a deep shade of angry lately. I have traversed many unfavorable emotions over the last few months. It has been a long and crappy field trip.
There are many reasons that I am bothered by this. One being that I try to be rational with anger. All my other emotions fly freely in a kamikaze fashion, at times. Yet, my anger I try to maintain. The other main reason is that I actually rather enjoy it. I am upset with myself for finding the release of unadulterated rage nearly euphoric. Not too long ago, I became so angry I surpassed my normal stages of snarling, venting, and even seething under the appearance of calm. I became calm. I ascended my anger and I felt as though I were floating. Well not quite, more like suspended in slow moving jello... Anyhow, I was kind of floating (ish) in a river of red. I was watching myself on the warpath below. Its like I just "checked out" for a minute.
This, to me, says that I need to make some changes. Some are VERY VERY obvious. Others are more subtle. I am going to take a break to some extent. I have been running myself ragged with a plethora of things that need to go into the "NMP" pile, also known as the "Not my Problem" pile (Thanks Leik). I no longer have the faculties to stomach what is on my plate AND many others as well. Especially when they are self-created problems. I am sorry if that is how you spend your free time... get a friggin' hobby!
On the plus side, I had a huge, shiny "my Goddess you are a dumb-ass, how did you not see this earlier" epiphany! It relates to this huge raging mess I have gotten myself farther and farther into over the years. And, you guess it, it is tied to my husband. (I would like to take a time-out for a moment just to say: I hope that there is a Hell. And if there is, I hope Satan is currently eating his soul on a biscuit. Thank you.) Anywho, I will not burden anyone with the ridiculously obvious details. The point is, I figured it out! So, now I just need to know what to do with it. I am going to borrow a well known theory here. Now I know, and knowing is half the battle...
There are many reasons that I am bothered by this. One being that I try to be rational with anger. All my other emotions fly freely in a kamikaze fashion, at times. Yet, my anger I try to maintain. The other main reason is that I actually rather enjoy it. I am upset with myself for finding the release of unadulterated rage nearly euphoric. Not too long ago, I became so angry I surpassed my normal stages of snarling, venting, and even seething under the appearance of calm. I became calm. I ascended my anger and I felt as though I were floating. Well not quite, more like suspended in slow moving jello... Anyhow, I was kind of floating (ish) in a river of red. I was watching myself on the warpath below. Its like I just "checked out" for a minute.
This, to me, says that I need to make some changes. Some are VERY VERY obvious. Others are more subtle. I am going to take a break to some extent. I have been running myself ragged with a plethora of things that need to go into the "NMP" pile, also known as the "Not my Problem" pile (Thanks Leik). I no longer have the faculties to stomach what is on my plate AND many others as well. Especially when they are self-created problems. I am sorry if that is how you spend your free time... get a friggin' hobby!
On the plus side, I had a huge, shiny "my Goddess you are a dumb-ass, how did you not see this earlier" epiphany! It relates to this huge raging mess I have gotten myself farther and farther into over the years. And, you guess it, it is tied to my husband. (I would like to take a time-out for a moment just to say: I hope that there is a Hell. And if there is, I hope Satan is currently eating his soul on a biscuit. Thank you.) Anywho, I will not burden anyone with the ridiculously obvious details. The point is, I figured it out! So, now I just need to know what to do with it. I am going to borrow a well known theory here. Now I know, and knowing is half the battle...