I'm not settling
Trudy asked me if I knew what was up with a couple of depressing posts that Wes had put up on his wall over the weekend. This weekend was crazy busy, so I didn't catch them, but thought it was odd. I thought he was finally over her.
He hit me up at work, telling me it was too much to talk about, so I offered an ear whenever he felt it was appropriate. He caved on Yahoo, and told me that he wasn't over her and that he can't move on. After 4 years. Then he told me that that was probably why he couldn't take the next step with Shay (moving in together).
Immediately, the burn of jealousy, hurt, and a mask of anger washed over me and I told him that I didn't want him confiding in me on this stuff. I'm trying to move on from assholes who reject me, and him telling me that he regretted not moving forward with someone else was a huge blow.
I'm really tired and bored with dicks. I'm not ready for anything with substance because, as revealed today, I still make up illusions about the potential of a potential partner, but I am ready to be alone so that I can heal, discover myself, and move on. I do not want my next relationship to be an illusion. I do not want my next partner to have potential - I want to fall in love with him as he is... and simply watch how he unfolds over time.
I want to be happy. I want to find what that means for me.
Posted via LiveJournal.app.