Birthday
Over the past couple of weeks, I've been reflecting on the past year. What has changed, what has changed in me. Of course, each year's experiences will reveal more about yourself, but 25 was powerful.
I've come to terms that I have a chronic condition and that I will likely be on medication for the rest of my life. I've been honest with Jeff and broken it off. I've come to terms that I will likely never choose to have process relationships with either of my parents again. I am comfortable with my body and am not going to let what other people might think about it stop me from enjoying it. I am working toward being comfortable with life and will not let what other people might think about it stop me from enjoying it. I make less excuses and give fewer unwanted explanations. I can push myself through certain mental blocks even when running solo. I often apply those same mental mantras to my general life now. I learned how to swim for the first time. I'm learning how to ballroom dance.
I'm still crazy about Cliff, but I'm not crazy over Cliff.
I'm not afraid to be alone. I paid off my debts. I've built up an emergency fund. I developed a resume and applied for an exciting new job. I came to terms that if I want to go back to school, I'm going to have to save for at least the first year. I developed closer relationships with my siblings and learned to mind my own business when they did things that I didn't agree with. I helped Jonathan find work, Sam start her search for schools, and Abby source swimming lessons - and am the only one there to cheer her on at her lessons.
I am starting to let go of the past, keep an eye on the future, but for once, live in the present. I'm not ready to have everything I will have over the course of my life right now. I will be ready when it comes - or maybe I won't be. I am taking my life one day at a time. Enjoying what I have. Being productive with what I have. I will continue to do my best with the opportunities that will continue to arise. I am quitting anticipating every step, though some habits are tough to break.
But even when I relapse and break my progress, I work to see the value of the lesson and move forward tweaking the broken process along the way. Before I would quit and fail.
I am a doer, not a dreamer. I am my personal best. I am 26.
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