Nostalgia
We've been having issues with our mail server at work, so Outlook resynced every emails in every folder. Oh boy, I have a lot of emails stored. I decided after it took about 5 hours to sync that I should probably trash the majority of it. As a packrat, it's been tough to consider ridding any emails, let alone a few thousand.
Pouring through it, I came across my history while I've been here at Climax. Nothing too disturbing. Emails from GS and Cliff. Some from Jeff. But, then I came across a few from Andy. One string in particular grabbed me, yanked me from where I was, back to 2004, and then I cried for a little while. It's been a really long time since I've cried over that guy; I don't miss him... not because I didn't like him, but because I can see how happy and healthy he is with his wife. In this string, we had an argument about our "relationship". He felt that if I wanted to save our chance, I shouldn't be in a relationship with Cliff. I was torn. I loved Cliff and was happy with him, but never got a chance to see where the chips would fall meeting Andy.
I pushed his buttons and he told me that I hadn't changed or matured; true. "No. I'm pretty sure you haven't grown at all. Six months ago you were dating Cliff, you were failing college, and you were working at a low paying, futile job. Those are all still true, except you dropped out of college instead. We talked on the phone a lot about politics and what not. No growth there, either. Congratulations."
Almost 6 years later, very little of that has changed.
I'm a failure.
Pouring through it, I came across my history while I've been here at Climax. Nothing too disturbing. Emails from GS and Cliff. Some from Jeff. But, then I came across a few from Andy. One string in particular grabbed me, yanked me from where I was, back to 2004, and then I cried for a little while. It's been a really long time since I've cried over that guy; I don't miss him... not because I didn't like him, but because I can see how happy and healthy he is with his wife. In this string, we had an argument about our "relationship". He felt that if I wanted to save our chance, I shouldn't be in a relationship with Cliff. I was torn. I loved Cliff and was happy with him, but never got a chance to see where the chips would fall meeting Andy.
I pushed his buttons and he told me that I hadn't changed or matured; true. "No. I'm pretty sure you haven't grown at all. Six months ago you were dating Cliff, you were failing college, and you were working at a low paying, futile job. Those are all still true, except you dropped out of college instead. We talked on the phone a lot about politics and what not. No growth there, either. Congratulations."
Almost 6 years later, very little of that has changed.
I'm a failure.