Why am I all alone?

[jenn341322]

So what do you do when you feel all alone? For me, I spend much of my time alone in my room, sleeping, doing nothing. On the outside, I seem like a happy-go-lucky girl how has nothing in the world bothering her. That's simply not the case. Here lately it seems like I am all alone. I feel like I'm confined to myself. I feel like I don't have anyone I can really talk to about things that have gone on and that are going on in my life. I really do need someone. I need someone to comfort me, love me, and I need a friend. Sure I have friends, and they are great, but something is just missing. I don't know if it is because they are younger, but i need someone I can have a mature, adult, and meaningful conversation with. I lost my best friend that I had all of this with. I guess that is life, and I need to deal with it, but it is hard. I sometimes wonder, why am I all alone? Why haven't I been able to find that guy I want to spend my time with? And when I think I have found him, I can't have them like I wish I could. At first everything is great with them, and it seems like there is a good chance for something other than a friendship to come out of it, but I guess it doesn't work like that for me. I feel like the guys that I go out with only want one thing and that is something I am not willing to give up. Yes, I am a VIRGIN and it is going to take someone very special to me to have that. There are two people in this world I have ever considered to be special enough. Both I have been very close to for almost two years and I trust them and care for them so much. But one has now moved far away, and the other, I don't get to see nearly as much as I would like to. I did, however, hang out with him this weekend and it was awesome. It was completely random running into him. You see, the summer before senior year, this person and I were together a lot and we would spend hours talking about anything and everything. We both told each other things we had never told anyone else and confided in each other out secrets. One night we had spent hours at the river talking and then we went back to my house and sat outside in a swing still talking. This night was probably the most important night we had. This guy had been with a girl for a very long time and she became pregnant and they got engaged. She had a miscarriage and then cheated on him with his best friend in his own bed. Needless to say, he broke everything off with her, but still continued to wear his ring. Well this night, he decided to take off the ring and give it to me as a symbol of how much our friendship meant to the both of us. Well I told him I would put it on the necklace that my dad had given to me when I was little with my baby ring on it. So I don't wear this necklace very often and I put it on for the first time in a long time of Friday. Well, the next day, I saw him. But anyway, I still feel alone, wanting someone I can spend my time with and perhaps give my heart to and have a relationship with. Last night I was talking to Chris that I work with and tell everything to, and I confided something to him, I have not told many people at all. We decided that this could be why I can't seem to get close to guys and so on. If you don't know what this is and you want to know, just ask me. It is always good for me to talk about it, but I just can't seem to bring the subject up myself. So, just ask me. You all know, I am a very open and honest person. But I don't know. I don't know where to take this entry so I think I am just going to end it.

The Postal Service~ Against All Odds

how can I just let you walk away
just let you leave without a trace?
when I stand here taking every breath
with you, oooou
you're the only one
who really knew me at all

how can you just walk away from me
when all I can do is watch you leave?
cause we shared the laughter and the pain
and even shared the tears
you're the only one
who really knew me at all

so take a look at me now
there's just an empty space
there's nothing left here to remind me
just the memory of your face
take a look at me now
there's just an empty space
you coming back to me is against the odds
and thats what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around
turn around and see me cry
there's so much I need to say to you
so many reasons why
you're the only one
who really knew me at all

so take a look at me now
there's just an empty space
there's nothing left here to remind me
just the memory of your face
take a look at me now
there's just an empty space
but to wait for you is all I can do
and that's what I've got to face
take a look at me now
I'll just be standing here
you coming back to me is against the odds
and thats a chance I've got to face

take a look at me now