Thinking about NOW.
It's difficult, some days, to get through however many hours is calculated that I need to get through. It's easy for me to get in a bad mood, really quickly, if I know I won't be able to sleep in any days this week. I feel like some days at work I'm dragging my feet... Some days fly by because I'm having so much fun and I look cute and people aren't being such assholes this holiday season. I'm thankful for that... Kind of.
I'm thankful that freak boy wasn't in class on Monday because for the first time since before we had our big freakout episode at Brad's, I actually enjoyed Jerry Thomas' lecture... Ahhhh. It's hard to not blurt things out loud and want to punch pillows when a co-worker tells an ex co-worker that I had dirty dreams about him and he comes into the store giggling with his boy- friends like little girls. It's difficult when she tells me that Justin is taking her out to dinner, or that she saw THIS movie with Justin, or that she partied with Justin, recently. I really don't care... Do I? It's difficult, but at least I don't punch walls... Or people... Or babies. At least I'm not a bible thumper but I respect the fact that maybe there is a God. So maybe I hate guys because the majority of them have been dicks to me but at least I know that I couldn't live without em'.
I'm thankful for my parents. Even if Mom gets a little overworked sometimes about things and gets me upset about things that Dad has to talk me down on... That's what Dads are for. So what if Dad goes out with his buddies sometimes for drinks... He's FIFTY and he's prob living more than I do some days... He works a tough job, he deserves it sometimes. So WHAT if Mom read my journal... Maybe sometims it's BETTER for Moms to read their daughter's journal... At least now she knows me a little bit better.
I'm thankful for my brother. It's hard to believe that years ago we used to fight and would leave teeth marks in each other's arms. He's probably my best friend and I trust him more than anyone in the whole world, ever.
Is it WRONG if sometimes I have doubts about trusting my best friend?
Why do people have to be so mean and why do people deliberately try to make other people's lives stressful and sad and why do people have to always be the center of attention? WHY, I'll never, ever understand just WHY some people cannot live without DRAMA. I just don't get it, and I really don't like it.
I'm sorry for being so conceeded and so bitchy and so blunt about things... This is just reality and how emotions work. I'm not sorry for cutting people off who hurt me, and who aren't worth a minute of my day, that is already so difficult to get through anyway.
I'm not sad anymore that I don't see him every weekend, but I am disappointed sometimes because I miss how things used to be. Maybe it IS for the better, but I am glad that it happened (despite all the drama and despite all the bad things that may have happened along the way) because he's one of the coolest, baddest, funniest, weirdest, most awesomest people I've ever met, and I doubt I'll ever meet anyone else like him in this lifetime. It just sucks that well, you know. But I'm aight wif dat.
PS- this is really gay, but at least it felt good to do it.
I'm thankful that freak boy wasn't in class on Monday because for the first time since before we had our big freakout episode at Brad's, I actually enjoyed Jerry Thomas' lecture... Ahhhh. It's hard to not blurt things out loud and want to punch pillows when a co-worker tells an ex co-worker that I had dirty dreams about him and he comes into the store giggling with his boy- friends like little girls. It's difficult when she tells me that Justin is taking her out to dinner, or that she saw THIS movie with Justin, or that she partied with Justin, recently. I really don't care... Do I? It's difficult, but at least I don't punch walls... Or people... Or babies. At least I'm not a bible thumper but I respect the fact that maybe there is a God. So maybe I hate guys because the majority of them have been dicks to me but at least I know that I couldn't live without em'.
I'm thankful for my parents. Even if Mom gets a little overworked sometimes about things and gets me upset about things that Dad has to talk me down on... That's what Dads are for. So what if Dad goes out with his buddies sometimes for drinks... He's FIFTY and he's prob living more than I do some days... He works a tough job, he deserves it sometimes. So WHAT if Mom read my journal... Maybe sometims it's BETTER for Moms to read their daughter's journal... At least now she knows me a little bit better.
I'm thankful for my brother. It's hard to believe that years ago we used to fight and would leave teeth marks in each other's arms. He's probably my best friend and I trust him more than anyone in the whole world, ever.
Is it WRONG if sometimes I have doubts about trusting my best friend?
Why do people have to be so mean and why do people deliberately try to make other people's lives stressful and sad and why do people have to always be the center of attention? WHY, I'll never, ever understand just WHY some people cannot live without DRAMA. I just don't get it, and I really don't like it.
I'm sorry for being so conceeded and so bitchy and so blunt about things... This is just reality and how emotions work. I'm not sorry for cutting people off who hurt me, and who aren't worth a minute of my day, that is already so difficult to get through anyway.
I'm not sad anymore that I don't see him every weekend, but I am disappointed sometimes because I miss how things used to be. Maybe it IS for the better, but I am glad that it happened (despite all the drama and despite all the bad things that may have happened along the way) because he's one of the coolest, baddest, funniest, weirdest, most awesomest people I've ever met, and I doubt I'll ever meet anyone else like him in this lifetime. It just sucks that well, you know. But I'm aight wif dat.
PS- this is really gay, but at least it felt good to do it.