Title: Nothing But the Whole Wide World
Author:
jenlynn820 Pairing: Chris Pine/Zachary Quinto
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: I don’t know Zach or Chris and I make no profit from this work.
Summary: Zach's afraid of losing Chris.
Beta:
eruberuethWord Count: 2499
Note: Title from the song “Nothing but the whole wide world” by Jakob Dylan
i. Sydney, Australia. April 7 2009
Color streaked the early morning sky. Darkness became light as purples and blues and oranges and pinks were smeared above Sydney Harbour like paint on a canvas. Zach took a sip from his bottle of water and wondered at the madman who would construct such an image, for surely only a brush dipped in madness would create something so unfettered, so gloriously wild.
Zach closed his eyes, could see the light behind his eyelids still, as the sky got paler with each passing second. He thought back to something else that was drenched in madness. Something else that was unfettered and wild. He shivered. No, not shivered-shuddered.
Images flashed through his mind, reels of film flickering across the screen inside his head. Chris pressed against him in the empty corridor, the party over, all their friends long gone as they lingered. They always fucking lingered. Like they couldn’t stand to be apart, like some force of nature kept them close, kept them orbiting each other. Zach could hear Chris’ voice, rough like sandpaper, breathing into his ear. He could feel Chris’ hands, strong, gripping him by the shoulders. And Chris’ mouth-fuck, Chris’ mouth hot and wet, tasting like cigarettes and expensive liquor. And then it stopped. Smashed into a million pieces of light, shattering apart, disappearing into thin air. Zach was slipping out of Chris’ grasp, muttering a weak apology and racing all the way back to the safety of his hotel room.
The sky was still cloaked in night when Zach locked the door behind him. Now morning was here, insistent, pushing back the darkness. Zach pulled the white robe he was wearing closer, raked his fingers through his messy hair and wished he could get the world to stop spinning. Or better yet, spin it backwards, avoid that moment from last night altogether. This way he wouldn’t-wouldn’t long for it, wouldn’t wish it had gone on, wouldn’t still be thinking of the way Chris’ lips felt, the way his tongue tasted, how warm his body was.
Zach was almost drowning in the memory once again when the sound of the glass balcony door sliding pulled him out of his head and into the real world. He didn’t have to turn to know who it was. He heard the door slide shut again and then saw Chris out of the corner of his eye, standing next to him, leaning on the railing.
Zach turned his head a little, just to get a better view. Chris wasn’t wearing his suit anymore, he’d changed into grey sweatpants and a white-t-shirt. Zach watched as Chris puffed on his cigarette and looked out onto the water. “How’d you get into my room? They teach you how to pick locks at Berkeley?” Zach asked, keeping his voice smooth.
Chris’ mouth curled into a small smile. “I sweet talked the guy at the desk,” he said, flicking the ashes over the edge. Zach watched the little bits of grey scatter as the breeze caught them. “I can’t believe you fucking ran out like that.”
Chris’ voice was softer, suddenly. Raspier, like the words were hard to say, like they’d caught in his throat. “I had to,” Zach said.
Chris turned his body now, standing up, facing Zach. “Had to? You had to push me away? You had to make me feel like fucking shit? Had to?”
“Chris,” Zach said. “I had to stop it before-before we made a terrible mistake.”
“What would be so fucking terrible about it?” Chris said, shaking his head in confusion. “You-I know you feel more for me than friendship. And you have to know I want you in the worst possible way. I’m fucking tired of the excuses, man. That’s all they are.”
Zach shook his head. “They’re not excuses. Every single relationship I’ve ever had has gone to hell.”
Chris shrugged. “Me, too. So what?”
“So I didn’t want it to end like that with you. You’re too-” Zach sniffled. Fuck it to hell. In for a penny. In for a pound. “You mean too much to me to be another guy who I never talk to, who I never see anymore. It would-it would break my heart, Chris. Break it into a million fucking tiny pieces that I'd never be able to put together again and I can’t-that can’t happen.”
Chris was next to him suddenly. Right next to him, reaching out with his hands and gripping Zach’s shoulders. Chris pushed at Zach until he turned, until they were chest to chest but not face to face. Zach couldn’t look up, didn’t trust himself to look into Chris’ eyes right now. “That won’t be us,” Chris said. “That’s not us. We’re not-I’m not every other guy you’ve ever been with. You’re not every other guy I’ve ever been with. We’re different. We. Are. Different. Don’t you feel that?” Chris voice held a note of desperation.
“I don’t know what I feel,” Zach said and now he looked up into the manic blue of Chris’ eyes. They were wild with emotion, so fucking bright, so fucking beautiful. “When I’m near you I don’t think. Do you know how much that scares me? Do you know I built a life where I’m never at a loss for anything? When we’re this close I feel-you could do anything to me. Anything at all.”
Chris reached out, his fingertips skidding over Zach’s cheek. “I just want to be with you, Zach. I don’t want do anything to you. Well-” Chris smirked, a wicked little smirk that broke the seriousness of the moment. “Sorry-look, I know it’s-it's scary. It’s raw, isn’t it? This thing between us. And our friendship is so… it’s comfortable. We know each other, we understand each other. But this other thing-this frenetic chemistry-I don’t want to fight it anymore, Zach. I want to see where it goes. We won’t end up like other people because it’s you and me. I trust that.”
“There’s so much we could lose,” Zach said.
“No, there isn’t,” Chris said. “We won’t lose anything. There’s nothing to lose. And the whole world to gain.”
Zach closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. “It’s been such an amazing night, hasn’t it?” he breathed.
Chris smiled a beautiful, open smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle. “Yeah. The audience loved it; the people back in Austin loved it. We did this together. You and me and JJ and everyone else. But it’s because of you, I’m here. It’s because you pulled strings to get a guy you hardly knew a second audition. Don’t think I don’t know that. This is our movie, Zach. It’s why we became friends. You’re the only one I want to be with right now. Here, at the bottom of the world, on a balcony over Sydney Harbour. You’re all I want. And I’m going to kiss you now and if you fucking pull away from me again I’ll-”
Zach didn’t give Chris a chance to finish. He gripped Chris tightly and pressed their bodies together, followed by their mouths. It was a dangerous kiss, rough, fueled by frantic need. Zach backed Chris up, pushed him towards the glass door, pausing only to slide it open. He had Chris inside the room heartbeats later.
The bed was a few feet from the door and they tumbled on to it. Chris made quick work of Zach’s robe, his hands trailing down against Zach’s chest. Zach tore at Chris’ t-shirt. Chris lifted his arms to let Zach yank it from his body, sliding out of his sweats next. They jockeyed for position, twisting and turning on the bed. Chris’ lips slid along Zach’s jaw. “Let me,” he breathed into Zach’s ear.
Zach went still then, letting Chris ease him on to his back. Everything slowed down, Chris taking time to kiss and touch Zach, to make him whimper with languid touches. Chris’ beard rasped against Zach’s cheek, against his hand as he reached out to caress Chris’ face.
Chris’ hands stroked down Zach’s sides, against his thighs. Zach bent his legs, opening them wide. Chris took the invitation, stroked a hand against Zach’s cock, stroked his finger-- Zach’s breath hitched at the touch. “Do you have…” Chris asked and Zach nodded, hand scrabbling into the little bag on the night stand, pushing what they needed into Chris’ palm.
Zach felt Chris’ skin slide against his as the other man moved before settling down against him again and-there it was, that intimate touch, Chris’ finger easing into Zach’s body. Zach closed his eyes; let his fingers move along Chris’ back. He could feel the tension in Chris’ frame, the power of his lean, muscular body, coiled above Zach. Zach squeezed the back of Chris’ neck and Chris brought their mouths together again, kissing Zach with a kind of tender passion Zach had never felt in his entire life. It opened Zach up, cracked his heart open for Chris, the same way Chris’s fingers were stretching Zach’s body open.
Zach dug his fingers into Chris’ arms, kissed him more deeply, as Chris’ fingers slipped from his body. Chris shifted again, twining Zach’s legs around his waist. There was the sound of a wrapper crinkling and then Chris’ hands were against Zach’s face, cradling it. Their lips brushed and Zach felt Chris’ cock pushing at him. “Let me,” Chris murmured and thrust himself into Zach.
Zach parted his lips. “Please,” he said and Chris let their mouths touch fully, starting a kiss that was sweet and warm, oozing like honey over Zach’s tongue. Zach held on to Chris; his grip tight. Chris continued the slow kiss, canting his hips and driving into Zach. Zach’s body reacted on instinct, matching Chris’ rhythm, rocking in time with it.
“You are so good,” Chris breathed. “We’re so good .”
Zach combed his fingers through Chris’ hair; let his hand reach down, his fingertips smoothing over Chris’ stubble. Chris hands remained on Zach’s face, his thumbs stroking over Zach’s jaw line, over his chin. One hand slid down Zach’s side, over his hip and inward.
Chris let the tempo wax and wane just like the kiss. Soft and sweet then hard and wild. Zach was trembling, skittering close to the edge only to be pulled back. “So. Fucking. Good,” Chris hissed, punctuating each syllable with a roll of his hips.
Zach cried out, arching beneath Chris. “Can’t… Chris…” he breathed.
“It’s okay,” Chris said, his lips against Zach’s cheek. Chris’ fingers surrounded Zach’s cock then, gripping him firmly. Zach let out a sobbing moan as Chris began tugging on his flesh, began squeezing around him.
Chris slammed deep into Zach and they moaned in time, bodies rattling together. Chris’ fist pulled and jerked on Zach, his cock pounding into him until Zach came, his whole body quaking like his spine was a fault line and somewhere beneath his skin tectonic plates were shifting. Chris shivered above him and his thrusts became erratic, violent, as need drove him over the edge. Zach was holding tightly to Chris’ shoulder and felt the other man’s orgasm rack his body before Chris crashed down against him.
Zach had his eyes closed, his hands splayed out against Chris’ back. His heart was beating wildly in his chest and he could feel Chris’ heart pumping just as hard. Zach slid his hand up, fingers playing with the damp hair at the back of Chris’ neck.
Chris lifted up, groaning a little. His brow was furrowed, his lips looked red, bruised from their kisses. Zach reached out, touched his thumb to Chris’ lower lip. “Still worried we made a terrible mistake?” Chris asked, his voice hoarse.
Zach shook his head. “If it was a mistake-I could never call it terrible. Best mistake of my life, maybe.”
“I was hoping you’d say it wasn’t a mistake at all but-I guess I can settle,” Chris said, kissing the pad of Zach’s thumb.
“Ask me again in a year,” Zach said.
Chris smiled, laughing softly and shaking his head. “I will. Bet on it.”
Zach smiled too, reaching out and pulling Chris in for another kiss.
ii. New York City. April 24 2010
“You’re going to wear that stupid hat?” Zach said, as he pulled his own hat over his head.
Chris flipped Zach off. “I like this hat,” Chris said.
“That hat is an eyesore,” Zach said. “You’re not just wearing a white t-shirt, are you?”
“No, I was planning on wearing pants, don’t worry,” Chris said, shimmying into his blue jeans, buttoning them up.
Zach shook his head and went into his closet. He pulled a grey and black striped cardigan out and then walked over to Chris. “Give me your arms,” he said.
“That’s a new one. Usually it’s give me your cock. Or more exactly, ‘oh, God, Chris, give me your huge cock, yeah, fuck me with it, so good’,” Chris said, his voice all mocking and breathless.
“You’re a vulgar, vulgar man,” Zach said, sliding the sweater on to Chris and buttoning the same two buttons he’d done up on his own cardigan. Zach took a step back and nodded. “Better.”
Chris laughed, pulled his jacket on over the cardigan. “What’s the name of the movie we’re going to?”
Zach could barely contain his smirk. “Monogamy.”
“How apropos,” Chris said. He stepped up to Zach, rested a hand on his hip. “So, still worried?”
Zach wrinkled up his nose, looked at Chris like he’d grown a second head. There was something in Chris’ smile, though. Something glimmering in his too blue eyes. And then Zach remembered. He shook his head, pressed their torsos together and kissed Chris soft and sweet, letting it linger. “Nothing about us could ever be a mistake.”
“Mmmm… glad you finally agree,” Chris said, caressing Zach’s cheek.
“Except maybe this hat,” Zach said, snatching it off of Chris’ head.
“Hey, give that back,” Chris said.
Zach chuckled and pushed the hat back on top of Chris’ head. “Ready to practice some monogamy?” Zach said.
Chris nodded. “Absolutely,” he said, opening the door and stepping outside.
Zach followed, locking up behind him. He reached out and grabbed Chris’ hand, pulling him back, their bodies smashing together. “I love you. I just-I love you.”
Chris smiled. “I know.”
Zach shook his head. “Cocky son of a bitch,” he said, waving to flag down a taxi.
“I love you, too, Zach.”
Zach kissed Chris, right there on the streets of New York City, for the whole world to see and then smiled against Chris’ lips before they separated. “I know,” he said, a smile still curling his mouth as a taxi pulled up.
~fin