Normal McDonald
I think I have a new phobia. I don't mean new to me, I mean new to the world. Can I name it if I discovered it?
Anyway, it's the fear of sounding insincere on the internet especially when you're being nice.
Plus whenever I want to be serious I have to make a joke along with the serious because I'm afraid of being serious which is probably already an established phobia.
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A big part of being alone every second of the day is the inner dialogue. In cases of severe isolation (such as my own) the inner dialogue will either destroy you or, if you learn to use it to your advantage, will help you "pass" as a Normal.
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Been thinking about killing off my internet persona and starting over anew. But having issues. Oddly, I appear to be as attached to it as I am to my physical self. Which is to say, not-so-much. But death scares me. The difference with killing your cyberself is you have to continue living. Eternal life? HOW ABOUT NO?
And knowing me I'd just repeat all my patterns and become me again.
I could make a fake persona so unlike me I'd be forced to become a totally different person. But, I'd miss my friends.
My name would be Normal McDonald.
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This morning, much like mornings prior to this morning I was awakened by the overwhelming need to vomit from the (night? morning?) terror. I have moments of euphoria, but most of my time is spent in deep despair and/or unimaginable fear. Literally. After the attacks are over I can't really remember them. They've gotten so bad that I lose consciousness, I sort of "black out".
Did I already talk about how the anxiety I go through robs me of high brain functions and takes away things like language? I become an animal. Sometimes I do remember. That's worse.
Anyway, it's the fear of sounding insincere on the internet especially when you're being nice.
Plus whenever I want to be serious I have to make a joke along with the serious because I'm afraid of being serious which is probably already an established phobia.
---
A big part of being alone every second of the day is the inner dialogue. In cases of severe isolation (such as my own) the inner dialogue will either destroy you or, if you learn to use it to your advantage, will help you "pass" as a Normal.
---
Been thinking about killing off my internet persona and starting over anew. But having issues. Oddly, I appear to be as attached to it as I am to my physical self. Which is to say, not-so-much. But death scares me. The difference with killing your cyberself is you have to continue living. Eternal life? HOW ABOUT NO?
And knowing me I'd just repeat all my patterns and become me again.
I could make a fake persona so unlike me I'd be forced to become a totally different person. But, I'd miss my friends.
My name would be Normal McDonald.
---
This morning, much like mornings prior to this morning I was awakened by the overwhelming need to vomit from the (night? morning?) terror. I have moments of euphoria, but most of my time is spent in deep despair and/or unimaginable fear. Literally. After the attacks are over I can't really remember them. They've gotten so bad that I lose consciousness, I sort of "black out".
Did I already talk about how the anxiety I go through robs me of high brain functions and takes away things like language? I become an animal. Sometimes I do remember. That's worse.