can't sleep.

[jenlee1717]

I drank my chamomile tea that is supposed to calm me and help me fall asleep better, and yet I lay in bed, tossing and turning, with constant thoughts running through my head. I've been thinking about my future a lot lately. I need to figure out what I want to do with my life after college. I know that's not for a while, but it still bugs me. Lately, I have been, very stuck-up like, saying that I am just going to find me a rich husband, and not worry about having a job. The more I think about this the more I want to slap myself for such stupidity. I mean, I do not plan on working after I have my first child, but until then I want to be successful. I can picture myself wearing a dressy suit everyday, going up to my corner office, my secratry giving me my messages, staying in the office all night working on a project...the whole nine yards. But at the very instance that my child takes his/her first breath in this world, my job is going to be to raise him/her. I don't believe in hiring someone to raise your kids. I must have had 20 different baby-sitters growing up, and went through two day care facilities, and hated every second of it. I remember sitting outside with my brother just counting down the minutes until my mom would get off work and come get us. The best feeling in the world was to see her car pull up and her run up to us and hug us. I know my parents had to do what they had to do, but I just don't want to, and wont, do this to my kids. I don't know what made me think of all of this, but it feels good to get it out. Maybe I can sleep now...

P.S. I'm getting a leather journal for christmas, so, sorry, but you're about to be replaced.