(no subject)
I want to save you so bad. I want to go back to the days when we were thirteen and both thought the boy who lived was the coolest thing ever. I want to go back to sleepovers and grammy making us french toast in the morning. I want to go back to poker games at family holidays and you 'winning all the moneys'. I want to go back to before, when you thought alcohol was stupid and so was trying to be like everybody else. I want to go back to before you were three hours away, when I knew you were safe and everything would be ok. I want to go back to before you were out of touch, with everything. But most of all, I want to hop in my car, drive to your apartment/house and hug you. I want to hug you the tightest anyone has ever hugged you in your life. I want to sit with you and tell you everything will be ok, that we can fix this. And I say we because obviously they aren't going to help you. I want to throw your stuff in the car and then drive off to somewhere exotic like mexico or california or maybe an airport so we can go to europe like we wanted. I want to get you help so you can start over and get you as far away from the fucked up parts of our family as humanly possible. Why are they blind, deaf, and dumb. Why can't she do this job, just once, the right way. Why can't she say "to hell with me, I'm going to be a parent" just once. Why is it so difficult. Why do I feel like I have to sit on the sidelines and watch you drown, or waste away until there is nothing left but skin and bones and a liver that can barely function. Why do I feel like it's not my place. But why do I feel deep down that I should tell the to shove it up their ass, and that if they wont help you then I will. Maybe I will, maybe some much needed sleep will give me the guts to get you some help.