Sometimes I don't get along with my parents. Surprise surprise.
Alright, so this probably will probably sound like TEENAGE WANGST BOOHOO but I really don't give a fuck right now.
So, I have issues. Anxiety/attention/emotional issues. One way I deal with it is "alone time". Alone time is a chunk of time where I go into my room, close the door, and am free to sing along to some music/work on a jigsaw puzzle/surf the internet uninterrupted. A day completely without alone time makes me irritable, sad, twitchy, and prone to random crying bouts.
Now, there are certain tasks that provoke this more than others. The worst one is cleaning my room. For some reason, it is a nigh impossible thing for me to do. I honestly cannot focus on it for more than 20 minutes at a time. I also have an OCD-ish fear of dust and insects and old things. My room is pretty damn big, and hasn't really been cleaned and gone through for over seven years. So we're talking about years old accumulation of stuff, much of which is dust-covered and icky. (My allergies don't help either.) My parents want me to really clean it before college starts in two weeks, and have offered to help some. Problem is, me and my mom butt heads over my room more than anything. She tends to get disgusted and angry about the mess while we're cleaning, which really isn't helpful. Things like getting mad about a pair of shoes she bought years ago for me that I barely wore, broken toys, food garbage in the back of the closet. I really don't see the point of getting worked up over something that happened years ago. She also starts going on about how ungrateful and entitled I am, having a room twice the size of her first apartment, how I have so much stuff and don't care about most of it, how much money they've spent on that stuff, how letting me live during college is a favor that I don't understand, etc. But I AM grateful, I know I'm lucky, I know I ought to take better care of my room. But I treat the things actually use well, its just that most of the stuff in here in really old and been outgrown, of course I don't care about it. The point is, cleaning my room is hard enough for me without her being judgmental.
Today she offered to help me in the morning. She said that we would clean for a while, then I would have some alone time, then we would some other things that need to be done for school. Okay, fine. So we cleaned, everything going swimmingly, until my brother freaked out about something and she left to deal with him. I attempted to continue by myself, getting more and more stressed and frustrated until I decided to go update my ipod. Then mom comes back, and is angry about me being on the computer. I tell her that I was having trouble cleaning, and to motivate me, she suggests that we'll order some school stuff during lunch, and after that discuss finances. I ask when alone time will be. Apparently, this was a mistake. She says, "You were just in here alone for over half an hour! What do you need alone time for?" Now, that was DEFINITELY not alone time. I kinda have to know that its supposed to be alone time, otherwise I assume I'll be interrupted or asked to do something. Not to mention how a pile of stuff to be taken out was in the doorway, preventing me from closing the door. You simply cannot have alone time with the door open. I try to explain this, but she just gets angrier, taking my insistence on alone time to mean that I am unwilling to do any cleaning and am ungrateful for her assistance. I tried to tell her that it wasn't the doing of the tasks I objected to, but the proposed schedule and its lack of breaks, but to no avail. She left, saying that she's done helping me, that I can have all the alone time I want, but if sufficient progress isn't made on my room she'll just start throwing things out. (A classic threat that has never motivated me at all, just gotten me upset. And its even harder to clean when I'm upset.) So now my eyes are sticky and swollen and a headache looms. (Yeah, I cried. Crying is my reaction to pretty much any kind of stress. I don't even have to be that upset.) My mom is mad at me, and two weeks of room cleaning and being yelled at unfolds. FML.
So, I have issues. Anxiety/attention/emotional issues. One way I deal with it is "alone time". Alone time is a chunk of time where I go into my room, close the door, and am free to sing along to some music/work on a jigsaw puzzle/surf the internet uninterrupted. A day completely without alone time makes me irritable, sad, twitchy, and prone to random crying bouts.
Now, there are certain tasks that provoke this more than others. The worst one is cleaning my room. For some reason, it is a nigh impossible thing for me to do. I honestly cannot focus on it for more than 20 minutes at a time. I also have an OCD-ish fear of dust and insects and old things. My room is pretty damn big, and hasn't really been cleaned and gone through for over seven years. So we're talking about years old accumulation of stuff, much of which is dust-covered and icky. (My allergies don't help either.) My parents want me to really clean it before college starts in two weeks, and have offered to help some. Problem is, me and my mom butt heads over my room more than anything. She tends to get disgusted and angry about the mess while we're cleaning, which really isn't helpful. Things like getting mad about a pair of shoes she bought years ago for me that I barely wore, broken toys, food garbage in the back of the closet. I really don't see the point of getting worked up over something that happened years ago. She also starts going on about how ungrateful and entitled I am, having a room twice the size of her first apartment, how I have so much stuff and don't care about most of it, how much money they've spent on that stuff, how letting me live during college is a favor that I don't understand, etc. But I AM grateful, I know I'm lucky, I know I ought to take better care of my room. But I treat the things actually use well, its just that most of the stuff in here in really old and been outgrown, of course I don't care about it. The point is, cleaning my room is hard enough for me without her being judgmental.
Today she offered to help me in the morning. She said that we would clean for a while, then I would have some alone time, then we would some other things that need to be done for school. Okay, fine. So we cleaned, everything going swimmingly, until my brother freaked out about something and she left to deal with him. I attempted to continue by myself, getting more and more stressed and frustrated until I decided to go update my ipod. Then mom comes back, and is angry about me being on the computer. I tell her that I was having trouble cleaning, and to motivate me, she suggests that we'll order some school stuff during lunch, and after that discuss finances. I ask when alone time will be. Apparently, this was a mistake. She says, "You were just in here alone for over half an hour! What do you need alone time for?" Now, that was DEFINITELY not alone time. I kinda have to know that its supposed to be alone time, otherwise I assume I'll be interrupted or asked to do something. Not to mention how a pile of stuff to be taken out was in the doorway, preventing me from closing the door. You simply cannot have alone time with the door open. I try to explain this, but she just gets angrier, taking my insistence on alone time to mean that I am unwilling to do any cleaning and am ungrateful for her assistance. I tried to tell her that it wasn't the doing of the tasks I objected to, but the proposed schedule and its lack of breaks, but to no avail. She left, saying that she's done helping me, that I can have all the alone time I want, but if sufficient progress isn't made on my room she'll just start throwing things out. (A classic threat that has never motivated me at all, just gotten me upset. And its even harder to clean when I'm upset.) So now my eyes are sticky and swollen and a headache looms. (Yeah, I cried. Crying is my reaction to pretty much any kind of stress. I don't even have to be that upset.) My mom is mad at me, and two weeks of room cleaning and being yelled at unfolds. FML.