goodbye grand rapids

[jeniriffic]

they say that every situation
is a good situation
if you learned something

with a sitation shift hovering before me
i've taken some time
to think through
what this town has taught me

this town taught me a whole lot
about love
loving my family
loving my friends
loving people i shouldn't have been loving
and a whole lot
about loving myself

i learned the benefit
of having family
just an arm's length away
close enough to call for dinner
or to come over for tea

i learned the detriment
of a life
of social isolation
what it's like
when the phone never rings
and what it's like to break that ice
and have friends to love again

i learned the desolation
of unhealthy relationships
learned how
having someone around
will not necessarily
make you feel
less lonely

and i learned, again,
that if it's gonna get done
i'm probly gonna hafta do it
myself
and that no one
will ever know
how to take care of me
how to love me
as well
as i do

this town taught me
a whole lot
about lies
about illusions that i've lived
and about how much harder it is
to forgive yourself this tresspass
than anything else
ever

i rolled into this town
with the image
of long days of working
and long nights of laughter
feeding me for a few months
till the waether got warm
and i could move on
after i arrived
and those illusions died
i replaced them
with ones of having found someone
with whom i could
be
finally someone quirky enough
for me

oh the things i believed
and the time that i spent
trying to unwind
and rewind
the thread of reality

and i learned, again,
that of anyone who is gonna hurt me
the worst
is when
it's me, myself
and that no one
will ever be able
to tell me lies
as well
as i do

this twon taught me
a whole lot
about strength
about stability
about letting things just be
rather than trying to make them
how they 'should be'

i learned about making do
with what you got
learned about being broke
and being broken
and about getting up
and cleaning up
and going out again
each time
with a little more determination in my step

i learned that
it really is the little things
like a job that you like
or one smile
from one person
that will work wonders
to set things right again

i learned to take it where you find it
and use it while you can
but don't expect it to be around for very long

i learned that little rivers
of laughter
can make you forget
about seas
of tears

and i learned, again,
that if i'm gonna stand strong
i'm gonna hafta hold myself up
cuz no one
will ever know
how to support me
as well
as i do

and, i think most importantly,
this town taught me
a whole lot
about transcendence
about rising up
and rooting down
at the same time
i found myself
existing
close to the ground
my heart fire low
and so many times
i was reminded
to be light, to breathe
but in this
alone
i could not succeed
but lucky for me
i also found myself
in the presence
of a few souls
who would float around me
carrying stacks of plates
or leaving me love notes
and mint leaves
or talking to me
in english
tinted with lebanese
those souls
who helped ease
whatever weight i was carrying

and i learned, again,
that if it's gonna get done
i won't necessarliy
be able to do it all
by myself
and that sometimes
others do know
how to lighten the load
much better
than i do

this town has taught me
so many things
reminded me
of so many things
that are necessary
to feel confident
in packing up
all these lessons
and allowing them
to carry me
to the next stop
along the way