(no subject)
So lately I've been thinking a lot about a Ph D.
Let's see:
1. I like school, even though I complain like every one else.
2. I love doing research.
3. I like writing research papers.
4. Umm they pay for me, hello?
5. I really dislike consulting.
The major drawback would be that I'd be in school for a really long time which makes me feel like I'm putting off my life. I have too many loans to pay back and (as wussy as I'm about to sound here) I have turned into the "I want to stay at home with my kids" girl just like my mom did. I don't want to spend too much time on a doctorate and then only work for a year or 2 before settling down (assuming that even happens). The upside is that if I don't, at least I'll be doing something I like.
I don't like that I have to make important life decisions. But hey, I guess that would mean like, half of FUGA would be going on to PhD's right? That has to be some sort of record for a football seating group.
I think I'll wait to see how I like the masters program and do some more research. Barr is a great company, but I'm just not a fan of consulting. I like math, not brown-nosing clients and trying to explain why what they are demanding is impossible (even thought I'm apparently ok at it...the client we're working for at the moment has started calling me instead of the project manager to get info). Basically...I love the college atmosphere. Not the parties/drinking/etc (you know how i'm trying to cut back on all my partying...ummm?)....but I love being around so many brilliant people who are making new discoveries everyday. Maybe I could do that?
Or maybe I'm freaking out b/c I don't like my job. Either way, this summer has been kind of a bust. I haven't had the chance to explore because I've been working 60 hour weeks and some weekends and I'm lonelier than I have been in a while. I always thought in high school that after I finished college I would go to some cool city and start my life up again with no strings and no regrets. But here I am now. Missing my family, missing my friends, and making decisions based on some future that was never something I thought I wanted. I've completely turned into my mother. Freakishly so. I want to go to little league games and make chicken dinners and basically be my mom. I should have seen this coming...she even told me she thought I would turn into her. I feel like the person I was in high school is completely alien to me.
I'm afraid I'm going to make the wrong decisions. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid I won't be good at whatever it is I decide to do. As lame as it sounds...I'm so glad I did RCIA last year. Otherwise, I'd probably be a mess right now. At least I feel like I'll have that no matter what happens.
Ok, I need to go catch my flight to Petosky in like 15 mins. I hope you all are having awesome summers, and email or call whenever you want :)
Let's see:
1. I like school, even though I complain like every one else.
2. I love doing research.
3. I like writing research papers.
4. Umm they pay for me, hello?
5. I really dislike consulting.
The major drawback would be that I'd be in school for a really long time which makes me feel like I'm putting off my life. I have too many loans to pay back and (as wussy as I'm about to sound here) I have turned into the "I want to stay at home with my kids" girl just like my mom did. I don't want to spend too much time on a doctorate and then only work for a year or 2 before settling down (assuming that even happens). The upside is that if I don't, at least I'll be doing something I like.
I don't like that I have to make important life decisions. But hey, I guess that would mean like, half of FUGA would be going on to PhD's right? That has to be some sort of record for a football seating group.
I think I'll wait to see how I like the masters program and do some more research. Barr is a great company, but I'm just not a fan of consulting. I like math, not brown-nosing clients and trying to explain why what they are demanding is impossible (even thought I'm apparently ok at it...the client we're working for at the moment has started calling me instead of the project manager to get info). Basically...I love the college atmosphere. Not the parties/drinking/etc (you know how i'm trying to cut back on all my partying...ummm?)....but I love being around so many brilliant people who are making new discoveries everyday. Maybe I could do that?
Or maybe I'm freaking out b/c I don't like my job. Either way, this summer has been kind of a bust. I haven't had the chance to explore because I've been working 60 hour weeks and some weekends and I'm lonelier than I have been in a while. I always thought in high school that after I finished college I would go to some cool city and start my life up again with no strings and no regrets. But here I am now. Missing my family, missing my friends, and making decisions based on some future that was never something I thought I wanted. I've completely turned into my mother. Freakishly so. I want to go to little league games and make chicken dinners and basically be my mom. I should have seen this coming...she even told me she thought I would turn into her. I feel like the person I was in high school is completely alien to me.
I'm afraid I'm going to make the wrong decisions. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid I won't be good at whatever it is I decide to do. As lame as it sounds...I'm so glad I did RCIA last year. Otherwise, I'd probably be a mess right now. At least I feel like I'll have that no matter what happens.
Ok, I need to go catch my flight to Petosky in like 15 mins. I hope you all are having awesome summers, and email or call whenever you want :)