Of Salvation and Perdition

[jenineji]

This was written for the Ink Smudge Forum - The 100 Words Challenge.
This story and characters belong to me.
Please, do not use.

Hard-worker Vinia unknowingly accepts a no-man to her bed out of loneliness, and despair, but before she could even phantom what all this entailed she ends up with his child.

Of Salvation and Perdition

Chapter 1

Comments

100 Words - Your Review for Prompt One: Belaud and Selflessness

[aubrey_simone]

Well, for you to have been under time constraints, I think this came out really well. I found it very interesting, especially about the no-man - what, exactly, is he, and why does he decide to stay with Vinia? Of course, it's good that these questions came to mind while I read - it just means that I'll continue to read just to find out the answers.

I really enjoyed the depth you managed to create for Vinia's character - the worry for her daughter, the anger and the hurt at Ahrida's actions. So far, she's a believable character - if you give her a little bit more of a voice for the next chapter (show more, instead of telling), then she'll be well on her way to being a strong female character.

As for the prompt usage, I really liked the way you used the word, although the theme was a little bit vague - almost just a mention of selflessness and no real display of it. Still, you did good, considering that you only had a day to write this; mine probably would've been worse lol.

Overall, this was a good read. The flow was a tad bit choppy in some places, and every now and then I felt as though you were repeating something you'd already said, but due to the nature of the contest, I'm not going to judge too harshly for that.

Good job! Your points are below, and I look forward to seeing what you do with the today's prompt!

:)

Points:
25 for participation
20 for flow
20 for quality
25 for characterization
+10 for creativity

For a total of 100 points. Good job!

~Aubrey