I'm the moodiest person I know
I've been feeling down lately. Down enough to the point where if I still feel this down by this time next week, I'm going to start researching therapist options.
I don't like where my life is. And I can't figure out what will make me happy. Well, happy in a plausible sense. What would make me happy is to find a guy. I know that's retarded and I should be happy with myself and blah blah fuckity blah. That sounds so stupid and pathetic that it actually makes me feel worse.
I was told today, for the 2nd time in a week, from a different person, this: "Jenni, I wish I knew someone worthy enough to date you." Oh yeah, me too. Best compliment ever... worst thing you could've said to me.
I was thinking about the type of guy I want to be with and thinking about why they don't seem interested in me. I mean, I'm pretty, smart, and amused easily. But I'm also extremely emotional, lacking in ambition, and have a tendency to shove my foot in my mouth often.
I'm just like every other generic American, I want to move up in the world. But my idea of moving up in the world isn't climbing the corporate ladder or getting a job that makes me paint my face or wear dress slacks with heels everyday. Or driving a really nice car. Or living in a big house. No. It's making my own family. With a man who has the above said idea of moving up in the world. Granted I don't want a family now or next year, or even within 5 years from now. I just want to feel like I'm stepping up to that at least.
I'm beginning to wonder with this day and age, if old fashioned dreams like mine are still able to happen. If the guys I'm attracted to would be attracted to a woman who wants to take care of them while they financially take care of her. And I'm wondering if I should give up on that and think about what else I could do with my life that would make me happy. I can't think of a damn thing.
I don't want to date anymore. Dating for the sake of dating is not fun. I don't want to date anyone that doesn't have lasting potential. I don't want anyone I date to just date me for the sake of dating. I don't want to feel used anymore. I don't want to be a rebound, I don't want to be a piece of ass, I don't want to be a time killer. I DON'T WANT IT!! I want to be potential. I want to be romanced. I want to feel desired. I deserve all of this, but apparently there's no known man worthy enough to give me this.
I'm depressed because I currently can't see my life turning out like I want it too. Granted things might change in a year, a month, or even tomorrow. But is it tomorrow? No, no it's not.
I don't like where my life is. And I can't figure out what will make me happy. Well, happy in a plausible sense. What would make me happy is to find a guy. I know that's retarded and I should be happy with myself and blah blah fuckity blah. That sounds so stupid and pathetic that it actually makes me feel worse.
I was told today, for the 2nd time in a week, from a different person, this: "Jenni, I wish I knew someone worthy enough to date you." Oh yeah, me too. Best compliment ever... worst thing you could've said to me.
I was thinking about the type of guy I want to be with and thinking about why they don't seem interested in me. I mean, I'm pretty, smart, and amused easily. But I'm also extremely emotional, lacking in ambition, and have a tendency to shove my foot in my mouth often.
I'm just like every other generic American, I want to move up in the world. But my idea of moving up in the world isn't climbing the corporate ladder or getting a job that makes me paint my face or wear dress slacks with heels everyday. Or driving a really nice car. Or living in a big house. No. It's making my own family. With a man who has the above said idea of moving up in the world. Granted I don't want a family now or next year, or even within 5 years from now. I just want to feel like I'm stepping up to that at least.
I'm beginning to wonder with this day and age, if old fashioned dreams like mine are still able to happen. If the guys I'm attracted to would be attracted to a woman who wants to take care of them while they financially take care of her. And I'm wondering if I should give up on that and think about what else I could do with my life that would make me happy. I can't think of a damn thing.
I don't want to date anymore. Dating for the sake of dating is not fun. I don't want to date anyone that doesn't have lasting potential. I don't want anyone I date to just date me for the sake of dating. I don't want to feel used anymore. I don't want to be a rebound, I don't want to be a piece of ass, I don't want to be a time killer. I DON'T WANT IT!! I want to be potential. I want to be romanced. I want to feel desired. I deserve all of this, but apparently there's no known man worthy enough to give me this.
I'm depressed because I currently can't see my life turning out like I want it too. Granted things might change in a year, a month, or even tomorrow. But is it tomorrow? No, no it's not.