yes im actually up dating
well... its winter... i hate winter...
everything is dead its all depressing, but im trying hard to do other things to keep my spirits up
so far i've been pretty successful...
finals next week... god i hope they dont kick my ass
we have this.. mini quiz tomarrow in enviromental... i dont know what thats about...
I've been so fucked up latley... not like.. unhappy or like... i dont know... i just havn't been my self.. i hide behind these masks of uncertainty... i'm so indecisive.. i dont know
i have all my christmas shopping done.. and it is starting to bug the hell outta me
someone tell me they want something so that i have to find it ... god humor me...
i spent way to much on shit for christmas... i cant help but get greedy about it just because i honestly never get anything for my self... i hate being 17 and having bills to pay.. i hate responsiblity.. i hate growing up..
i've thought about it before and just curled up in a ball and cried... in 4 years im going to be starting a new life.. looking for a suitable match to be a husband ... looking for the right person to start a family.. having my own house my own bills ... having to buy my own toilet paper... i just dont know how to handle all of this ... thank god i dont have to right now...
... i need to be more ambitious.. i need to send my applications out.. like RIGHT NOW i have my whole ku application filled out but i have to type out my personal statement... i'd love to go there... for so many reasons than i had before.. i want to escape this area... the close mindedness of it all.. start over.. no premade opinions of me... its like a HUGE eraser.. i am who ever i want to be...
I think im going to start journaling more..
i've realized i really do love life
i love meeting new people... or getting to know people better... i'm not saying i've made new friends but i've talked to a lot more people latley... its just like awesome.. its stuff like that that makes me wanna stay here... but this place is like a death trap...
I think when im older i'd like to write a book... but like when im 40 so i can still enjoy the royalties... about my life... i love reading books about actual people.. it makes u connect with the person.. liek u know them... u can relate.. it makes u feel less alone...
this is all for now..
... maybe more to come later...
everything is dead its all depressing, but im trying hard to do other things to keep my spirits up
so far i've been pretty successful...
finals next week... god i hope they dont kick my ass
we have this.. mini quiz tomarrow in enviromental... i dont know what thats about...
I've been so fucked up latley... not like.. unhappy or like... i dont know... i just havn't been my self.. i hide behind these masks of uncertainty... i'm so indecisive.. i dont know
i have all my christmas shopping done.. and it is starting to bug the hell outta me
someone tell me they want something so that i have to find it ... god humor me...
i spent way to much on shit for christmas... i cant help but get greedy about it just because i honestly never get anything for my self... i hate being 17 and having bills to pay.. i hate responsiblity.. i hate growing up..
i've thought about it before and just curled up in a ball and cried... in 4 years im going to be starting a new life.. looking for a suitable match to be a husband ... looking for the right person to start a family.. having my own house my own bills ... having to buy my own toilet paper... i just dont know how to handle all of this ... thank god i dont have to right now...
... i need to be more ambitious.. i need to send my applications out.. like RIGHT NOW i have my whole ku application filled out but i have to type out my personal statement... i'd love to go there... for so many reasons than i had before.. i want to escape this area... the close mindedness of it all.. start over.. no premade opinions of me... its like a HUGE eraser.. i am who ever i want to be...
I think im going to start journaling more..
i've realized i really do love life
i love meeting new people... or getting to know people better... i'm not saying i've made new friends but i've talked to a lot more people latley... its just like awesome.. its stuff like that that makes me wanna stay here... but this place is like a death trap...
I think when im older i'd like to write a book... but like when im 40 so i can still enjoy the royalties... about my life... i love reading books about actual people.. it makes u connect with the person.. liek u know them... u can relate.. it makes u feel less alone...
this is all for now..
... maybe more to come later...