(no subject)

[jenfer]

I've been having a really hard time lately trying to keep my cool and play along with the words I'm suppose to feel and the ones I am truly consumed with. The world that I have lived by inside my head I am quickly learning is no where near the one I truly live in. However, I like mine better. I have been so anxious, angry, confused, overwhelmed and loved lately and I don't really know how to deal with it all. I'm not saying I'm depressed, quite the opposite really. I just feel so non-existent. It is like I am just slowly floating by and that is the last thing I want. I just don't seem to have it in me to be proactive about anything small lately, but I know it isn't the right time for anything big just yet. I have a lot of growing up to do and that is an exciting adventure, I just feel like it is so forced. I don't want to think about tomorrow or look back on yesterday, I just want to live today. However, it seems to be much more difficult than I had ever imagined.

So tonight I make a promise to myself. To forget about what everyone else wants, thinks, or even feels and focus on each moment and joy what life is presenting me with. Because I am loosing myself living for others and if it goes on for much longer I will be non-existent and life is beautiful. I shouldn't be floating by, I should be gallivanting around.

Here is to the end of one chapter and the beginning of the next.

love.