right. . .
so enough about you lets talk about me. . . .or not :(
I'm really getting tired of my so-called "role" with my friends. I'm not even a good listener - i fall into the classic "i understand how you feel - see listen to what happened to me" pitfall all the time. Yet why does everyone come to me? Why do I have to drop everything (willingly, but still) to listen to everyone else, but noone will do that for me? And why do I feel that livejournal is a good place to vent? Because I do - you people better not be skimming. . .
So I've had a craptastic week/two weeks smattered with a few fantastic things to save me from killing myself. Some of them are intertwined so bear with me.
I guess the biggest thing is housing/anne and the big blowout that resulted. The whole housing debaucle has been going on for about a month and im sure ive probably updated a little - i cant remember. Well regardless sara ali and i were origionally going to live with anne in an apartment. We had talked it out a little but not any more then we thought was necessary. Sara had flat out asked her if she wanted to live with us and she said yes. But in our suite meeting (with katie, becky, and melissa) she came out of nowhere and said she wanted to live with them. Fine whatever there are three person apartments too, it just kinda surprised us and that last thing you want in a meeting thats already stressful and awkward enough is a surprise. So fine we were okay with that. . .
. . .but then we got our housing lottery numbers. Our best number was 357 - which in a school this small is a terrible number. We were holding out hope but it didnt look good (and with sara and ali burning bridges all over the place it could have been fatal). So we didnt get it through the stupidness of housing and we were all pretty bummed. But meanwhile whats going on with the sophomores is that theyre trying to live in a suite and failing miserably. they only have this loser girl and noone else. And annes making everything worse because shes being so god damn wishy-washy (yeah thats right, you heard me). She then decided that she didnt want to live with katie and becky and that she and melissa were just going to go off and live with other people. And then she told them all that she was just going to live with us again in a 4 person apt. So she pretty much just made it easy to align everyone against her. And man were we all pissed.
So its the day before the lottery (theirs this time) and needless to say a desision had to be made. We had a couple options. Sara ali katie becky and I kind of wanted a 5 person suite but none of us wanted to ditch melissa or anne (or their friend melody either. Sara Ali and I wanted a townhouse, but katie and becky didnt want to live in a townhouse. Katie and Becky wanted to live in a 7 person just like this year, but sara and the rest of us didnt really want to do that. We thought a good compromise would be to live in the 8 person downstairs (which is huge!) but katie and becky "wanted neighbors." And let me tell you noone was compromising for shit. Which got kinda complicated.
So anyways we're in this knock-down dragout meeting. . .without anne. Everytime it seems that we want to talk about housing she leaves. I mean what did she think that the night before housing we wouldnt talk about it??? I guess mark's house was too inviting (gag). So we're discussing it without her and noone was compromising and it got kinda ugly in several points. So we figured if we mathematically unweight it we could take a vote. So number one choices got a one and number four choices got a four and the lowest score wins. Well the 5-person won, by a lot. It sucked to be melissa because she knew she lost because everyone was tired of anne, but a votes a vote.
So then we had to deal with anne and mark. Mark kept on sticking his big fat fuckin nose into everything and everyone just wanted to say "YOU DONT LIVE HERE", but he was worried about anne. I cant say i blame him but I have a much larger understanding of him then the others do. So they were offended when he was making excuses for anne and the fact that he insulted me and becky via im was not going over well either. So finally she called and we explained what the consensus was and of course she was upset. She asked why and I told her that it might be easier if she could come over. You know what she said? "I have to do this paper, but i guess i could make it up there" This is fucking housing - this is where youre going to live next year - all year. You can do your paper here, why wouldnt you want to be around? So needless to say we didnt feel too bad screwing her.
So she gets here and we start to talk about it. She wants to know why and we go into the vote. She doesnt understand. We go into our other complaints. The issue of how she seems not to care about any of our friendships and is willing to bail on any of us if it came down to it. We go into the mark-anne-jen issue (which i guess everyone hates - well how do they think that i feel?!?) They dont like the drama - she doesnt have anything to say about that except "well we might not have to worry about that for much longer" Yeah, ive heard that empty promise before. Someone (besides me) finally brought up the fact that its like shes a different person and we wish that we could get old anne back. It was just alot of sitting in silence mixed with me becky and sara trying to get an actual conversation going. She didnt say much so one by one everyone left except melissa her and myself. I felt like it seemed that the only reason that she wasnt living with us is because we cant get over the whole shes dating mark thing. I figured shed have a little to say about that - but still no dice.
So I left and I had to talk to ali. Partly because I wanted to check to see that i didnt go too far and partly because i needed someone to complain about mark to. I'm really upset with him but the fact of the matter is that its gotten so bad that it doesnt even matter. I had talked to him on monday and asked him if he wanted to go to dennys. He didnt have to work and he didnt have any homework so i didnt feel bad asking that of him (and i said that id pay!). You know what he said to me - "I have to call anne and make sure that its okay" Yeah, whipah! And he wound up not coming! I dont think that i ask that much of him - and actually as of recent, that would be a big fat nothing. I was so mad.
Its not that housing itself isnt enough to ask him. Its not as though me and sara being a little off and needing his advice wasnt enough to ask him. Its not as though my dad loosing his job again isnt enough to warrant me asking my best friend out to dinner to talk about it. Its not as though me doing crappy in school (not all school,just a little) isnt enough to see if hed like to go to fucking dinner for an hour or so. "I need to call anne" my ass. What the fuck (anger face). And as usual mark disagreements go, everything is right back to normal. I hate that.
I have to go to dinner - but dont think that i dont have more bitching to do. I suck at life!
I'm really getting tired of my so-called "role" with my friends. I'm not even a good listener - i fall into the classic "i understand how you feel - see listen to what happened to me" pitfall all the time. Yet why does everyone come to me? Why do I have to drop everything (willingly, but still) to listen to everyone else, but noone will do that for me? And why do I feel that livejournal is a good place to vent? Because I do - you people better not be skimming. . .
So I've had a craptastic week/two weeks smattered with a few fantastic things to save me from killing myself. Some of them are intertwined so bear with me.
I guess the biggest thing is housing/anne and the big blowout that resulted. The whole housing debaucle has been going on for about a month and im sure ive probably updated a little - i cant remember. Well regardless sara ali and i were origionally going to live with anne in an apartment. We had talked it out a little but not any more then we thought was necessary. Sara had flat out asked her if she wanted to live with us and she said yes. But in our suite meeting (with katie, becky, and melissa) she came out of nowhere and said she wanted to live with them. Fine whatever there are three person apartments too, it just kinda surprised us and that last thing you want in a meeting thats already stressful and awkward enough is a surprise. So fine we were okay with that. . .
. . .but then we got our housing lottery numbers. Our best number was 357 - which in a school this small is a terrible number. We were holding out hope but it didnt look good (and with sara and ali burning bridges all over the place it could have been fatal). So we didnt get it through the stupidness of housing and we were all pretty bummed. But meanwhile whats going on with the sophomores is that theyre trying to live in a suite and failing miserably. they only have this loser girl and noone else. And annes making everything worse because shes being so god damn wishy-washy (yeah thats right, you heard me). She then decided that she didnt want to live with katie and becky and that she and melissa were just going to go off and live with other people. And then she told them all that she was just going to live with us again in a 4 person apt. So she pretty much just made it easy to align everyone against her. And man were we all pissed.
So its the day before the lottery (theirs this time) and needless to say a desision had to be made. We had a couple options. Sara ali katie becky and I kind of wanted a 5 person suite but none of us wanted to ditch melissa or anne (or their friend melody either. Sara Ali and I wanted a townhouse, but katie and becky didnt want to live in a townhouse. Katie and Becky wanted to live in a 7 person just like this year, but sara and the rest of us didnt really want to do that. We thought a good compromise would be to live in the 8 person downstairs (which is huge!) but katie and becky "wanted neighbors." And let me tell you noone was compromising for shit. Which got kinda complicated.
So anyways we're in this knock-down dragout meeting. . .without anne. Everytime it seems that we want to talk about housing she leaves. I mean what did she think that the night before housing we wouldnt talk about it??? I guess mark's house was too inviting (gag). So we're discussing it without her and noone was compromising and it got kinda ugly in several points. So we figured if we mathematically unweight it we could take a vote. So number one choices got a one and number four choices got a four and the lowest score wins. Well the 5-person won, by a lot. It sucked to be melissa because she knew she lost because everyone was tired of anne, but a votes a vote.
So then we had to deal with anne and mark. Mark kept on sticking his big fat fuckin nose into everything and everyone just wanted to say "YOU DONT LIVE HERE", but he was worried about anne. I cant say i blame him but I have a much larger understanding of him then the others do. So they were offended when he was making excuses for anne and the fact that he insulted me and becky via im was not going over well either. So finally she called and we explained what the consensus was and of course she was upset. She asked why and I told her that it might be easier if she could come over. You know what she said? "I have to do this paper, but i guess i could make it up there" This is fucking housing - this is where youre going to live next year - all year. You can do your paper here, why wouldnt you want to be around? So needless to say we didnt feel too bad screwing her.
So she gets here and we start to talk about it. She wants to know why and we go into the vote. She doesnt understand. We go into our other complaints. The issue of how she seems not to care about any of our friendships and is willing to bail on any of us if it came down to it. We go into the mark-anne-jen issue (which i guess everyone hates - well how do they think that i feel?!?) They dont like the drama - she doesnt have anything to say about that except "well we might not have to worry about that for much longer" Yeah, ive heard that empty promise before. Someone (besides me) finally brought up the fact that its like shes a different person and we wish that we could get old anne back. It was just alot of sitting in silence mixed with me becky and sara trying to get an actual conversation going. She didnt say much so one by one everyone left except melissa her and myself. I felt like it seemed that the only reason that she wasnt living with us is because we cant get over the whole shes dating mark thing. I figured shed have a little to say about that - but still no dice.
So I left and I had to talk to ali. Partly because I wanted to check to see that i didnt go too far and partly because i needed someone to complain about mark to. I'm really upset with him but the fact of the matter is that its gotten so bad that it doesnt even matter. I had talked to him on monday and asked him if he wanted to go to dennys. He didnt have to work and he didnt have any homework so i didnt feel bad asking that of him (and i said that id pay!). You know what he said to me - "I have to call anne and make sure that its okay" Yeah, whipah! And he wound up not coming! I dont think that i ask that much of him - and actually as of recent, that would be a big fat nothing. I was so mad.
Its not that housing itself isnt enough to ask him. Its not as though me and sara being a little off and needing his advice wasnt enough to ask him. Its not as though my dad loosing his job again isnt enough to warrant me asking my best friend out to dinner to talk about it. Its not as though me doing crappy in school (not all school,just a little) isnt enough to see if hed like to go to fucking dinner for an hour or so. "I need to call anne" my ass. What the fuck (anger face). And as usual mark disagreements go, everything is right back to normal. I hate that.
I have to go to dinner - but dont think that i dont have more bitching to do. I suck at life!