Fanfic: The Rule 3/?
Title: The Rule 3/?
Author/Artist: jencatd
Character(s) or Pairing(s): Australia, England, New Zealand
Rating: PG
Warnings: Swearing.
Summary: Finally the trio were on their way to the test match, but Australia had to know one thing: Could England be a convincing woman?
From the Beginning: Part 1
“Just one more thing, Artie.” Australia said. “How good are you at sounding like a woman?”
Australia watched England’s reaction through the rear-view mirror. New Zealand and England were sitting in the backseat of the car, and New Zealand had conveniently put England in the seat behind Australia.
“I beg your pardon?!” England said. “All I had to do was dress like this! No one said anything about having to sound like a woman!”
"You're dressed as a woman, so surely you'll have to pretend to be a woman too!" Australia said.
"No, I won't." England said. "Men wear costumes to sporting events all the time, and there's no problems with it."
"Yeah, but they don't normally rock up looking as girly as you do right now!" Australia said and England glared at the back of his head.
"I am not a woman!" England folded his arms and gave a small irritated sigh as he stared out the window of the car. Australia couldn't help but let a small chuckle escape when he saw what England was doing. "Fine. If I have to pretend to be a woman for this ridiculous game, I will! And what are you laughing at?"
"Nothing." Australia coughed to try to cover up his amusement but the smile on his face made that pointless. If England was this annoyed before they even got to the Oval the punishment was working even better than he expected! Sure, New Zealand had had a few misgivings about being the Prince to England’s Princess, but Australia was sure it’d all work out fine. The consequences of the rule always worked out well in the past, so surely this little twist would work out too.
"Good." England said. He was starting to sound less annoyed so perhaps it was time to irritate him just a little more. Besides, they had to know if England could be a convincing woman!
“Right then, let’s hear your womanly voice Artie!” Australia said. “We’ll have to work out a name for you too. Artie is not a woman’s name.”
“Like this?” England tried to alter the pitch of his voice so it’d be a little higher, and New Zealand shook his head.
“No good.” New Zealand said. “You still sound too manly.”
Australia kept his eyes mostly on the road and listened as England tried to sound more feminine. The more New Zealand said his attempts were no good, the more frustrated England got, and the more difficult it was for Australia to keep a straight face. Eventually England had had enough.
“I’ve had it!” England folded his arms and glared at New Zealand. “I’ve been trying for ages and still can’t get it right! William, if you think you can do better I’d like to hear it.”
“All right.” New Zealand said. “What do you think of this?”
Australia glanced at England through the rear-view mirror with a grin on his face. New Zealand had made his voice softer and altered the pitch of it enough to make it sound a bit more feminine. He hadn’t used that voice around England before, and Australia was keen to see England’s reaction to it.
“How did you do that?” England said.
“Practice.” New Zealand said as Australia tried to stifle yet another laugh. “Lots of practice you don’t have time for, but there is another option.”
“What kind of option?” England sounded a little nervous for some reason.
“All three of us speak and understand sign language.” New Zealand said. “You could play mute when we’re out in public.”
“Yeah!” Australia said. “Then we don’t have to listen to you whinge if your team loses!”
England immediately signed “Fuck You!” at the back of Australia’s seat and both New Zealand and Australia cracked up laughing which only seemed to make England more angry.
“Love you too, Mum!” Australia said. He kept his attention on the road after that and left dealing with a riled-up England to New Zealand. He felt kind of bad about upsetting England that much, but not really since England's reactions were so much fun to watch. England was good and annoyed now, and also quiet! The quiet part was an unexpected bonus. He glanced in the rear-view mirror again, and saw England signing at New Zealand at a pace Australia couldn’t keep up with.
“Hey Arthur, slow down a little!” New Zealand said. Clearly he couldn’t keep up either. “What do you want your human name to be while we’re out in public?”
“Alice.” England said and then continued with the rapid fire sign language again. Australia was suddenly very glad he was driving. It meant New Zealand had to deal with that visual barrage from England rather than him and it mostly looked like swearing from what he could catch in glimpses through the rear-view mirror. Better New Zealand than him. He could normally handle an angry England, but he wasn’t sure he had the patience to deal with a silent (voluntary or not), angry England. Finally the Oval was coming into view. Time to get this show on the road good and proper.
“Good morning your highnesses, this is your chauffeur speaking. Don’t ever call me that or expect me to call myself that ever again. We are now arriving at the Oval so if everyone could keep their hands to themselves and be on their best behaviour that would be much appreciated.” Australia said as he parked the car, and then turned around in his seat so he could see England and New Zealand. “Alice, I know this is going to be a rough day for you but at least you’ve got Will to help you out. Try not to abuse him when we’re watching the game.”
England made a little huffy noise but said nothing. He was catching on fast and was also being a better sport about it all than Australia expected. To be honest he’d expected a little more complaining from England and for him to protest more over New Zealand’s idea to get around the voice thing on the way here. Under normal circumstances England probably would’ve let fly with some kind of angry outburst, but he was remembering to be silent while they were here as they’d basically agreed. If looks could kill the look England gave Australia and New Zealand at that moment could’ve killed a whole herd of elephants. New Zealand ignored the look and gave England a hand getting out of the car. Australia wondered how New Zealand had managed to get him into the car in the first place since the skirt was making it more difficult for England to get out again.
"No, legs together, and turn so they come out of the car first." New Zealand said quietly to England who did so, then New Zealand gently pulled him out of the car in one graceful-looking movement. Australia reckoned New Zealand was doing an awesome job so far and that he was right to convince him to take on that role.
“Your Highness?” New Zealand then offered his arm to England. “It’s time to go in.”
Australia watched as England took the offered arm and seemed to settle down completely into his role as New Zealand’s “Princess”. The furious glaring vanished and was replaced by a look of complete calm that made England actually look somewhat regal. The three of them entered the Oval to find their seats in the stands, and Australia noticed England’s grip on New Zealand’s arm tighten a little as they walked past the Barmy Army. He relaxed his grip when they walked past them without England being recognised or noticed. A couple of members of the Army waved to them, and New Zealand and Australia waved back.
“There you go,” New Zealand whispered to England. “They didn’t recognise you at all with the wig.”
England just nodded at that. Finally the three of them reached their seats among a group of Australian fans. As Australia had predicted they’d arrived just in time for the coin toss. The Australian team won the toss, and chose to bat first.
Author/Artist: jencatd
Character(s) or Pairing(s): Australia, England, New Zealand
Rating: PG
Warnings: Swearing.
Summary: Finally the trio were on their way to the test match, but Australia had to know one thing: Could England be a convincing woman?
From the Beginning: Part 1
“Just one more thing, Artie.” Australia said. “How good are you at sounding like a woman?”
Australia watched England’s reaction through the rear-view mirror. New Zealand and England were sitting in the backseat of the car, and New Zealand had conveniently put England in the seat behind Australia.
“I beg your pardon?!” England said. “All I had to do was dress like this! No one said anything about having to sound like a woman!”
"You're dressed as a woman, so surely you'll have to pretend to be a woman too!" Australia said.
"No, I won't." England said. "Men wear costumes to sporting events all the time, and there's no problems with it."
"Yeah, but they don't normally rock up looking as girly as you do right now!" Australia said and England glared at the back of his head.
"I am not a woman!" England folded his arms and gave a small irritated sigh as he stared out the window of the car. Australia couldn't help but let a small chuckle escape when he saw what England was doing. "Fine. If I have to pretend to be a woman for this ridiculous game, I will! And what are you laughing at?"
"Nothing." Australia coughed to try to cover up his amusement but the smile on his face made that pointless. If England was this annoyed before they even got to the Oval the punishment was working even better than he expected! Sure, New Zealand had had a few misgivings about being the Prince to England’s Princess, but Australia was sure it’d all work out fine. The consequences of the rule always worked out well in the past, so surely this little twist would work out too.
"Good." England said. He was starting to sound less annoyed so perhaps it was time to irritate him just a little more. Besides, they had to know if England could be a convincing woman!
“Right then, let’s hear your womanly voice Artie!” Australia said. “We’ll have to work out a name for you too. Artie is not a woman’s name.”
“Like this?” England tried to alter the pitch of his voice so it’d be a little higher, and New Zealand shook his head.
“No good.” New Zealand said. “You still sound too manly.”
Australia kept his eyes mostly on the road and listened as England tried to sound more feminine. The more New Zealand said his attempts were no good, the more frustrated England got, and the more difficult it was for Australia to keep a straight face. Eventually England had had enough.
“I’ve had it!” England folded his arms and glared at New Zealand. “I’ve been trying for ages and still can’t get it right! William, if you think you can do better I’d like to hear it.”
“All right.” New Zealand said. “What do you think of this?”
Australia glanced at England through the rear-view mirror with a grin on his face. New Zealand had made his voice softer and altered the pitch of it enough to make it sound a bit more feminine. He hadn’t used that voice around England before, and Australia was keen to see England’s reaction to it.
“How did you do that?” England said.
“Practice.” New Zealand said as Australia tried to stifle yet another laugh. “Lots of practice you don’t have time for, but there is another option.”
“What kind of option?” England sounded a little nervous for some reason.
“All three of us speak and understand sign language.” New Zealand said. “You could play mute when we’re out in public.”
“Yeah!” Australia said. “Then we don’t have to listen to you whinge if your team loses!”
England immediately signed “Fuck You!” at the back of Australia’s seat and both New Zealand and Australia cracked up laughing which only seemed to make England more angry.
“Love you too, Mum!” Australia said. He kept his attention on the road after that and left dealing with a riled-up England to New Zealand. He felt kind of bad about upsetting England that much, but not really since England's reactions were so much fun to watch. England was good and annoyed now, and also quiet! The quiet part was an unexpected bonus. He glanced in the rear-view mirror again, and saw England signing at New Zealand at a pace Australia couldn’t keep up with.
“Hey Arthur, slow down a little!” New Zealand said. Clearly he couldn’t keep up either. “What do you want your human name to be while we’re out in public?”
“Alice.” England said and then continued with the rapid fire sign language again. Australia was suddenly very glad he was driving. It meant New Zealand had to deal with that visual barrage from England rather than him and it mostly looked like swearing from what he could catch in glimpses through the rear-view mirror. Better New Zealand than him. He could normally handle an angry England, but he wasn’t sure he had the patience to deal with a silent (voluntary or not), angry England. Finally the Oval was coming into view. Time to get this show on the road good and proper.
“Good morning your highnesses, this is your chauffeur speaking. Don’t ever call me that or expect me to call myself that ever again. We are now arriving at the Oval so if everyone could keep their hands to themselves and be on their best behaviour that would be much appreciated.” Australia said as he parked the car, and then turned around in his seat so he could see England and New Zealand. “Alice, I know this is going to be a rough day for you but at least you’ve got Will to help you out. Try not to abuse him when we’re watching the game.”
England made a little huffy noise but said nothing. He was catching on fast and was also being a better sport about it all than Australia expected. To be honest he’d expected a little more complaining from England and for him to protest more over New Zealand’s idea to get around the voice thing on the way here. Under normal circumstances England probably would’ve let fly with some kind of angry outburst, but he was remembering to be silent while they were here as they’d basically agreed. If looks could kill the look England gave Australia and New Zealand at that moment could’ve killed a whole herd of elephants. New Zealand ignored the look and gave England a hand getting out of the car. Australia wondered how New Zealand had managed to get him into the car in the first place since the skirt was making it more difficult for England to get out again.
"No, legs together, and turn so they come out of the car first." New Zealand said quietly to England who did so, then New Zealand gently pulled him out of the car in one graceful-looking movement. Australia reckoned New Zealand was doing an awesome job so far and that he was right to convince him to take on that role.
“Your Highness?” New Zealand then offered his arm to England. “It’s time to go in.”
Australia watched as England took the offered arm and seemed to settle down completely into his role as New Zealand’s “Princess”. The furious glaring vanished and was replaced by a look of complete calm that made England actually look somewhat regal. The three of them entered the Oval to find their seats in the stands, and Australia noticed England’s grip on New Zealand’s arm tighten a little as they walked past the Barmy Army. He relaxed his grip when they walked past them without England being recognised or noticed. A couple of members of the Army waved to them, and New Zealand and Australia waved back.
“There you go,” New Zealand whispered to England. “They didn’t recognise you at all with the wig.”
England just nodded at that. Finally the three of them reached their seats among a group of Australian fans. As Australia had predicted they’d arrived just in time for the coin toss. The Australian team won the toss, and chose to bat first.