not again

[jencallisto]

i
have yet again
forgotten how to flirt.
this has has happened before
periodic failure
induced by long periods of aversion
lack of appealing candidates
circumstances making it less than smart
reciprocation unlikely? not an easy thing to tell

perhaps i only think that because i have forgotten how

and instead, i avoid. i don't look too long or smile too much.
uninterpretable
deliberately so
defense mechanism locking in place
unintentional, and subtle enough that i don't realize until afterwards
what exactly i had been doing.

damn it.