(no subject)
I feel like shit. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this shitty. I am so hurt. The 2 friends I love the most have hurt me, and I have hurt them. I can’t believe it happened the way it did. I can’t believe I was that stupid. I can’t believe she did that to me. What a shitty thing to do. Lying sucks. Trying to keep up with lies sucks. I’m not going to lie anymore. Why did I lie in the first place? I didn’t want to hurt him. That was the last thing I wanted to do. And I just hurt him more. What a bitch. I don’t deserve to ever talk to him again. I wouldn’t be surprised if he never wanted to talk to me again. I am so sorry, if only he would believe me. This is for the best. So why am I so torn up about this? Why do I hurt so badly if this was what I wanted? This is what I want. This is the way it has to be. It wouldn’t be fair to continue. It wouldn’t be fair to him, and it wouldn’t be fair to me. We were wonderful. I miss that. I miss him. I miss everything. I miss being close to him. I miss being stupid, trips to the thrift store, goofy grins, and kisses on my driveway. But I can’t have that anymore. I have to move on. It was perfect for that time and for that place, but I have moved on, and my heart has to too. Right. Be Strong. Everything will be ok . . . . .