(no subject)
Things are so far going awesome. There's only the little things now. I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions, and its crazy. I am a self confident person and self aware. I have been feeling super insecure about community dynamics around me lately. This is so out of character for me and to be honest I don't really understand why. Like I'm not unhappy...not by any means. Things are amazing and I coulnd't ask for a better floor and a better group of RA's and an amazing boss. Things couldn't be better. Things that normally wouldn't even bother me are starting to just make me feel very insecure. For instance, on our floor, we've got Tiff, who's gorgeous in every single way and everyone loves her, then we have me, and then vince, who is the most hilarious and super caring and supportive person ever. Now, to add a little more complexity to the situation, every male on the floor, (with the exceptiong of the gay ones however) are in LOVE with Tiff, well...really they just want in her pants, they all think that she's hot. Then we've got Vince who all the girls are in love with. And with due course. I mean, they're both amazing people. So then I'm left wondering, where do I fit in? I totally get along well with the floor, its not like I feel like i don't have that bond with people on my floor, as that is surely not the case. I feel like I have a bond with them. I'm really lucky to have the relationships that I've formed with the people who I co-habitate with. Its creating for an amazing atmosphere. At Thanksgiving, Vince went home with Tiff, they spent the whole weekend together. I felt/feel left out because of this. I mean, until thanksgiving, i was seeing and talking with both vince and tiff every day. AFter thanksgiving, i didn't see vince for a long time. The only reason I saw tiff was cuz she stopped by the one day. I just feel like they had this intense bonding experience that I can never be aprt of. I realize that if they do have a bond, whatever, I can't expect to be everyone's best friend. And I don't for sure. I mean, if they're close, good on em. Its just, since there's three of us, I can't help but feel left out sometimes. We joke taht the three of us are like a long lost family. Tiff being the older sister, me the middle and vince the baby brother. Its weird, maybe its the typical middle child syndrome. Whatever, I don't know why I'm even complaining about this. Its just one of those nagging feelings and I feel that with time, it will be gone and I will be back to my happy go lucky self. Not worrying about it. I mean, I think that I have better friendships with the people on our floor then both tiff and vince, well...except maybe vince...but thats only for his tower. And...its not like the three of us still don't get along, cuz we definitely do. You know what? I don't even know why i'm complaining. If this is currently my biggest problem, than I am golden.
On a new note, I still feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions. I feel like there's so much stuff to do and everyone expects me to do this, or to do that, and I want to, but I feel like there is just so many expectations right now. Well, that feeling has subsided immensely, the more that I slide into some sort of routine that I can work with. I don't really like the word routine, that sounds too static and boring for me. But lets call it the groove. As I get used to this whole RA thing, the second year thing and getting back into school, my self confidence will return, once i slid back into the groove. I mean, change is my thing right?!
On a new note, I still feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions. I feel like there's so much stuff to do and everyone expects me to do this, or to do that, and I want to, but I feel like there is just so many expectations right now. Well, that feeling has subsided immensely, the more that I slide into some sort of routine that I can work with. I don't really like the word routine, that sounds too static and boring for me. But lets call it the groove. As I get used to this whole RA thing, the second year thing and getting back into school, my self confidence will return, once i slid back into the groove. I mean, change is my thing right?!