From the mouth of a dead man
Last night I received a Skype call from a dead man.
At least, of all the people I knew in our loose crowd of friends and acquaintances during that era of my life so many years ago, I would have expected that Fernando would have been the first to die. One of the last times that I spoke with him, he called from the ICU in an east-coast hospital. He had partied himself to death, and the fine crew of doctors there brought him back from that abyss.
Well, seven or so years later, he is still struggling to make a good life for himself, despite the addiction that has riddled his soul. Yes, I have some pity for him, but I have respect, too.
It's hard for human beings to respect people whom we have been programmed to believe deserve our pity. Naturally, pity does not beget respect. However, to fight such odds and to pay such a premium, and yet still look towards and beyond sobriety - that is a beautiful thing. Worthy of respect. Anything positive that a person accomplishes in one's life does not diminish in beauty because of one's record.
Moreover, Fernando chose to make contact with me after all this time - and not knowing what to expect. I hope that all remains well with him, and I shall pray for positive to attract positive in his life. We are not, in sum, the victims or perpetrators only of our past trespasses.
He gave me bad news, too. My fierce lover of that time, Chris, someone whom I deeply cared for, passed away from cancer some time ago. It hurts to know that I have him. It just hurts.
At least, of all the people I knew in our loose crowd of friends and acquaintances during that era of my life so many years ago, I would have expected that Fernando would have been the first to die. One of the last times that I spoke with him, he called from the ICU in an east-coast hospital. He had partied himself to death, and the fine crew of doctors there brought him back from that abyss.
Well, seven or so years later, he is still struggling to make a good life for himself, despite the addiction that has riddled his soul. Yes, I have some pity for him, but I have respect, too.
It's hard for human beings to respect people whom we have been programmed to believe deserve our pity. Naturally, pity does not beget respect. However, to fight such odds and to pay such a premium, and yet still look towards and beyond sobriety - that is a beautiful thing. Worthy of respect. Anything positive that a person accomplishes in one's life does not diminish in beauty because of one's record.
Moreover, Fernando chose to make contact with me after all this time - and not knowing what to expect. I hope that all remains well with him, and I shall pray for positive to attract positive in his life. We are not, in sum, the victims or perpetrators only of our past trespasses.
He gave me bad news, too. My fierce lover of that time, Chris, someone whom I deeply cared for, passed away from cancer some time ago. It hurts to know that I have him. It just hurts.