(no subject)
its amazing how your own selfishness can push you back into a place of anger and hurt that you thought you put behind you. the childhood innocence that after a certain point in life some say is lost forever, sometimes i wish it was never taken away. i always used to think that my life was boring, without any traumatic or tragic events to mar its surface. i always wanted something to happen to my life, something that would change it, give it more meaning, make it more of a story. as soon as things started happening that did change it, it suddenly didnt seem as important to have a story.
the innocence a child has in the way it views the world is priceless. the idealism that you hold your parents to is so precious that as soon as its destroyed, you feel you have lost your whole world. the hurt and anger of the past two years seems to resurface when im needed to take care of responsibilities i think belong to a parent. the healing of relationships has been a slow process and the resentment that perks up when days like today happen is strong enough to bring back all of these old feelings. i feel stupid sitting here and whining. more selfish too. i dont mean to make my life seem dramatic or awful because im lucky to have the family and life that i do have and there are far worse things that could happen. its just hard when you have to grow up so fast when you didnt ask to...
this is lame and emotional. im sorry.
the innocence a child has in the way it views the world is priceless. the idealism that you hold your parents to is so precious that as soon as its destroyed, you feel you have lost your whole world. the hurt and anger of the past two years seems to resurface when im needed to take care of responsibilities i think belong to a parent. the healing of relationships has been a slow process and the resentment that perks up when days like today happen is strong enough to bring back all of these old feelings. i feel stupid sitting here and whining. more selfish too. i dont mean to make my life seem dramatic or awful because im lucky to have the family and life that i do have and there are far worse things that could happen. its just hard when you have to grow up so fast when you didnt ask to...
this is lame and emotional. im sorry.