happy new year to new beginnings
The new years thing.
This is a new year. I am going to come out clean. There is nothing bad that I need to be clean about but this is a new year and I am in need to do this. I want this year to be different and have better experiences plus being more happy. In a way I can see this year being possibly the worst year since it will be the year that I get to finally own a house but will probably have problems with it because I own it with two other sisters whom I do not get along with all the time. My mind races against my body to tell me to keep going, keep going, keep going. It pushes me to a great extent while my body wants to just give up. I am stronger then I think that I am but I can tell that I am paying the price for holding my stress in and gritting my teeth. I may be healthy and have nothing to worry about but every now and then when I do get stressed out or when I hold my cries in, I do get a pain in the middle of my chest. I am sure its not very good so I try my best to not let things get to me as badly as they do but it still happens but I still deal with them and with it. This past year I have lost most of my confidence for some reason and am finding it hard to be that person that I was a year ago. I have turned into a person that I don’t know, seeing these little mishaps that I am doing that I have never done before. I am being emotional a lot, I find it hard to find what I like and make decisions, I am way quiet, I don’t really like to talk to people that I don’t know, well finding it hard to just talk to customers and stuff like that, I really care what people think of me, I am finding myself to second guess myself with what I am wearing or how I look. I seem to be more uptight and think about things more then I should and if anything I find myself thinking over something as in if I am not quite sure if I should act this way towards this situation or not, basically second guessing my actions towards people. I don’t want to become this person that I don’t know. I don’t have any idea why I am feeling this way or acting like this but I would like it to go away and start the new year fresh and me. I find myself more uptight and more in control then what I want myself to be. The more I think about things the more they make me depressed and I don’t end up accomplishing a lot. I feel more guilty then I used to towards things that I shouldn’t. As of right now I am bored, sad and don’t feel like doing shit. You know what that reminds me of? Being depressed like I was about a year ago when I broke up with my ex and had one of my friends drag me out. Its horrible, I don’t want to be this way. Idk, Maybe I should go to bed. Hopefully tomorrow will be my lucky day and not be this way. I hope to god that something this year would make my year for me to be more happy and live my life how I should and get me closer to that feeling of satisfaction of getting some where in my life. Because right now, I feel like I am in deep shit and its going to be really fucking hard to get out of it.
This is a new year. I am going to come out clean. There is nothing bad that I need to be clean about but this is a new year and I am in need to do this. I want this year to be different and have better experiences plus being more happy. In a way I can see this year being possibly the worst year since it will be the year that I get to finally own a house but will probably have problems with it because I own it with two other sisters whom I do not get along with all the time. My mind races against my body to tell me to keep going, keep going, keep going. It pushes me to a great extent while my body wants to just give up. I am stronger then I think that I am but I can tell that I am paying the price for holding my stress in and gritting my teeth. I may be healthy and have nothing to worry about but every now and then when I do get stressed out or when I hold my cries in, I do get a pain in the middle of my chest. I am sure its not very good so I try my best to not let things get to me as badly as they do but it still happens but I still deal with them and with it. This past year I have lost most of my confidence for some reason and am finding it hard to be that person that I was a year ago. I have turned into a person that I don’t know, seeing these little mishaps that I am doing that I have never done before. I am being emotional a lot, I find it hard to find what I like and make decisions, I am way quiet, I don’t really like to talk to people that I don’t know, well finding it hard to just talk to customers and stuff like that, I really care what people think of me, I am finding myself to second guess myself with what I am wearing or how I look. I seem to be more uptight and think about things more then I should and if anything I find myself thinking over something as in if I am not quite sure if I should act this way towards this situation or not, basically second guessing my actions towards people. I don’t want to become this person that I don’t know. I don’t have any idea why I am feeling this way or acting like this but I would like it to go away and start the new year fresh and me. I find myself more uptight and more in control then what I want myself to be. The more I think about things the more they make me depressed and I don’t end up accomplishing a lot. I feel more guilty then I used to towards things that I shouldn’t. As of right now I am bored, sad and don’t feel like doing shit. You know what that reminds me of? Being depressed like I was about a year ago when I broke up with my ex and had one of my friends drag me out. Its horrible, I don’t want to be this way. Idk, Maybe I should go to bed. Hopefully tomorrow will be my lucky day and not be this way. I hope to god that something this year would make my year for me to be more happy and live my life how I should and get me closer to that feeling of satisfaction of getting some where in my life. Because right now, I feel like I am in deep shit and its going to be really fucking hard to get out of it.