if it hasn't happened yet... it probably wont.
so, I surrender myself to the fact that this is my life. i've traveled many distances, and have seen many things, and wind up right back here. i'm not sad... no, i am sad, and i'm not okay... but ya know what? i can't expect anything. and that fact leaves me a little bitter. the only joy these days is my eyesight fading in and out of focus while i pretend to do my job, at that stupid factory, where i always have belonged. " what? oh, yes, of course, the trident parts, 350 pcs. by tuesday, right-o boss."
me and ken and living in an apartment finally.... we can barely afford to get by, but we do. that whole infatuation period is over, and mostly, i think i just aggervate him these days. but we're settled. I ahte that i never thought i would be the settled type. spending my life with someone slowly watching the passion drain from our lives... going about our own things and sharing a bed at night. There are momments where he looks at me and remembers how much he loved me at one point.... sometimes it's a sad look... and other times it's hopeful. my love is still at full strength... and what makes me sad in this relationship... is that i'm watching someone settle for me. i know that's eventually what happens in every relationship... but god, what a strange thing to just accept.
i make jewelry and sell it now... it's does pretty good, and i think in time, i'll be able to start my own shop and offer birth charts and my jewelry, the tarot readings ( which are GREAT), the meaning to each piece puts sparkles in the eyes of the people who want it, and maybe hope to. more and more people are requesting things. maybe one day i'll be more than a booth at the public market, who knows.
oh that magic feeling where did it go?
i can't say i miss any days passed. i can't say much about anything now.
i think of people from time to time... and know how well they are doing without me, and that makes me glad.
Still...
I remain,
jEN
me and ken and living in an apartment finally.... we can barely afford to get by, but we do. that whole infatuation period is over, and mostly, i think i just aggervate him these days. but we're settled. I ahte that i never thought i would be the settled type. spending my life with someone slowly watching the passion drain from our lives... going about our own things and sharing a bed at night. There are momments where he looks at me and remembers how much he loved me at one point.... sometimes it's a sad look... and other times it's hopeful. my love is still at full strength... and what makes me sad in this relationship... is that i'm watching someone settle for me. i know that's eventually what happens in every relationship... but god, what a strange thing to just accept.
i make jewelry and sell it now... it's does pretty good, and i think in time, i'll be able to start my own shop and offer birth charts and my jewelry, the tarot readings ( which are GREAT), the meaning to each piece puts sparkles in the eyes of the people who want it, and maybe hope to. more and more people are requesting things. maybe one day i'll be more than a booth at the public market, who knows.
oh that magic feeling where did it go?
i can't say i miss any days passed. i can't say much about anything now.
i think of people from time to time... and know how well they are doing without me, and that makes me glad.
Still...
I remain,
jEN