4586: Big Long Now
It's been a while, huh.
I am at a point in my life where I pretty much know how things are gonna go--at the bare minimum, my continued employment will ride entirely on the competence of my fellow employees [which I'm absolutely not sure about]; the three of us, [C, Dan, and I] will continue living here until next spring, if not longer, depending on the housing market; my parents--if given natural deaths vs. getting hit by a bus tomorrow--will live ten or twenty more years, whereupon it will most likely fall to me to handle the clean-up [though my brother is physically closer, so it depends]; I will keep sometimes-drawing just often enough to feel like I could get somewhere if I kept at it but not nearly enough to actually get somewhere...
I guess it's the usual sort of navel-gazing, "I thought I'd be somewhere else by now" depression* that I and many of my friends have fought all our lives. Nothing new, but I both am familiar enough with it to know it will pretty much only get me in trouble during periods of financial instability [which my parents are subsidizing--both a safety net AND a crutch] AND that it's "holding me back"--which I'm still ambivalent about, because am I truly being held "back"? I still don't desire fame with every fibre of my being like vain people do, though I'd love it if my work was famous... not sure how to achieve that besides getting a stand-in. [insert "conspiracy-theorist link to thesis on how Famous Hack I Don't Remember Which One must have a ghost writer because he cites things in the books that DID NOT HAPPEN and clearly doesn't even know what he's talking about" here]
*Though I shouldn't take this lightly, it's highly possible I have at least some mild form of depression, in as far as I can be motivated as ever and still not do anything just because that final step is somehow insurmountable... I am of the usual hesitation to get into this at the doctor, in no small part because I CAN'T GET A DAMNED APPOINTMENTno, that might be unfair--I did the bare minimum effort in seeking an appointment, and they failed to acknowledge my request, which is nevertheless depression fuel. I know what many of my problems are and just can't get myself to do anything about them, but time is a lot of that. [Oddly enough, I'm pretty sure that I'd get a whole lot more done if I were laid off tomorrow! ...despite otherwise impending financial DOOM]
I was gonna bitch, but I really don't have it in me now [told C, think that's enough]--long story short, tho, at least at my current job, HR seems to be a SHITLOAD like high school. Holy hell, I'm kinda not surprised we lost contracts, leading to the lay-offs =p
The main thing I wanted to post about was a thinking aloud kinda thing, and though one person here knows who I'm talking about, that's fine, because any other place is either inappropriate or would reach even more people, and that's not what I'm going for... so it's kinda good that no one uses LJ anymore 9_9
So a friend of mine started a Kickstarter, but I really don't... get it, ya know? I mean, there are a bunch of projects I've backed but haven't been super excited about, but I support the people behind them, either because I like who is running it, or the project seems worthwhile. So I wanna support said project, but... the project itself isn't really a thing I'd support if it wasn't a friend's. I can't even decide if I want to give advice [generally viewed as unhelpful/unwanted, particularly from someone who TECHNICALLY hasn't run a Kickstarter/Indiegogo/etc. yet] or, at the very least, throw some leading questions that way, like, "Do you have X lined up? How will you do Y?"
I prolly SHOULD...? 'cause that's what friends do? But... I dunno... it's like, if this was a project to make comically large T-shirts to use as tents*, I'd have the same ambivalence over helping out even by playing the vocal skeptic. I guess a more tangible project example is the [cancelled] Make Mobile Versions of Existing Nancy Drew Games KS, which seemed pointless [from a fan perspective: "How are you not already able to do this?"], besides having a [fan-perspectively] HUGE goal and middling backer rewards.
*the actual project in question is vaguely more interesting, but I half-expect the cruel Internet to have it on Your Kickstarter Sucks in a matter of days, especially without even a hilarious video pitching the product [he tried, but... not feeling it]
[[I'd throw money around ANYWAY, but I'm already feeling a pinch after a combination splurging-'cause-I'm-making-bank AND squirrelling-away-half-my-earnings-'cause-I-get-NO-WITHHOLDINGS =C WHY ALL THE KICKSTARTERS NOW, PEEPS]]
I am at a point in my life where I pretty much know how things are gonna go--at the bare minimum, my continued employment will ride entirely on the competence of my fellow employees [which I'm absolutely not sure about]; the three of us, [C, Dan, and I] will continue living here until next spring, if not longer, depending on the housing market; my parents--if given natural deaths vs. getting hit by a bus tomorrow--will live ten or twenty more years, whereupon it will most likely fall to me to handle the clean-up [though my brother is physically closer, so it depends]; I will keep sometimes-drawing just often enough to feel like I could get somewhere if I kept at it but not nearly enough to actually get somewhere...
I guess it's the usual sort of navel-gazing, "I thought I'd be somewhere else by now" depression* that I and many of my friends have fought all our lives. Nothing new, but I both am familiar enough with it to know it will pretty much only get me in trouble during periods of financial instability [which my parents are subsidizing--both a safety net AND a crutch] AND that it's "holding me back"--which I'm still ambivalent about, because am I truly being held "back"? I still don't desire fame with every fibre of my being like vain people do, though I'd love it if my work was famous... not sure how to achieve that besides getting a stand-in. [insert "conspiracy-theorist link to thesis on how Famous Hack I Don't Remember Which One must have a ghost writer because he cites things in the books that DID NOT HAPPEN and clearly doesn't even know what he's talking about" here]
*Though I shouldn't take this lightly, it's highly possible I have at least some mild form of depression, in as far as I can be motivated as ever and still not do anything just because that final step is somehow insurmountable... I am of the usual hesitation to get into this at the doctor, in no small part because I CAN'T GET A DAMNED APPOINTMENTno, that might be unfair--I did the bare minimum effort in seeking an appointment, and they failed to acknowledge my request, which is nevertheless depression fuel. I know what many of my problems are and just can't get myself to do anything about them, but time is a lot of that. [Oddly enough, I'm pretty sure that I'd get a whole lot more done if I were laid off tomorrow! ...despite otherwise impending financial DOOM]
I was gonna bitch, but I really don't have it in me now [told C, think that's enough]--long story short, tho, at least at my current job, HR seems to be a SHITLOAD like high school. Holy hell, I'm kinda not surprised we lost contracts, leading to the lay-offs =p
The main thing I wanted to post about was a thinking aloud kinda thing, and though one person here knows who I'm talking about, that's fine, because any other place is either inappropriate or would reach even more people, and that's not what I'm going for... so it's kinda good that no one uses LJ anymore 9_9
So a friend of mine started a Kickstarter, but I really don't... get it, ya know? I mean, there are a bunch of projects I've backed but haven't been super excited about, but I support the people behind them, either because I like who is running it, or the project seems worthwhile. So I wanna support said project, but... the project itself isn't really a thing I'd support if it wasn't a friend's. I can't even decide if I want to give advice [generally viewed as unhelpful/unwanted, particularly from someone who TECHNICALLY hasn't run a Kickstarter/Indiegogo/etc. yet] or, at the very least, throw some leading questions that way, like, "Do you have X lined up? How will you do Y?"
I prolly SHOULD...? 'cause that's what friends do? But... I dunno... it's like, if this was a project to make comically large T-shirts to use as tents*, I'd have the same ambivalence over helping out even by playing the vocal skeptic. I guess a more tangible project example is the [cancelled] Make Mobile Versions of Existing Nancy Drew Games KS, which seemed pointless [from a fan perspective: "How are you not already able to do this?"], besides having a [fan-perspectively] HUGE goal and middling backer rewards.
*the actual project in question is vaguely more interesting, but I half-expect the cruel Internet to have it on Your Kickstarter Sucks in a matter of days, especially without even a hilarious video pitching the product [he tried, but... not feeling it]
[[I'd throw money around ANYWAY, but I'm already feeling a pinch after a combination splurging-'cause-I'm-making-bank AND squirrelling-away-half-my-earnings-'cause-I-get-NO-WITHHOLDINGS =C WHY ALL THE KICKSTARTERS NOW, PEEPS]]