3963: Cold War
The biggest hurdles in my job hunt I see from an objective standpoint are 1. my paralyzing fear of talking to people [at least where my job is dependent on it] and 2. my distaste for doing the thing I can do best [graphics kinds of stuff] on a level more complex than "do this very specific task."
Which boils down to "I don't like subjectivity in my job."
Where I shine is where it is clear that I did something. Went to the bank? Check. Posted all the checks? Check. Resolved the discrepancy in this account? We good. Cleaned up all the artifacts around these screencaps? *thumbs up* It's when the task is something like, "Create the most eye-catching pattern for this workspace," or "Write a pitch for this show you haven't seen," or "Draw this comic featuring a character with the most obnoxiously overcomplicated character design who shows up in 75% of the panels where the author has no idea how to stage them," THAT'S where I collapse.
I know how to fix the problem of "I can do this even though my resumé doesn't reflect it." I just don't know about committing that kind of money into schooling. Certification might be possible, but it's also sort of, "I don't know if I want to commit to going that route IF I manage to get something else and this certification ends up being one more thing on the 'I have no idea what I'm doing with my life' pile."
This is where the workshop cram session teaching breaks down. Absolutely everyone else there [of the lecturer and seven other participants] had a good "30-second elevator speech" but me. Who am I? Professionally, who the fuck knows. [I ended up introducing myself as a "permanent temp."] I would even have preferred to be an entomologist if, hey, I have the fucking experience to prove I can do this crap. What experience does clumps of one and one-and-a-half years of mostly unrelated things net? The most leveraging thing in my work history is five years of retail, the second most is the ten-year-old degree in something I don't want to do with my life. I do have DoubleJump/Hardcore Gamer experience, but I also don't really want to do that anymore [see above] and pretty much only include that if it seems like it will help me get a less subjective design job--but even shit like working at a sign store, they want someone experienced in making signs AND who will talk to clients... [ugh]
I dunno. My father is trying to convince me to ride out unemployment insurance as long as they'll give it to me, if it will allow me to "hold out" for something more permanent, but all I see is this trend against people like me, who couldn't commit to one career track. Or, I got lucky with the deals I had in the past, but unlucky in getting the boot before my experience meant anything [one year of unschooled accounting experience doesn't mean shit], and unluckier that the only temp agency person willing to go the extra mile to find me anything is the one who isn't working anymore. [Possibly, unluckiest that other temp agency people DO want to go the extra mile for me but there are just too many people looking for the same jobs for me to stand out.]
So. Web comic as primary income is looking more lucrative 9_9 but I know that isn't remotely responsible without the readership. [I also have yet to stumble over the magic designs that will sell merch even to non-readers.] I definitely haven't STOPPED drawing, but it feels like I can't properly devote myself to it if I have to look for a job and always have the [however remote at this point] possibility of having to restructure my entire schedule around a new job looming over my head, particularly if I end up getting one of these out in ARLINGTON and *literally* half my day is spent at work or commuting.
Not that the things Dan is saying make GNC look any more appealing than before, between shifting people around and that their benefits suck. If anything, the appeal would be I wouldn't stress over the interview, and that's not saying much. If I *had* to follow my father's advice, though, it would mean pushing my "give up" deadline back to end of September, instead of August. Not that against it, but I feel like I'm cheating somebody. Maybe myself.
Not much else to do but keep looking, though, even if it means maybe having to go back to Target... [I'd freelance, but that feels like the things I hate about design-as-job without the stability or presence of a physical company.]
You better know what you're fighting for...
Which boils down to "I don't like subjectivity in my job."
Where I shine is where it is clear that I did something. Went to the bank? Check. Posted all the checks? Check. Resolved the discrepancy in this account? We good. Cleaned up all the artifacts around these screencaps? *thumbs up* It's when the task is something like, "Create the most eye-catching pattern for this workspace," or "Write a pitch for this show you haven't seen," or "Draw this comic featuring a character with the most obnoxiously overcomplicated character design who shows up in 75% of the panels where the author has no idea how to stage them," THAT'S where I collapse.
I know how to fix the problem of "I can do this even though my resumé doesn't reflect it." I just don't know about committing that kind of money into schooling. Certification might be possible, but it's also sort of, "I don't know if I want to commit to going that route IF I manage to get something else and this certification ends up being one more thing on the 'I have no idea what I'm doing with my life' pile."
This is where the workshop cram session teaching breaks down. Absolutely everyone else there [of the lecturer and seven other participants] had a good "30-second elevator speech" but me. Who am I? Professionally, who the fuck knows. [I ended up introducing myself as a "permanent temp."] I would even have preferred to be an entomologist if, hey, I have the fucking experience to prove I can do this crap. What experience does clumps of one and one-and-a-half years of mostly unrelated things net? The most leveraging thing in my work history is five years of retail, the second most is the ten-year-old degree in something I don't want to do with my life. I do have DoubleJump/Hardcore Gamer experience, but I also don't really want to do that anymore [see above] and pretty much only include that if it seems like it will help me get a less subjective design job--but even shit like working at a sign store, they want someone experienced in making signs AND who will talk to clients... [ugh]
I dunno. My father is trying to convince me to ride out unemployment insurance as long as they'll give it to me, if it will allow me to "hold out" for something more permanent, but all I see is this trend against people like me, who couldn't commit to one career track. Or, I got lucky with the deals I had in the past, but unlucky in getting the boot before my experience meant anything [one year of unschooled accounting experience doesn't mean shit], and unluckier that the only temp agency person willing to go the extra mile to find me anything is the one who isn't working anymore. [Possibly, unluckiest that other temp agency people DO want to go the extra mile for me but there are just too many people looking for the same jobs for me to stand out.]
So. Web comic as primary income is looking more lucrative 9_9 but I know that isn't remotely responsible without the readership. [I also have yet to stumble over the magic designs that will sell merch even to non-readers.] I definitely haven't STOPPED drawing, but it feels like I can't properly devote myself to it if I have to look for a job and always have the [however remote at this point] possibility of having to restructure my entire schedule around a new job looming over my head, particularly if I end up getting one of these out in ARLINGTON and *literally* half my day is spent at work or commuting.
Not that the things Dan is saying make GNC look any more appealing than before, between shifting people around and that their benefits suck. If anything, the appeal would be I wouldn't stress over the interview, and that's not saying much. If I *had* to follow my father's advice, though, it would mean pushing my "give up" deadline back to end of September, instead of August. Not that against it, but I feel like I'm cheating somebody. Maybe myself.
Not much else to do but keep looking, though, even if it means maybe having to go back to Target... [I'd freelance, but that feels like the things I hate about design-as-job without the stability or presence of a physical company.]
You better know what you're fighting for...