3128: Fame
I would link to an appropriate prompt for this train of thought, but it's not public, so you'll maybe have to trust that I could have come across this without provocation. Which is true: I've pushed private deadlines on myself as a way of getting something done* from the neverending pile... However, without particular penalty beyond self-disappointment, it's hit or miss [usually miss], and the latest miss is now to where--for purposes of arbitrary numerological value--I may as well shove everything back another year[!!] and enjoy myself in the meantime, since I seem to prefer it that way, anyway.
*the last successes being
1. finish the first comic page of houndkolbsedek by the end of Labor Day Weekend ['08]--failing that, by Inauguration Day =p
2. (re)post the damned first "issue" of sgppresents on the site by the 15th anniversary X/ [--of the concept, not the site]
3. ...??
My observation in question is the innate tendency in America, at least, to put a high if not OVERWHELMING emphasis on becoming rich and famous as a measure of success, even/especially when the main proponents for it have not done so themselves [i.e., my mother wanted me to be a model, "because it's easy"--oh, well!]. Perhaps it's all the advice columns I've been choking down, with their letters from exasperated adult kids whose parents are disappointed because they didn't marry into wealth or get a Master's or etc., but it's been on my mind for a number of reasons.
I've figured out that fame is not only fleeting but certainly less desirable than people make it out to be--much the way a huge gala of a wedding is anticipated by eight-year-olds[!!!] who haven't even MET the placeholder spouse they would use as the means for getting their "ME!!!1" celebration. Aight, so what happens after you have it? After the fact isn't remotely as interesting as the lead up to it makes it out to be. [Not that I speak about either fame or weddings with any authority, but that's why I *do* read advice columns to try to approach filling in the gaps in my knowledge.]
So what does fame have to do with my patent inability to finish anything I start? Frankly, if [and this is a BIG IF, I know] I self-publish and gain notoriety and end up an accomplished author at only twice Christopher Paolini's age when he succeeded [with, hopefully, at least twice the quality], that ugly beast of Fame would rear its ugly head... so--perhaps subconsciously--I don't feel nearly the enthusiasm for finishing my work when I visualize the steeple I'm chasing.
Could I write my books and NOT be famous? Sure, but I can't always count on that. Despite my best efforts, I *do* have an ego to feed [and if it was only myself I was trying to please, finishing wouldn't matter to me because I would be pretty damn happy editing until I die], so I would want to show people, and they would show people, and so on.
Am I being narcissistic thinking this? I can't hope so, because just sending a picture [--okay, SEVERAL] to Archie Comics once had the unfortunate side effect of a random would-be-stalker type* finding my home address off a CD[?!?] and mailing me asking for more of the same. I obliged once, but then I realized that may have been a mistake [free commission = FAIL] and subsequently turned him down, with the result I got more letters trying to guilt me into giving him more free artwork.
*He may have been ten and harmless at the time, but I have no idea. All in all, it wasn't exactly flattering, I'll say.
Mind, this wasn't even a serious venture into fame but a piggyback off someone else's, so if I express hesitation, I believe I have good reason. [I do have other, worse incidents I could relate, but it might not be a good idea.] My recurring problem is I can't come to a happy medium between creating for the sake of it [and sharing, because I can] and avoiding the creepy bits that come with fame, besides that I'm just an introvert and would be uncharacteristically rude [...more so!] if I had to do appearances and such. I want to do a Bill Watterson/Garry Trudeau and have my work--but not ME--be famous, but I can't know that will happen, not being where I am. [If you contest this, you have NO idea where I am and what the incidents I won't publicly air are.]
There's an elegant solution, but I think I'm too late for it because--thanks to the Internet--I've already publicized some of my better stuff as me. Oops =/ Not that I could think of a pseudonym I really like, nor do I want to plagiarize myself and just change all the [already perfect] names of the characters. That leaves me with "edit until I die," which is fine with me in practice, but once in a while I see a random name in an actual dead tree in the store and recognize it and say, "Hey, s/he finished something, why haven't I?"
Old habits... -_-;
Also, she should have left it there XP though, because I hate myself, I do still want to see what my "I can't watch this anymore" threshhold for Twilight is, despite Mum seething over her students eating it up and buying into the [if Wikipedia is accurate] "attraction is enough for love because that's all the characters need to get through the two hours of putting up with each other for the camera" bullshit--hmm, do I sound bitter? I did somehow manage to choke down all of The Lake House, tho, so the ICWTAT for Twilight could be anywhere. *fatally curious*
Also also, C told me Rock Band Pearl Jam is coming out, but... jeez, make one from someone in my range, huh? =/ Besides, I think if I want to do vocal fry to "Jeremy" bad enough, I'll just get the DLC for cheaper.
*the last successes being
1. finish the first comic page of houndkolbsedek by the end of Labor Day Weekend ['08]--failing that, by Inauguration Day =p
2. (re)post the damned first "issue" of sgppresents on the site by the 15th anniversary X/ [--of the concept, not the site]
3. ...??
My observation in question is the innate tendency in America, at least, to put a high if not OVERWHELMING emphasis on becoming rich and famous as a measure of success, even/especially when the main proponents for it have not done so themselves [i.e., my mother wanted me to be a model, "because it's easy"--oh, well!]. Perhaps it's all the advice columns I've been choking down, with their letters from exasperated adult kids whose parents are disappointed because they didn't marry into wealth or get a Master's or etc., but it's been on my mind for a number of reasons.
I've figured out that fame is not only fleeting but certainly less desirable than people make it out to be--much the way a huge gala of a wedding is anticipated by eight-year-olds[!!!] who haven't even MET the placeholder spouse they would use as the means for getting their "ME!!!1" celebration. Aight, so what happens after you have it? After the fact isn't remotely as interesting as the lead up to it makes it out to be. [Not that I speak about either fame or weddings with any authority, but that's why I *do* read advice columns to try to approach filling in the gaps in my knowledge.]
So what does fame have to do with my patent inability to finish anything I start? Frankly, if [and this is a BIG IF, I know] I self-publish and gain notoriety and end up an accomplished author at only twice Christopher Paolini's age when he succeeded [with, hopefully, at least twice the quality], that ugly beast of Fame would rear its ugly head... so--perhaps subconsciously--I don't feel nearly the enthusiasm for finishing my work when I visualize the steeple I'm chasing.
Could I write my books and NOT be famous? Sure, but I can't always count on that. Despite my best efforts, I *do* have an ego to feed [and if it was only myself I was trying to please, finishing wouldn't matter to me because I would be pretty damn happy editing until I die], so I would want to show people, and they would show people, and so on.
Am I being narcissistic thinking this? I can't hope so, because just sending a picture [--okay, SEVERAL] to Archie Comics once had the unfortunate side effect of a random would-be-stalker type* finding my home address off a CD[?!?] and mailing me asking for more of the same. I obliged once, but then I realized that may have been a mistake [free commission = FAIL] and subsequently turned him down, with the result I got more letters trying to guilt me into giving him more free artwork.
*He may have been ten and harmless at the time, but I have no idea. All in all, it wasn't exactly flattering, I'll say.
Mind, this wasn't even a serious venture into fame but a piggyback off someone else's, so if I express hesitation, I believe I have good reason. [I do have other, worse incidents I could relate, but it might not be a good idea.] My recurring problem is I can't come to a happy medium between creating for the sake of it [and sharing, because I can] and avoiding the creepy bits that come with fame, besides that I'm just an introvert and would be uncharacteristically rude [...more so!] if I had to do appearances and such. I want to do a Bill Watterson/Garry Trudeau and have my work--but not ME--be famous, but I can't know that will happen, not being where I am. [If you contest this, you have NO idea where I am and what the incidents I won't publicly air are.]
There's an elegant solution, but I think I'm too late for it because--thanks to the Internet--I've already publicized some of my better stuff as me. Oops =/ Not that I could think of a pseudonym I really like, nor do I want to plagiarize myself and just change all the [already perfect] names of the characters. That leaves me with "edit until I die," which is fine with me in practice, but once in a while I see a random name in an actual dead tree in the store and recognize it and say, "Hey, s/he finished something, why haven't I?"
Old habits... -_-;
Also, she should have left it there XP though, because I hate myself, I do still want to see what my "I can't watch this anymore" threshhold for Twilight is, despite Mum seething over her students eating it up and buying into the [if Wikipedia is accurate] "attraction is enough for love because that's all the characters need to get through the two hours of putting up with each other for the camera" bullshit--hmm, do I sound bitter? I did somehow manage to choke down all of The Lake House, tho, so the ICWTAT for Twilight could be anywhere. *fatally curious*
Also also, C told me Rock Band Pearl Jam is coming out, but... jeez, make one from someone in my range, huh? =/ Besides, I think if I want to do vocal fry to "Jeremy" bad enough, I'll just get the DLC for cheaper.