2528.2: Alexa's Theme
I've been between moods--as usual--with the normal conflicts between "I'm so sad that I will never follow in my parents' footsteps--waitmebbeit'snottoolate!!!1" and "'Let's have a baby' is NOT a suggestion on equal footing as 'Let's go see a movie tonight' XC" that invade my brain when hormones run rampant. It's times like these that make me even more frustrated with the status quo. At least when I started out in retail, I was driven by a motive to not end up self-loathing from being mired in irreparable debt. Now, all the "Shouldn't I be doing better?" is kicking in =p even if I can point to my past and say, "See? A year of Calc II freshman year ended up being ELECTIVE??" as a way of showing the disparity between perception of the world and reality as it is, that I can't simply look to what it seems like I should be doing over what I actually want to do--no matter the stage of mid-life crisis.
[Also, I'm pretty sure it's a turn-off to Chars to even hint about being so irresponsible...]
I've also been mopey because *gasp!* I have and have had a pretty normal life and really can't complain about my lot [so much].
This is the bizarre thing about me. Well, maybe not THE bizarre THING, SINGULAR, but when I contemplate it, it's very strange. There are folks who would demand that the Reverend Charles Dodgson a.k.a. Lewis Carroll was on some number of drugs when he wrote Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, because "there's no way" anyone could simply have the imagination to think it up otherwise. I think about this on occasion and, subsequently, extrapolate that the horrible things I inflict upon my characters must evince that I obviously have a number of unaddressed issues and require much therapy, at least in the minds of people who don't really know any better and are prolly not very creative in their own right, wouldn't know the value of creation if it bit 'em in the collective ass.
I always say collective ass, because "they" do not own a single ass between them, yet I always hear "ass" instead of "asses," and, hell, why not go along with it.
Conflicting this, I feel like anyone who has lived through the kinds of ordeals I merely imagine has it "easy" in that respect: All they have to do is write what they've been through, the same way I write this kind of junk every day =p Note, of course: "easy" != "enviable" by any stretch of the imagination, though I suppose it could be construed as a valid excuse to complain, being a martyr, which may be why everyone wants to be one ["OMG WE ANTI-GAY REPUBLICANS ARE SO REPRESSED BY DEM BLEEDING LIBS THEY WANT TO SHOVE CIVILITY DOWN OUR THROATS BOO HOO WHERE IS THE LOVE DON'T BE HATIN' DAWG"].
I do wonder what exactly it is I'm trying to work through in my writing, though. Why did I go where I went? It seems unfathomably cruel what I've written, but it would also change who they are to negate that. Yet what it says about me... besides that I think too much =B
and ams hangry! T_T Guh, how do I manage to forget I hanger XO
[Also, I'm pretty sure it's a turn-off to Chars to even hint about being so irresponsible...]
I've also been mopey because *gasp!* I have and have had a pretty normal life and really can't complain about my lot [so much].
This is the bizarre thing about me. Well, maybe not THE bizarre THING, SINGULAR, but when I contemplate it, it's very strange. There are folks who would demand that the Reverend Charles Dodgson a.k.a. Lewis Carroll was on some number of drugs when he wrote Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, because "there's no way" anyone could simply have the imagination to think it up otherwise. I think about this on occasion and, subsequently, extrapolate that the horrible things I inflict upon my characters must evince that I obviously have a number of unaddressed issues and require much therapy, at least in the minds of people who don't really know any better and are prolly not very creative in their own right, wouldn't know the value of creation if it bit 'em in the collective ass.
I always say collective ass, because "they" do not own a single ass between them, yet I always hear "ass" instead of "asses," and, hell, why not go along with it.
Conflicting this, I feel like anyone who has lived through the kinds of ordeals I merely imagine has it "easy" in that respect: All they have to do is write what they've been through, the same way I write this kind of junk every day =p Note, of course: "easy" != "enviable" by any stretch of the imagination, though I suppose it could be construed as a valid excuse to complain, being a martyr, which may be why everyone wants to be one ["OMG WE ANTI-GAY REPUBLICANS ARE SO REPRESSED BY DEM BLEEDING LIBS THEY WANT TO SHOVE CIVILITY DOWN OUR THROATS BOO HOO WHERE IS THE LOVE DON'T BE HATIN' DAWG"].
I do wonder what exactly it is I'm trying to work through in my writing, though. Why did I go where I went? It seems unfathomably cruel what I've written, but it would also change who they are to negate that. Yet what it says about me... besides that I think too much =B
and ams hangry! T_T Guh, how do I manage to forget I hanger XO