449: signs
The Internet was down all morning what times I actually wanted to browse things [Schubert fixed it while I took a DDR break, then when I wanted to actually use it again, it went back down], so I took that as a sign and will deliberate on a rather scathing bit I had spent all morning writing.
The self-bash I can post, though.
I am socially inept. This is something I've been aware of having for years--all my life, actually--and where I wouldn't deal with it by trying to be a clown to cover up my shyness, I would deal with it by being antisocial and/or distant... both times with mixed results. Something that has been perpetually nagging at me was the last time I saw Charles's co-worker Alex, at the company Christmas party. He was trying to talk to me, but from ten feet away, and since I only sort of understood what he said and was so far away, I kept having this feeling that he wasn't actually talking to me, but to someone behind me. When Charles later told me that Alex thought I didn't like him, it made me feel even worse... but I simply don't do well with distance conversation.
This has happened at work, too... like how the less-new kid, Gabriel, asked me if I had change [I think], but he talked so quietly, and I was so involved with my drawing, that I didn't pay a bit of attention to him. I feel bad about not even assuming he was talking to me and looking up to check, though, but HE TALKS SO QUIETLY T_T
Bottom line: If you don't say my name LOUDLY and/or look me in the eye when you talk, I have almost no idea that you're talking to me. [Exceptions: if I'm the only other one in the room, though there are times when that's still not the case.] My brain is pretty stupid that way, but I feel intrusive if I instead always assume I am the subject of discussion.
I've finally at least gotten myself to believe that the disorder at work isn't in itself as bad as I've told myself it was--after all, it's why I took the job in the first place, because organization is inherently a passion of mine. I just have to pretty much look at it as a Sudoku or Logic puzzle. If it was all nice and organized at work as my neuroses would dictate, I'd have nothing to do... well, nothing extracurricular to do, and certainly nothing challenging. This feeling struck me in particular as I went into Cosmetics after having fixed a MAJOR problem with some fuckhead mixing fifty different items into any of fifty separate locations--once that was reorganized, I felt defused. It was like coming back to a puzzle that someone had already mostly finished.
Strange, but it's something I've had to ponder in the course of, "Is it really worth bitching that my co-workers aren't as OCD about work as I am?"
On the Internet outages, I had asked Schubert if he really wanted ComCast cable, and he said, quite meekly, "I have no choice..." because Verizon has to lay lines to get anything over here, and he's said, "I will help you dig the trench! I will bring my own crew! Just GET OVER HERE!"
Because, you know, BombCast is the AOL/GeoCities of Cable Internet... shit, but the only option.
The self-bash I can post, though.
I am socially inept. This is something I've been aware of having for years--all my life, actually--and where I wouldn't deal with it by trying to be a clown to cover up my shyness, I would deal with it by being antisocial and/or distant... both times with mixed results. Something that has been perpetually nagging at me was the last time I saw Charles's co-worker Alex, at the company Christmas party. He was trying to talk to me, but from ten feet away, and since I only sort of understood what he said and was so far away, I kept having this feeling that he wasn't actually talking to me, but to someone behind me. When Charles later told me that Alex thought I didn't like him, it made me feel even worse... but I simply don't do well with distance conversation.
This has happened at work, too... like how the less-new kid, Gabriel, asked me if I had change [I think], but he talked so quietly, and I was so involved with my drawing, that I didn't pay a bit of attention to him. I feel bad about not even assuming he was talking to me and looking up to check, though, but HE TALKS SO QUIETLY T_T
Bottom line: If you don't say my name LOUDLY and/or look me in the eye when you talk, I have almost no idea that you're talking to me. [Exceptions: if I'm the only other one in the room, though there are times when that's still not the case.] My brain is pretty stupid that way, but I feel intrusive if I instead always assume I am the subject of discussion.
I've finally at least gotten myself to believe that the disorder at work isn't in itself as bad as I've told myself it was--after all, it's why I took the job in the first place, because organization is inherently a passion of mine. I just have to pretty much look at it as a Sudoku or Logic puzzle. If it was all nice and organized at work as my neuroses would dictate, I'd have nothing to do... well, nothing extracurricular to do, and certainly nothing challenging. This feeling struck me in particular as I went into Cosmetics after having fixed a MAJOR problem with some fuckhead mixing fifty different items into any of fifty separate locations--once that was reorganized, I felt defused. It was like coming back to a puzzle that someone had already mostly finished.
Strange, but it's something I've had to ponder in the course of, "Is it really worth bitching that my co-workers aren't as OCD about work as I am?"
On the Internet outages, I had asked Schubert if he really wanted ComCast cable, and he said, quite meekly, "I have no choice..." because Verizon has to lay lines to get anything over here, and he's said, "I will help you dig the trench! I will bring my own crew! Just GET OVER HERE!"
Because, you know, BombCast is the AOL/GeoCities of Cable Internet... shit, but the only option.