374: The Legacy of Cute Guy
I mention the cute guy from Target Fair Lakes in particular because I was browsing through my photos at Charles's recommendation [to post one to the Shmups forum] and happened to come across one with Cute Guy in it [indirectly--a photo of the GTH wall]... but also because I recognize him in Cillian Murphy, now that Red Eye is out on DVD... oh, and because I said I'd talk about the metaphor of the cats.*
It became a strange obsession for me to think about Cute Guy, particularly at work, because... well... he's attractive. Take Murphy in Red Eye [Batman Begins doesn't quite work] and make his hair shoulder-length, and that's Cute Guy. Well, it WAS, anyway--he cut off all his hair shortly before I left the store, so he ended up looking more like Billie Joe Armstrong instead, which was a bit of a shock to see him and not exactly recognize him at first.
...also, work was incredibly boring. It still is, to a degree, but it became difficult at Fair Lakes not to think about my co-workers and what they did in their free time and so on, particularly as rambunctious as a lot of them got with us all being stuck in one stockroom the whole day [Overnight was a different story]. Target Rio is a bit more chaotic and I'm much more able to be distracted by work itself than my co-workers--though they still try--since we have more stockrooms to change my focus of attention, and if I don't like the atmosphere in one area, I can go to another.
Erm, anyway... :p A huge chunk of my energy went into emotional cheating, at least at work or around friends. I felt less and less that I was in a relationship the more that I was simply a convenient way to get things and the less that I was someone with whom to share everything. On the job, I thought about Cute Guy. Off the job, if Charles or Zack were around, I'd hang around them more. Retrospectively, I've rebounded relatively quickly from my ex-'s, possibly because I spent half the relationship on the rebound but didn't quite realize it until it was over.
[For the record, I never seriously considered any of my co-workers as potential new partners. Most if not all of them had girl/boyfriends, though it didn't do any harm to window-shop ;) ...of course, the memories are still precious to me, like when Rob worked up the nerve to ask me what I was wearing around my neck, if it was a dog collar, and I said, "A... dog... collar..." and Cute Guy overheard that and grinned... ^^; I mean, if nothing else, that's a good comic moment, or inspiration for a story.]
*...but I'd mentioned once before that Charles told me the bit about how "Cats that are hungry will hunt things and eat them. Cats that are well-fed will play with them." [paraphrased] The significance of that was subtle, but effective--my reading into it, not that he necessarily meant anything by it [because he actually was talking about cats at the time].
In my prior relationships, there was always--I realize now--a time when I at least subconsciously recognized that the relationship was over [even if I wouldn't admit it as such even to myself], at which point I ended up looking for what I was missing from others. If any of my past four relationships had been fulfilling, I wouldn't have had my attention wandering elsewhere when I wasn't being given attention myself. It got tiring being the one trying to make it work, even if I was so afraid of being alone that I preferred it to not being with someone.
Yet it ultimately becomes a self-destructive cycle going nowhere to stay in a bad situation out of fear or unwillingness to brave the unknown. That would be the biggest thing I would want to pass on to everyone else, that if you can't give up something you know is not working, you'll never get to move on to what will.
So Cute Guy's legacy [besides basically looking like Cillian Murphy] is showing me that a fulfilling relationship isn't one where minds wander. A sexually-satisfied partner won't cheat. An intellectually-stimulated partner won't constantly make excuses to skip out of the latest "Jackass" marathon. Life companions won't always split up in order to enjoy their hobbies. A well-fed cat will play with something it's caught.
Also, finding fault in every little thing only makes everything that much more intolerable. I'm slowly learning to get over my hang-ups about every little thing that bothers me. The PSP ad "It's like cheese you can listen to outside!" is clearly insulting on so many levels, but I have to admit it cheered me up heavily at work last night, making me crack up for absolutely no reason when I thought about it ^o^ so I figure if I can extend that to other things, my life will be that much more easygoing.
Episode III is pissing me off MORE, though... I mean, it's 10 January, and the game display is still cycling "On November 1st, Episode III on DVD" ads every five minutes?! XB "YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!!!" is my LEAST favourite line of all time now! >:(
EGGS BACON COFFEE
It became a strange obsession for me to think about Cute Guy, particularly at work, because... well... he's attractive. Take Murphy in Red Eye [Batman Begins doesn't quite work] and make his hair shoulder-length, and that's Cute Guy. Well, it WAS, anyway--he cut off all his hair shortly before I left the store, so he ended up looking more like Billie Joe Armstrong instead, which was a bit of a shock to see him and not exactly recognize him at first.
...also, work was incredibly boring. It still is, to a degree, but it became difficult at Fair Lakes not to think about my co-workers and what they did in their free time and so on, particularly as rambunctious as a lot of them got with us all being stuck in one stockroom the whole day [Overnight was a different story]. Target Rio is a bit more chaotic and I'm much more able to be distracted by work itself than my co-workers--though they still try--since we have more stockrooms to change my focus of attention, and if I don't like the atmosphere in one area, I can go to another.
Erm, anyway... :p A huge chunk of my energy went into emotional cheating, at least at work or around friends. I felt less and less that I was in a relationship the more that I was simply a convenient way to get things and the less that I was someone with whom to share everything. On the job, I thought about Cute Guy. Off the job, if Charles or Zack were around, I'd hang around them more. Retrospectively, I've rebounded relatively quickly from my ex-'s, possibly because I spent half the relationship on the rebound but didn't quite realize it until it was over.
[For the record, I never seriously considered any of my co-workers as potential new partners. Most if not all of them had girl/boyfriends, though it didn't do any harm to window-shop ;) ...of course, the memories are still precious to me, like when Rob worked up the nerve to ask me what I was wearing around my neck, if it was a dog collar, and I said, "A... dog... collar..." and Cute Guy overheard that and grinned... ^^; I mean, if nothing else, that's a good comic moment, or inspiration for a story.]
*...but I'd mentioned once before that Charles told me the bit about how "Cats that are hungry will hunt things and eat them. Cats that are well-fed will play with them." [paraphrased] The significance of that was subtle, but effective--my reading into it, not that he necessarily meant anything by it [because he actually was talking about cats at the time].
In my prior relationships, there was always--I realize now--a time when I at least subconsciously recognized that the relationship was over [even if I wouldn't admit it as such even to myself], at which point I ended up looking for what I was missing from others. If any of my past four relationships had been fulfilling, I wouldn't have had my attention wandering elsewhere when I wasn't being given attention myself. It got tiring being the one trying to make it work, even if I was so afraid of being alone that I preferred it to not being with someone.
Yet it ultimately becomes a self-destructive cycle going nowhere to stay in a bad situation out of fear or unwillingness to brave the unknown. That would be the biggest thing I would want to pass on to everyone else, that if you can't give up something you know is not working, you'll never get to move on to what will.
So Cute Guy's legacy [besides basically looking like Cillian Murphy] is showing me that a fulfilling relationship isn't one where minds wander. A sexually-satisfied partner won't cheat. An intellectually-stimulated partner won't constantly make excuses to skip out of the latest "Jackass" marathon. Life companions won't always split up in order to enjoy their hobbies. A well-fed cat will play with something it's caught.
Also, finding fault in every little thing only makes everything that much more intolerable. I'm slowly learning to get over my hang-ups about every little thing that bothers me. The PSP ad "It's like cheese you can listen to outside!" is clearly insulting on so many levels, but I have to admit it cheered me up heavily at work last night, making me crack up for absolutely no reason when I thought about it ^o^ so I figure if I can extend that to other things, my life will be that much more easygoing.
Episode III is pissing me off MORE, though... I mean, it's 10 January, and the game display is still cycling "On November 1st, Episode III on DVD" ads every five minutes?! XB "YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!!!" is my LEAST favourite line of all time now! >:(
EGGS BACON COFFEE