This turned out to be a lot longer than I intended.
Can't believe its August already. I have mixed feelings about the summer coming to a close which will be best explained in lists.
Things I'm Pumped About:
- I'm majorly upgrading my living situation. I'm going to have my own bedroom, a bathroom which I only have to share with one person, and the girl I'm supposed to be sharing it with is really cool. I'm also going to have a kitchen, and even though its a tiny little one, at least I don't have to pick and choose which things I want to go into the fridge now because it will be a normal sized one. Also, I can start eating real food instead of the garbage they serve at Towson.
- I'm going to Rochester, NY tomorrow with Wyatt to spend a few days with his aunt, uncle, and their two small children. The kids are really adorable and fun, and his aunt and uncle are super relaxed and chill and are fun to hang out with.
- When I get back from Rochester, I'm going to an Eagles of Death Metal concert. While its going to be chaos, since the group of us going consists of at least ten people, I'm still pumped.
- After that, I'm house/dog sitting for my aunt and uncle for a week. They have a big, dopey black lab and an extremely excitable miniature dachshund, a pool table, a water bed, and a TV bigger than my kitchen table. To top it off, my dad jokingly said something to my aunt about me partying in the house while they were away, and she responded with "Well, whatever, as long as they clean up afterwards," and she was totally serious. I don't party and I wouldn't invite a crowd over, but at least I won't feel guilty now if I do have somebody come hang out with me.
- I turn 20 this month, which doesn't seem like a big deal because half of my friends are 20 or 21 already, but hey, free stuff.
Things I'm Worried About:
- My future room mates. I know the one girl, Carolyn, is a really sweet person. But I don't know who the other two are and I'm really nervous about meeting them. What if they suck? Theres a lot of sucky people at Towson. I have this image of two really skinny, bitchy, close minded girls in my head because theres SO many people like that at my school. But at the same time, I don't know if I'd prefer to have socially awkward people, because theres also a shit ton of them at Towson, too, and I don't think I could handle living with that. I had this problem before meeting Becky, and I freaked out and hated her at first. Then she turned out to be pretty good, so I know that everything will probably turn out ok, but I'm still really stressed about it.
- My photo classes. Aside from Photo II, which I'm not too nervous about because I already took Photo III, I'm really freaking out because its getting down to business. This is my third year, and I still feel like I'm missing a huge portion of my photographic education. It feels like I woke up one morning as a rising junior and realized I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I know I am capable, but when I look at some of the other people in my major, I feel like not only am I WAY behind them in talent, but they also know so much more about the field because they research it at home and had high school classes and all that. I research stuff at home (I turned my bedroom into a camera obscura yesterday) but then I usually forget it all, and fuck if Ms. Butcher ever helped me with photography at Maryvale. Also, I don't think I'm going to be able to get a job once this is all said and done, and I'm probably going to have to do the job I always said I'd never do, which is wedding photography.
- This isn't really worrying me, but its something I keep thinking about. A kid from my elementary school, Matthew Sykes, killed himself last summer and I just found out a few days ago. Its not like I knew the kid, I think he left the school after second or third grade, but I remember him and exactly what he looked like and the fact that he used to sing to me. Several months ago, I looked for him on facebook just out of curiousity, and couldn't find him. Well, thats because he overdosed on a mixture of narcotics last June. Depressing shit.
- Even though I'm also pumped for this, for some reason I'm freaking out about turning 20? I know on my birthday I'm not going to be all "OH GOD, ITS HAPPENING!" Its more of a general feeling of losing my childhood. I'm leaving the teen years, and even though I know it won't make a difference in how I act or the things I do, I still feel like I'm saying goodbye to being a kid and moving into the adult world. As a kid, when I would plan out my perfect life, I always had myself getting married at 23 (thats when my mom got married) and having kids a couple years later. Now, I've certainly adjusted this, and don't plan on getting married in three years or having children in five, but the fact that I'm going to be in my 20s, and probably going to get married in my 20s, and have a real job in my 20s... Wow. Its a lot to think about. The other day, my mom and I were playing with my cousins 1 year old son, and my mom said something like "Aw, I want a baby to play with!" and I joked that she should go to the store and buy one. She responded with "I don't need to buy one, I'll be getting free ones in a few years." A FEW YEARS? I don't want to think about my parents being grandparents in a few years. I don't want to think about being a mother in a few years!!! And its not like she was talking about my brothers, because Jason is hopeless and Jesse is in highschool. Life has gone by really slow, it seems like its taken forever to get to this age, and I don't really want to stay a kid forever. But I don't want to grow up either.
Things I'm Pumped About:
- I'm majorly upgrading my living situation. I'm going to have my own bedroom, a bathroom which I only have to share with one person, and the girl I'm supposed to be sharing it with is really cool. I'm also going to have a kitchen, and even though its a tiny little one, at least I don't have to pick and choose which things I want to go into the fridge now because it will be a normal sized one. Also, I can start eating real food instead of the garbage they serve at Towson.
- I'm going to Rochester, NY tomorrow with Wyatt to spend a few days with his aunt, uncle, and their two small children. The kids are really adorable and fun, and his aunt and uncle are super relaxed and chill and are fun to hang out with.
- When I get back from Rochester, I'm going to an Eagles of Death Metal concert. While its going to be chaos, since the group of us going consists of at least ten people, I'm still pumped.
- After that, I'm house/dog sitting for my aunt and uncle for a week. They have a big, dopey black lab and an extremely excitable miniature dachshund, a pool table, a water bed, and a TV bigger than my kitchen table. To top it off, my dad jokingly said something to my aunt about me partying in the house while they were away, and she responded with "Well, whatever, as long as they clean up afterwards," and she was totally serious. I don't party and I wouldn't invite a crowd over, but at least I won't feel guilty now if I do have somebody come hang out with me.
- I turn 20 this month, which doesn't seem like a big deal because half of my friends are 20 or 21 already, but hey, free stuff.
Things I'm Worried About:
- My future room mates. I know the one girl, Carolyn, is a really sweet person. But I don't know who the other two are and I'm really nervous about meeting them. What if they suck? Theres a lot of sucky people at Towson. I have this image of two really skinny, bitchy, close minded girls in my head because theres SO many people like that at my school. But at the same time, I don't know if I'd prefer to have socially awkward people, because theres also a shit ton of them at Towson, too, and I don't think I could handle living with that. I had this problem before meeting Becky, and I freaked out and hated her at first. Then she turned out to be pretty good, so I know that everything will probably turn out ok, but I'm still really stressed about it.
- My photo classes. Aside from Photo II, which I'm not too nervous about because I already took Photo III, I'm really freaking out because its getting down to business. This is my third year, and I still feel like I'm missing a huge portion of my photographic education. It feels like I woke up one morning as a rising junior and realized I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I know I am capable, but when I look at some of the other people in my major, I feel like not only am I WAY behind them in talent, but they also know so much more about the field because they research it at home and had high school classes and all that. I research stuff at home (I turned my bedroom into a camera obscura yesterday) but then I usually forget it all, and fuck if Ms. Butcher ever helped me with photography at Maryvale. Also, I don't think I'm going to be able to get a job once this is all said and done, and I'm probably going to have to do the job I always said I'd never do, which is wedding photography.
- This isn't really worrying me, but its something I keep thinking about. A kid from my elementary school, Matthew Sykes, killed himself last summer and I just found out a few days ago. Its not like I knew the kid, I think he left the school after second or third grade, but I remember him and exactly what he looked like and the fact that he used to sing to me. Several months ago, I looked for him on facebook just out of curiousity, and couldn't find him. Well, thats because he overdosed on a mixture of narcotics last June. Depressing shit.
- Even though I'm also pumped for this, for some reason I'm freaking out about turning 20? I know on my birthday I'm not going to be all "OH GOD, ITS HAPPENING!" Its more of a general feeling of losing my childhood. I'm leaving the teen years, and even though I know it won't make a difference in how I act or the things I do, I still feel like I'm saying goodbye to being a kid and moving into the adult world. As a kid, when I would plan out my perfect life, I always had myself getting married at 23 (thats when my mom got married) and having kids a couple years later. Now, I've certainly adjusted this, and don't plan on getting married in three years or having children in five, but the fact that I'm going to be in my 20s, and probably going to get married in my 20s, and have a real job in my 20s... Wow. Its a lot to think about. The other day, my mom and I were playing with my cousins 1 year old son, and my mom said something like "Aw, I want a baby to play with!" and I joked that she should go to the store and buy one. She responded with "I don't need to buy one, I'll be getting free ones in a few years." A FEW YEARS? I don't want to think about my parents being grandparents in a few years. I don't want to think about being a mother in a few years!!! And its not like she was talking about my brothers, because Jason is hopeless and Jesse is in highschool. Life has gone by really slow, it seems like its taken forever to get to this age, and I don't really want to stay a kid forever. But I don't want to grow up either.