Always with the family conversations
My brother caught me reading Twilight. After informing him that my response of "Oh my GOD" wasn't out of praise, I started to tell him why. And after he lambasted me for reading a series I'm not into, we started joking about it and it all went downhill from there.
STEVEN: "Vampires glitter?"
ME: "Well, technically, the author says he sparkled in the sun."
STEVEN: "Uh huh."
ME: "And so they don't come out in the daylight. So they skip school on sunny days."
STEVEN: "Wait, what happens if the weather clears up when they're in class?"
ME: "I guess they go home?"
STEVEN: "And why don't they sparkle inside the school?"
ME: "...the author didn't explain that yet."
STEVEN: "Their skin should glitter under lamps and stuff, then."
ME: "... ... GODDAMMIT STEVEN STOP MAKING ME TRY AND FIGURE OUT WHY THEY DON'T."
STEVEN: "If I saw a guy that sparkled in the sun, my first thought wouldn't be 'Oh my God, that guy's a vampire! Run away!', I'd think 'Oh, look, there's some guy wearing glitter'."
ME: "No, you wouldn't even have to run away from these guys, they only drink blood from bears and mountain lions. But I don't know how they drink because she hadn't written about their fangs yet. Two-hundred something pages and there's no mention of fangs."
STEVEN: "...so are there werewolves in this story?"
ME: "There are, actually. But I guess they smell to vampires or something? I didn't read that much yet. And they're American Indians."
STEVEN: "Oh, that's not racist at all. --wait, what happens if they try and eat a wolf that's actually an Indian?"
ME: "I think they know because the wolf's blood stinks?"
AND HE REPLIED:
"...that is so retarded."
Then he was saying how Anne Rice should essentially bitchslap Smeyer on how vampires should be done, but I told him about Rice's Born Again thing and how she only writes Jesus fanfic now (the first book I actually bought for $.50 at a library sale. I'm neutral on it; it's not bad, but it's not intriguing, either. Her new writing actually lacks description).
Then he said we should travel back in time to when Rice was cool (ish) and have her write an epic battle between Edward and Lestat. We decided that Lestat wins, by the way, by throwing Edward into the arms of an angry grizzly bear who then dismembers him. Edward explodes into fabulous vampire sparkles as he dies.
His death is dazzling.
STEVEN: "Vampires glitter?"
ME: "Well, technically, the author says he sparkled in the sun."
STEVEN: "Uh huh."
ME: "And so they don't come out in the daylight. So they skip school on sunny days."
STEVEN: "Wait, what happens if the weather clears up when they're in class?"
ME: "I guess they go home?"
STEVEN: "And why don't they sparkle inside the school?"
ME: "...the author didn't explain that yet."
STEVEN: "Their skin should glitter under lamps and stuff, then."
ME: "... ... GODDAMMIT STEVEN STOP MAKING ME TRY AND FIGURE OUT WHY THEY DON'T."
STEVEN: "If I saw a guy that sparkled in the sun, my first thought wouldn't be 'Oh my God, that guy's a vampire! Run away!', I'd think 'Oh, look, there's some guy wearing glitter'."
ME: "No, you wouldn't even have to run away from these guys, they only drink blood from bears and mountain lions. But I don't know how they drink because she hadn't written about their fangs yet. Two-hundred something pages and there's no mention of fangs."
STEVEN: "...so are there werewolves in this story?"
ME: "There are, actually. But I guess they smell to vampires or something? I didn't read that much yet. And they're American Indians."
STEVEN: "Oh, that's not racist at all. --wait, what happens if they try and eat a wolf that's actually an Indian?"
ME: "I think they know because the wolf's blood stinks?"
AND HE REPLIED:
"...that is so retarded."
Then he was saying how Anne Rice should essentially bitchslap Smeyer on how vampires should be done, but I told him about Rice's Born Again thing and how she only writes Jesus fanfic now (the first book I actually bought for $.50 at a library sale. I'm neutral on it; it's not bad, but it's not intriguing, either. Her new writing actually lacks description).
Then he said we should travel back in time to when Rice was cool (ish) and have her write an epic battle between Edward and Lestat. We decided that Lestat wins, by the way, by throwing Edward into the arms of an angry grizzly bear who then dismembers him. Edward explodes into fabulous vampire sparkles as he dies.
His death is dazzling.