TOUCHED BY EVIL
TOUCHED BY EVIL
May 1 2008, DVD, home living room, borrowed from Cecilia/Netflix
Man, it's hard to snark on a movie about rape. But I can't help it. This is half shitty and half campy, with tiny sprinkles of quality and believability. Tiny, I said. Miniscule.
This is really Paula Abdul's movie (and there's really a reason why she hasn't got a million acting credits) But it sure does have Adrian Pasdar in it. But damn. He's got his super high-pitched voice on, the bifurcated-Teddy-boy-quiff hairstyle, and a tightly physical, folded, insecure interpretation of the character (the correct one, really). Pasdar has his talents, but much like Milo Ventimiglia, he needs to be acting with someone who is giving and knowledgable, and dare I say, Paula is neither. They have about as much chemistry as peanut butter and anchovies, even naked in bed together. He does try, and if you stop paying attention to Paula lying there like she's been doped up with ketamine, what he's doing is kind of hot. But that's not really the problem - it's the relentless WTFs that come flying thick and fast. TV Movie Ahoy! Full steam ahead!
A dog named "Toulouse"? Are they fucking serious? Well, she DOES wear mascara to bed...
A stalker who plays a cover version of "Obsession" onto his stalkee's answering machine?
The cross-eyed zombie expression that Paula gets on her face when she finally whispers, "Ravish me"? I guess it's supposed to denote moral horror, but it looks more like she's having a stroke.
Bowie bless, but the soundtrack is HORRIBLE. No one will be seated during the thrilling "jogging through the park, falling in love" montage - because they will be running to the kitchen for more alcohol.
So Paula's Ellen, and one night she's sleeping in her Vicky's Secret and mascara and a masked man in black breaks into her home and rapes her dramatically (oh, but off screen, of course - which - thank God). She freaks out for a long time, like you do, and shortly afterward she meets Jerry (played by our Pasdar), who chases after her in a puppyish fashion until he breaks down her fragile defenses. Jerry's an auto-detailing guy who is also a former felon, but is soft-spoken and goes to church and learns a new word a day and everything. So of course she falls for him, in between bursts of hearing "Obsession" on her answering machine, her friends who express doubts about him getting their houses trashed and their pets murdered, etc. etc. Standard soap opera boilerplate.
Charlayne Woodward is good as the stern black lady cop, and Pasdar's occasional co-star from Profit Tamsin Kelsey does duty as Paula's psychotherapist. Tracey Nelson is her usual annoying, but appealing, but annoying self.
But answer me this - how can tiny little Paula Bobblehead get the physical advantage of an adult man? I'm not saying it can't be done, but this movie will not show you the correct way. They really kinda didn't even bother; this is a movie for chicks, and they don't go in for really good fight scenes like some of us do.
Some lines I live in terror of accidentally writing someday:
"The first time you're ravished... is never the best."
"I will NOT be afraid of life!"
"...The house trashed, the cat eviscerated..."
"Showing him what? How to polish your ass?"
"Semen." (Really, it's all in the context. It does kind of explain the cross-eyed grimace, if she had a sample jar up in there, too.)
Terrible and yet kind of good, but not really good at all. I cannot recommend it to anybody except for Paula Abdul enthusiasts, and the most rabid Adrian Pasdar fans. I now have to watch a couple of episodes of Profit to cleanse my mental palate.
May 1 2008, DVD, home living room, borrowed from Cecilia/Netflix
Man, it's hard to snark on a movie about rape. But I can't help it. This is half shitty and half campy, with tiny sprinkles of quality and believability. Tiny, I said. Miniscule.
This is really Paula Abdul's movie (and there's really a reason why she hasn't got a million acting credits) But it sure does have Adrian Pasdar in it. But damn. He's got his super high-pitched voice on, the bifurcated-Teddy-boy-quiff hairstyle, and a tightly physical, folded, insecure interpretation of the character (the correct one, really). Pasdar has his talents, but much like Milo Ventimiglia, he needs to be acting with someone who is giving and knowledgable, and dare I say, Paula is neither. They have about as much chemistry as peanut butter and anchovies, even naked in bed together. He does try, and if you stop paying attention to Paula lying there like she's been doped up with ketamine, what he's doing is kind of hot. But that's not really the problem - it's the relentless WTFs that come flying thick and fast. TV Movie Ahoy! Full steam ahead!
A dog named "Toulouse"? Are they fucking serious? Well, she DOES wear mascara to bed...
A stalker who plays a cover version of "Obsession" onto his stalkee's answering machine?
The cross-eyed zombie expression that Paula gets on her face when she finally whispers, "Ravish me"? I guess it's supposed to denote moral horror, but it looks more like she's having a stroke.
Bowie bless, but the soundtrack is HORRIBLE. No one will be seated during the thrilling "jogging through the park, falling in love" montage - because they will be running to the kitchen for more alcohol.
So Paula's Ellen, and one night she's sleeping in her Vicky's Secret and mascara and a masked man in black breaks into her home and rapes her dramatically (oh, but off screen, of course - which - thank God). She freaks out for a long time, like you do, and shortly afterward she meets Jerry (played by our Pasdar), who chases after her in a puppyish fashion until he breaks down her fragile defenses. Jerry's an auto-detailing guy who is also a former felon, but is soft-spoken and goes to church and learns a new word a day and everything. So of course she falls for him, in between bursts of hearing "Obsession" on her answering machine, her friends who express doubts about him getting their houses trashed and their pets murdered, etc. etc. Standard soap opera boilerplate.
Charlayne Woodward is good as the stern black lady cop, and Pasdar's occasional co-star from Profit Tamsin Kelsey does duty as Paula's psychotherapist. Tracey Nelson is her usual annoying, but appealing, but annoying self.
But answer me this - how can tiny little Paula Bobblehead get the physical advantage of an adult man? I'm not saying it can't be done, but this movie will not show you the correct way. They really kinda didn't even bother; this is a movie for chicks, and they don't go in for really good fight scenes like some of us do.
Some lines I live in terror of accidentally writing someday:
"The first time you're ravished... is never the best."
"I will NOT be afraid of life!"
"...The house trashed, the cat eviscerated..."
"Showing him what? How to polish your ass?"
"Semen." (Really, it's all in the context. It does kind of explain the cross-eyed grimace, if she had a sample jar up in there, too.)
Terrible and yet kind of good, but not really good at all. I cannot recommend it to anybody except for Paula Abdul enthusiasts, and the most rabid Adrian Pasdar fans. I now have to watch a couple of episodes of Profit to cleanse my mental palate.