LIFE-SIZE
LIFE-SIZE
January 19 2008, DVD, home living room, Cecilia's collection
I forgot this somehow - actually yesterday's orgy of movie watching kicked off with this obscure Disney gem, starring Lindsay Lohan and Tyra Banks. Yes, I said it. LiLo and Miss Tyrant. I totally love and hate both of them more after this made-for-TV queso festival. LiLo, 12, plays a lonely tomboy (she even plays quarterback for her middle school football team - and all the other players are dudes, go figure) whose mother died a while ago, and whose dad (a loathsomely hideous Jere Burns) is an ambitious lawyer on the track to make partner, so he doesn't have much time for her. LiLo decides to dabble in the black arts, and finds a spell to bring inanimate objects to life, intending to raise her mother from the dead. Instead, her dad's meddling secretary (loathsome, hideous Anne Marie Loder) has gotten LiLo the popular fashion doll, skinny, black, giant-breasted overachiever Eve. The spell goes wrong, and Lilo wakes up in bed with Tyra Banks.
Really, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
There follows some hideous fashion follies, Tyra seducing every man she sees, gooey facials in the kitchen, tender girl-on-girl hairbrushing scenes, and a party where Tyra doesn't just do the whore dance, she also sings. Must be seen to be believed, but I wouldn't wish it on anybody who wasn't both tough as hell, and an unrepentant lover of all things Ghey™. I am one of those people and it nearly broke me, but I feel I am a better person for it.
January 19 2008, DVD, home living room, Cecilia's collection
I forgot this somehow - actually yesterday's orgy of movie watching kicked off with this obscure Disney gem, starring Lindsay Lohan and Tyra Banks. Yes, I said it. LiLo and Miss Tyrant. I totally love and hate both of them more after this made-for-TV queso festival. LiLo, 12, plays a lonely tomboy (she even plays quarterback for her middle school football team - and all the other players are dudes, go figure) whose mother died a while ago, and whose dad (a loathsomely hideous Jere Burns) is an ambitious lawyer on the track to make partner, so he doesn't have much time for her. LiLo decides to dabble in the black arts, and finds a spell to bring inanimate objects to life, intending to raise her mother from the dead. Instead, her dad's meddling secretary (loathsome, hideous Anne Marie Loder) has gotten LiLo the popular fashion doll, skinny, black, giant-breasted overachiever Eve. The spell goes wrong, and Lilo wakes up in bed with Tyra Banks.
Really, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
There follows some hideous fashion follies, Tyra seducing every man she sees, gooey facials in the kitchen, tender girl-on-girl hairbrushing scenes, and a party where Tyra doesn't just do the whore dance, she also sings. Must be seen to be believed, but I wouldn't wish it on anybody who wasn't both tough as hell, and an unrepentant lover of all things Ghey™. I am one of those people and it nearly broke me, but I feel I am a better person for it.